Sufferer Have Complex Ptsd, Trouble With People

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

 

[DharmaGirl]

Welcome, Cat, you will find a lot of support here, and a lot of info. As others have said, you have the illness, dealing with that is more important than worrying about how you got it. Hope to see you posting.

 

[reachingout713]

I almost drowned in Mazatlan, Mexico, when I was a kid, and I remember I traumatizing me more than anything else that was going on in my life at the time. If you are a good swimmer and, prior to that experience, believed strongly in your abilities to be able to protect yourself if something related to water were endangering you, then I understand how it could have been traumatizing to realize the power that you were fighting against was beyond your control and ability to fight against. I'm sure that you not only experiencing the sudden and panicking realization that what you believed was true was not true about being able to swim your way to safety in such situations was serious, but that it deeply affected you that your life was in danger of being closely lost. That is no less serious than other people's near death experiences and shouldn't be seen as "miniscule."

Your perceptions of not encountering something that has caused you trauma to be something in parallel to others who are suffering with the same symptoms as you are right now may be causing you to beat yourself up and further alienate yourself from people who understand the resulting outcomes and affects that your experience has had on your life. I think all of us on this site can compare severities of our experiences, but the truth is that we are all suffering just the same and are here to support each other regardless of what has happened. I hope that you don't give up on swimming, as it is good for the mind, body and spirit, but I understand your hesitancy. I rarely go in the ocean anymore and I use to swim like a fish when I was a kid. Now I have nightmares about a lot of things pertaining to water and drowning with the feeling of helplessness on my mind right before I wake up.

In relation to being bullied, I grew up in the 90's too, at least in junior high and high school, and I know that the attention to the subject has just started to grow. There may be other outside groups that can help you in addition to this one to help you recover from your pains from being bullied.

My mom often tells me to "snap out of it" when I get depressed, but that's what people who don't deal with depression can do when they are feeling what they think is just like depression that I feel, or that you may feel. Failing to understand that what they are capable of understanding and not understanding may be allowing you to build up resentments and anger against them for making you feel inferior to them. It is possible that they don't see themselves as superior to you at all, but that your translation of it is such, but I understand, because when I can't "snap out of it," I feel like I'm not capable of controlling my emotions and daily activities the way that others seem to be able to at times. I've been stalked by someone that I didn't know what they were capable of, and the truth is, people are killed on a regular basis by people that engage in those kinds of behaviors, so until someone else goes through that, they can't really fairly say anything about it. Stalking is not normal behavior... it's unstable...people don't hunt people under normal circumstances, and it's illegal to do so, so people around you need to be more supportive of it instead of shrug it off. Everyone did the same thing to me, even the police, until I was fortunate enough to meet a police officer who finally saw what I was dealing with and helped me get an Emergency Protective Order, but even now, I still wonder if he's out there driving past my house sometimes. If it's affecting your job and ability to maintain your own financial stability, that's even more stress to manage on your own. Keep your chin up and keep reiterating the reasons why you're affected by the things that have caused you to feel this way, because they are valid. Stay strong in that and don't doubt yourself.