Having A Bad Day...

[CourageofSnow]

Thank you Ms Spock. I hope you had a better day too!

I think sharing how I was feeling has helped.

 

[sessie]

I don't have any words of wisdom, but I'm sending you a virtual HUG. Sometimes you just need to get through the day, hour by hour, and trust that you'll feel better (even when it feels like it will never be better).

I do always find that telling people how bad it really is *does* help.

 

[CourageofSnow]

I told my therapist about the suicidal thoughts today. Was painful. I hate that I cry in front of her. Glad that I told her though.

 

[ms spock]

That is great you reached out and told your therapist about your suicidal ideation.

 

[shoulderblades]

Dear CourageofSnow, I'm sorry to hear you've been going through a hard time. It's wonderful that so many people here have offered you advice and caring words. I'm glad that you have been feeling a bit better since sharing with us and since talking to people in your life about what you're going through. That's a big step, and it's a very positive step. Acknowledging that you need help and that you need support is a very difficult step to take, especially when you're already feeling, as you said, like a burden, selfish, lazy. I know exactly how you feel, too - I've been where you are many, MANY times (and probably many more times to come).

You're not selfish, lazy or a burden, though - like others have pointed out, you're unwell. You're dealing with an awful lot. Just because what you're going through may not be visible, doesn't mean it's not important or doesn't exist. Taking care of yourself is in no way selfish or lazy or burdening! It's vital for your health! It's impossible to keep giving to others when you don't give to yourself.

Something I sometimes do when feeling suicidal or feeling like I'm dissociating or need grounding: I put a rubber band around one of my wrists and I snap it just hard enough to cause a sting. It actually helps immensely for me with suicidal ideation or self-harming thoughts; and the surprise of the little sting is enough to pull me back to the present and focus on what's going on around me. This of course may not work for you at all, but I suggest it just in case it might. :) *offers gentle hugs* :hug:

 

[CourageofSnow]

Thank you Ms Spock and shoulderblades. I may need to print out that I am not selfish, lazy or a burden and stick it somewhere visible!! I haven't tried the rubber band thing.

It is hard when the people who I think will be supportive tend to say stupid things. I know that I am in a process of healing and right now I want people to understand and be supportive of what I am going through.

I know I am expecting/asking too much of others but seriously some people should think before they speak!!

 

[ms spock]

It is hard when the people who I think will be supportive tend to say stupid things.

Can you take the care underneath what they are saying rather than what they say to heart. Focus that there is care for you there. It might not be perfect but most people don't really know how to deal with PTSD. Just a thought.

 

[CourageofSnow]

Thank you Ms Spock. I know that the person who upset me was trying to offer support, and I am battling with simple words.

I told my hubby about what upset me and he was able to dissect the conversation until I could see that what had been said, was meant as love and support.

Unfortunate that I didn't hear it that way.

You are right, they just don't know how to deal with PTSD..

 

[Kslred24]

It is difficult to know what to say, my boyfriend is suffering from PTSD and drinks, so I am amazed out some of his behavior and the things he says. I try not to say anything now, but listen and advise he might want to see a counselor, because he goes on or hours, especially if he starts drinking when he is that phase. Knowing what to say to someone who feels isolated and alone is very difficult, especially when it feels like your talking to a brick wall, or someone full of anger or resentment for the past.

 

[mamachick]

Just wondering how you are doing courageofsnow? I am so glad you told your doc. It is such a burden to carry these feelings and not be able to tell the people around you.

I was doing much better after going back on meds. Then things get to be too much. It is just all overwhelming. I have wondered if I would have had these symptoms earlier if I did not have small children to care for. Now that they are grown, I am often flooded and my head swims. I think it is true that others dont know how to deal with us. I realize that I have always valued what I accomplish, and now its more difficult to accomplish anything, I feel a burden and that others would be better without me. Im so glad you are processing while you have children to care for. I know it would be easier to have a break sometimes, but do think it can keep you going.

 

[cdg]

Hope you can make it through this trying time.

 

[CourageofSnow]

Hi,

Sorry I haven't been on for awhile. I have been doing well up until yesterday. Have felt suicidal on and off.. I hate these feelings. So messed up. Torn between leaving my family and staying.

Anxiety seems to be getting the better of me. I try to go out to the shops and end up going into a corner trying to escape. I honestly feel like I am going mad. Today I had a flashback that left me with physical pain. It was as though I had been slapped across the back of my head. To make matters worse, I was then sent home from work.... So embarrassing.

Going to see my therapist tomorrow..

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Thank you all for your support..