Hate Feeling Proud- Anybody Else?

[Jen93]

So, this sort of stems from my accomplishment thread "I passed my courses." I found it the hardest post to write on the forum-the actual event happened three weeks ago, but i kept putting it off until i finally posted it yesterday.

After I posted it, and received comments and such; I wanted to take it all back. Actually, I felt really weird after; I was describing it In my head as "It's like this odd sense of happiness and like I did something good; usually I feel really cocky and awful for feeling this way."

After a few minutes, I realized its because I felt proud of myself. It is easy for me to feel proud of others-I LOVE telling people they've done a good job; but whenever someone says I did something good, I usually minimize my accomplishment and not just in the polite way of saying "Oh it was nothing" after someone congratulates you, I really do believe it is a feeling for me that's bad and uncomfortable and just needs to be rid of as quick as possible.

Is it a symptom of PTSD or is it common with a specific type of trauma? Does anybody else ever have a problem with feeling proud of themselves?

 

[Ice_Fire]

Jen...first off, you have every right to feel proud of yourself. Considering how triggering that English class has been for you...I'm proud of you too!

Second, I can honestly say that I could have written this post. I debated about putting my academic achievements this year on the forum at all. I wondered about putting it in the 'Accomplishments and Successes' area, but I didn't; opting to just mention it in my diary instead. The reason? I feel like I'm making such a big deal over nothing and, it's not like I've been able to cope with the same workload as others at school, so actually, is there anything to be proud of? I don't know. I feel proud, but I also feel guilty for feeling happy about myself.

So, yes, I understand exactly what you mean with this. I feel like a horrible, selfish person for congratulating myself and feeling happy about my achievements. Like you, I always play it down to the point that actually, I'm putting myself down to the floor so to speak. My T has tried to get me to feel comfortable feeling proud of myself, but, it just doesn't feel right somehow.

But, like you, I take great happiness in telling others I'm proud of them and their achievements. And yours is a massive one! So...again, a massive well done to you!

 

[The Albatross]

Jen? Instead of focusing on "hating being proud"... what thoughts and feelings about completing your courses do you find you can "comfortably hold?"

It is good that you recognize that you have a difficulty in this area. You have awareness, now you can endeavor to change it. Self deprecation robs you of a sense of accomplishment. Found a solid source link on the topic. I suspect many of us have had or have the issue of being uncomfortable with our accomplishments. The opposite of self deprecation is arrogance. Both are character flaws, and can be improved if/when we find they cause us discomfort or cause discomfort in others. (((Your accomplishment still exists Jen, change how you feel about it?)

Article quote and source link:

"Self-deprecation is a basic character flaw or personality defect, one of seven possible “chief features” adopted in adolescence to protect the self at the level of false personality.

Self-deprecation means belittling yourself, or running yourself down, in the eyes of others. It is a drive to make yourself small or even invisible.
Self-deprecation is defined as:

The disparagement of one’s own abilities; [1]
communication that expresses something negative about its originator; making negative statements regarding one’s own appearance or abilities, such as saying “I’m so fat” or “I’m such an idiot”; [2]
expressing disapproval or being critical of oneself. [3]

As with the opposite chief feature of arrogance, self-deprecation is a way of manipulating others’ perceptions of yourself in order to avoid taking a “hit” to your self-esteem.

In this case, however, the basic strategy is to “get in first”—to launch a preemptive attack on your own failings before anyone else can do so. While the arrogant person tries to deny their imperfections by feigning perfection, the self-deprecating person believes their own imperfection is absolute: I am simply not as good as other people.
Like all chief features, self-deprecation involves the following components:

1. Early negative experiences
2. Misconceptions about the nature of self, life or others
3. A constant fear and sense of insecurity
4. A maladaptive strategy to protect the self
5. A persona to hide all of the above in adulthood

Early Negative Experiences

In the case of self-deprecation, the early negative experiences typically revolve around failing to live up to parents’ high expectations.
Perhaps the parents are perfectionists and expect the child to measure up to an impossible standard. Perhaps the parents are over-achievers and cannot accept having a child who isn’t similarly talented or driven. Either way, the child can never be up to scratch.

Misconceptions

From such experiences of being constantly below standard, the child comes to perceive himself as something fundamentally flawed, basically inadequate.
Again and again, the child in this position learns that “who I am is not good enough.” The love, care and attention that he craves is unavailable, and the reason for this is—apparently—his own deficiency as a person. His constant sense of failure, and of being a constant disappointment to others, give rise to a fundamental sense of shame.
Hence:
Who I am is not good enough. Nothing I can do will ever be good enough.
I should feel ashamed of myself just for being me.
Even before I try, I know I’m going to fail—so there’s no point in even trying.
At least I will always be right about one thing: my inadequacy.
I have nothing of value to offer anyone.

Link to full article: Link Removed

 

[KP the nut]

(((Jen))), these are some of my fave affirmations, they are so very true.

 

[heidi]

I really don't have this problem as I am not currently capable of doing anything to feel proud of. However, if I did I would feel very proud. Heck, I'm even proud for you and I don't know you. You're doing some things really well. That's great!!!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I do, but for me it stems from WHAT I'm proud of.

For example, I'm proud of myself for going back to school this fall and keeping on track with school related things thus far. Ok, so its just the beginning of the semester, but this is a lot for me! For others, it would be no big deal. And because this is something that comes so easily to a lot of other people, I feel weird being proud of my accomplishment. But, I do a little CBT self-talk and realize that I should be proud!

I'm practicing being gracious when given a compliment such as you look good, or you did a good job, or whatever it may be. I simply say "thank you" and smile. It may not seem like much, but it's all about being positive. I'm not boasting or bragging (ugh, I can't stand those people!), but I am taking in positive feedback and letting it boost my self-esteem/self-worth. So many times in the past I would say "I don't look good, I'm ugly/fat/whatever" or "It was no big deal". These sorts of responses ultimately make me feel worse in the end when the truth of the matter is that someone else gave me the compliment to make me feel better. Why sour a positive thing? Anyway, this is my take on this and how I'm dealing with it.