@Disco Dancing Queen,
@jaccat,
@shimmerz,
@Tornadic Thoughts,
Thank you all, so very much! I was in a rush when I first posted this thread. Now for more info.
I was wondering if anyone had found that yoga triggered them and if anyone found that yoga was helpful. My 'normal' friends didn't understand my experience. Good to know that I have company. Thanks for the idea, of getting additional instructions to help be find personal adjustments for the poses and learning how to do them better.
I tried yoga in the past, but it increased my flashbacks about movement trauma ("move exactly like this or else"). Of course, it was hard to give up my hyper-vigilance with all of that going on. Additionally, many of those poses have so much specific muscular activity going on that, with the instructions being given so fast, I felt like I was playing a game of Twister , unsuccessfully. I left frustrated, traumatized, feeling alone, and ashamed.
From a recent friend sharing about a free yoga class, on that lark, I tried yoga again for the first time in 20 years. The new teacher teaches in a 'low stress' style (slow and gentle speech, encouraging compassion and acceptance for what we can do today) , and she stays in one place during the class (instead of pacing all around and touching people from behind). Surprisingly, my work in therapy has allowed me to notice when my movement trauma gets triggered, and using mindfulness, I just can 'notice' this and then turn my attention toward (gently) doing the best that I can, in exploring the pose.
The best part of my new experience is that finally, I am beginning to experience benefits. Even though I'm ready to leave after ten minutes of constant movement, I can calm myself to 'hang in there'. After the hour class, I'm finding that yoga helps me find safety in movement (instead of increasing my fear), helps me extend my limbs (the opposite of recoiling in fear), helps me feel more grounded/connected to the earth (instead of pulled away from the earth) and afterwards, it gives me this experience of having a 'presence'-where I am more comfortable and feel safer throughout myself.
So the right teacher, the right pace, using mindfulness, and getting personal help seem to be a good combination.
.