I think having a 20 years of marriage where you are understood, loved and cared for is secure attachment regardless of what else one may be working on self or otherwise. I think the fact you are able to do that shows your avoidant is default to you but not a pathology because you are able to see it consciously and work with it.Attachment isn’t a scale where you move through attachment styles. Avoidant attachment isn’t someth...
You do not know my history but I can tell you it is possible to move from one style of attachment to another depending how life unfolds. We are not static. We can change. I am not practising same attachment as I was in my teen or my early 20s. I have matured and also changed a lot.
The only reason I believe and feel I have secured attachment is I feel accepted for my avoidance issues and still loved and I also sometimes got out of my own limitation and try to meet his needs at my discomfort of trying or learning but consciously. No more sleep walking for me.
I am happy for you arriving this place where you can attend to your own issues and still maintain a marriage for this long...that is a lot even for a person without PTSD.