Having A Really Hard Time In Therapy

[Towanda]

I've been with my therapist for almost a year now. We've got a good therapeutic relationship. About a month ago I was hospitalized for suicidal ideation. Since then therapy has gotten harder and harder. Just thinking about going can trigger a panic attack and dissociation. I am at a point right now where I would rather just load up on meds than deal with therapy.

 

[mrsmegan]

What about it specifically is making it hard?

 

[kilted]

Feeling uncomfortable in therapy is part of the process.... but not so uncomfortable that you want to stop.... managing the stress level of the client is the therapists job.....so telling them what you are feeling is important.

Though you say you've a good therapeutic relationship your physical reactions would indicate otherwise. The reactions are coming from a subconscious place that doesn't trust the therapist, however this doesn't mean that the relationship isn't safe...... there are signals your subconscious is picking up and processing that trigger a stress response..... what those signals are is the meat of therapy.

These reactions mean there's "something" going on......the something is called "transference" and what your therapist is subconsciously picking up from you is called "counter-transference". Your therapist should be helping you explore this transference and using the counter-transference to inform their interventions. This type of "Relational" working is common to most humanistic therapies...... however there are others that don't include relational processes..... you need to know what type of therapy your therapist is using in order to decide what to do.


There's a book called the Neuroscience of Psychotherapy by a guy called Louis Cozolino that says therapy is an "enriched environment" for neurological change..... and he proposes that the therapeutic environment needs 4 parts.
1) A safe and trusting relationship
2) Activation of both emotion and cognition.
3) Mild to moderate levels of stress
4) The co-construction of new personal narratives

It would look like (3) is not happening.... there is too much stress and this may impede therapy.

 

[Beaglefan61]

You sound overwhelmed! If wanting to load up on meds rather than dealing with therapy it almost must seem a bit much. That you have a good relationship with your therapist is good. The therapy getting harder and harder since the hospitalization i wonder if the pain is closer to the surface. Please be gentle with you during this time. Getting whatever extra support for yourself that will be safe is a good idea. One thing that helps us through the pain is not just our being gentle with ourselves. It is finding others who try to be gentle with us the best they can when they can.