Poll Have You Ever Had Survival Sex?

[Philippa]

People sell themselves everyday in the workforce, in various ways. We are taught to sell ourselves in society to get where and what we want...which is usually money and status. Prostitution can be seen as women (and some men) choosing to do that with their own bodies, and every persons body is their own. It is not for anyone else to say what a person can do with their own body.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

perhaps you can think of it as he saw that you could both get your needs fulfilled this way.

I've always seen it like this. The 1st guy was very lonely. Even offered to pay me if I dated him.

Sometimes I feel shame in what I did but most of the time No. Most of the time I feel I did what I had too to survive and I did what I was trained to do ( I think this made it easier).

 

[Philippa]

I've had one guy want to date me as well like that. Escorts make a living from lonely people needing someone to help them get through the night. I see prostitutes as providing a service that requires compassion of human nature at times.

Some women where I work have said that some men go there just to talk to them, because no one else at home will listen to them. I think that is a common thing that goes on, and prostitutes resume the role of counselor as part of their job.

I think the shame comes from the society we live in, and that is hard wired into your conditioned mind Ayesha. In your heart of hearts though, you know you did what you had to so you could survive, and there is nothing wrong with that.

This may sound contraversial, but I'm just curious to know...did you ever feel that what happened to you, and how you were groomed has been able to give you certain life skills that other people do not have and that have given you a certain advantage as a survivor? I'm not suggesting that it is something you would need to feel proud of or happy that it happened, but just that it gave you skills to survive, so it could be seen in a certain positive light? Does that sound too terrible? I'm not meaning for it to if it does.

 

[shoulderblades]

There is no shame in prostitution and escorting, just as there is no shame in teaching, nursing or any other profession. It's society and its systemic prejudice towards sex, women and slut-shaming that puts forth the idea that there is shame in prostitution. And indeed, there are many situations people find themselves in with prostitution that are terrible - but that is not the fault of the person; that is almost always the fault of a client or pimp taking advantage of them and abusing them.

I did what I had too to survive

Exactly. There is no shame in that whatsoever. Anyone who tries to shame you for doing what you needed to do to survive - their prejudice says way more about them than it will ever say about you. *hugs*

 

[therapybankrupt]

I think staying in a loveless marriage to long qualifies!

 

[Philippa]

Good call...I'd agree with that, though I've never been married.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Philippa, I decided to answer your question after sleeping on it.

...you were groomed has been able to give you certain life skills that other people do not have and that have given you a certain advantage as a survivor?

Yes and also experience. I have seen more, more open to what people will do to survive, more willing for change? I imagine that kind of 'change' would not be a lot of people's cup of tea. But I was open to it becasue...it worked before? I didn't really see a problem with it I think. It is a service to someone. It is simple and straight forward. I am not afraid of the word 'prostitute'. It is just a word and it is just a fact. I survived the abuse and I was going to survive again on what I knew. Life experience.

so it could be seen in a certain positive light?

That person was lonely. Maybe instead of going out drinking that person seeks comfort with you. In my case that person poured this heart out to me. Told me about his day and his fears. I would have become not really his friend but his escort. Why not his friend? Because it is a business transaction. I needed money and he was willing to pay me for my time and someone to listen to him in ways his friends could not. He wanted my body and the comfort it bought and when he knew he was not going to get it by dating me so he ofter money knowing I needed it. Loneliness is a scary thing. And just like money people are willing to do things so they are not lonely. I am lucky he was nice to me and did not hurt me. I see that now.

I know what it means and I know how it feels to sell your body to someone even just for a night. This does not make me a bad person. I don't even see it as a mistake or a f*ck up. It just is.

Probably more to add but that is all I have for now.

Does that sound too terrible?

Not at all. I love truth and fact.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I think staying in a loveless marriage to long qualifies!

I very politely disagree. I understand how it was hard you to be in a relationship like that. But prostitution is a strong word and also something that is illegal in a lot of countries. Could you have gotten arrested for that?

I think there are other words for your marriage but prostitution, true prostitution is not one of them. But I may be wrong. This is just my opinion. You may feel that way. But I think there is a difference. Think about it this way...some people will say 'I feel like I have been raped.' Were they? No, feeling like and actually being raped are very different things.

Maybe you could explain why you feel that way? Maybe I am missing something?

Please understand I am not trying to minimize your pain of being in a loveless marriage.

I am just trying to separate fact from emotion.

 

[therapybankrupt]

I very politely disagree. I understand how it was hard you to be in a relationship like that. But prostitution is a strong word and also something that is illegal in a lot of countries. Maybe I am missing something?.[/u]

I understand this thread is about Survival Sex not rape. The payments for sex are listed above and not all for money! I accept your apology! You do not walk my shoes so be more sensitive in how you judge in the future. This is supposed to be a safe place and as a Moderator you should be aware of this.

TB

Tb

 

[Philippa]

I do think some women stay in relationships and marriages longer than is healthy, and they do continue to have sex, to survive within the marriage, to continue to be taken care of financially until such time as they are able to get on their own feet. Sometimes the power dynamic is so imbalanced that it can become this way I think.

It may not be the same as technical prostitution, but I think if you are having sex and money is involved, or a roof over your head, then it qualifies...in my opinion. Some women don't know how they will ever manage alone, and stay in a loveless marriage because it is safe in a way. Lots of people get married with this premise even.

Asian women provide companionships for lonely older men. You see it all the time, a younger asian woman hooked up with an older man who has money and marry them. That is a business transaction. They both get their needs met. She can send money back to her family and have the security of just one man looking after her, and he gets regular sex with someone who doesn't mind if he is old (even though she may be acting a bit parasitical in reality)

 

[Philippa]

For the record though, I don't see how what Ayesha said was being unsafe or judgemental or insensitive to you therapybankrupt...she just didn't agree with you. Ayesha was polite about how she worded her post and didn't say anything flaming and she even asked questions to understand where you were coming from and said she didn't want to minimize your pain. That is being sensitive to you

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I do genuinely want to know what would make you feel that way, Therapybankrupt. Sounds like something you should talk about?