General Having a Relationship With Someone With PTSD

[blue_eyed_angel]

I have been thinking a lot lately about my relationship with my boyfriend who has PTSD, anxiety, depression, and OCD. Last night we had a really good talk. And I have been really fortunate that he has been able to trust me with sharing his story/history with me. Umm.. he doesn't tell me everything, but he does share a lot. I guess everyone does have a sense of curiosity which is only normal I suppose. And I always tell him that if there is ever anything in which I ask and he doesn't want to answer he doesn't have to. And he doesn't have the best memory! Which is due to the fact that his humvee was blown up when he was in Iraq by an IED. He has a few cloudy spots & dense spots on his brain which are the cause of the memory problems.


Even though we do have an age gap between us, our relationship history is pretty much the same. He was married for 15yrs. and recently his divorce was finalized. I was with my last boyfriend for 6 1/2yrs. and was engaged to be married for 3 1/2yrs of those years. Our relationships ended due to our partners cheating.


He always tells me that I probably have it easier than most women because I won't have to worry about him cheating. He does have issues with large crowds or crowded restaurants. So he does go out just not to like major places. In knowing that that is something I don't have to worry about I still don't want him to think that I am going to take advantage of the situation.


Our relationship hasn't been the norm I guess you could say. There is a completely unexplainable attraction between us. Which has been there since the first date we went on. He tells me that I do need to protect myself when it comes to having a relationship with him. Not that he would ever be abusive to me. The way he explains it to me is that since he has a "screw loose" that I just need to be aware of the things that are going on. Really take a hard look at us and think about whether this is what I want for my life or not. There are days where I do wonder what his expectations are for our relationship. But just getting to know someone I guess you haven't really thought about a future with that person. We just take it one day at a time. I mean that's all you really can do I suppose.


There are days when I do have a whole lot of things that I would like to say to him or would like him to know, but I guess my fear of getting my heart broken again kinda makes me step back and not say them. So, the other day I wrote him a long letter and when I left his house one night I left it by his coffee pot to find the next morning to read. And it's kinda funny but he hasn't mentioned the letter that I left him. I know that he read it so I guess that's all that really matters.

I sometimes feel he completely doesn't understand me. He tells me that there will come a point in my life since I am still young that I will want to go out and do the party scene. But what he doesn't quite get is that I am not into that. I have to much riding on my future to screw it up!!! The bar scene is definitely not me!!! Never has been. I am not the typical 22 year old either. I do know the things that are important to me in my life.


If anyone here is a carer for an OIF Veteran or just an OIF Soldier, I would really like to talk to someone.

Just like some advice or input thats all.


Thanks... :smile:

 

[Neela]

Hi There -

I just wanted to comment on how similar your story is to my relationship with my ex. Yes, we are no longer together. *tears* He's in the Marines and did about 3 tours over in Iraq. He too was married and is currently in the midst of finalizing his divorce. Our age difference isn't as much as yours, but there is a difference. I would still consider him my soul mate too. My only real advice to you would be that you need to be patient. Support him as much as you can, but don't forget yourself. I made that mistake. In the last month my ex's PTSD spiraled out of control. We'd hit a bump in the road and up to now I'm really not sure what caused him so much stress. Instead of his usual time out for a couple days, he ended up crossing the only real boundary I had for him. He cheated (to which he then tried to take back, which is a really long and sad story) and I knew that I had to let him go. Don't lose yourself in their battle with PTSD. I don't want to make it seem like I pushed him into cheating, but I think it may have been a factor. Who knows? Anyway, set your boundaries and keep the lines of communication open. Even though we may not still be together, I totally know what you're going through. It's really easy to think you're alone in it, but this site is great place to gather info and to even sometimes vent. Good luck to you.

Neela

 

[blue_eyed_angel]

-Neela-

Thank You for your advice. I really appreciate it. I am new to dealing with someone who has PTSD. I am trying to educate myself as much as I possibly can. I really care for this guy. And I would love it if things would work out between us for the long haul. Even though he does have PTSD and other things he is an absolutely amazing person. I try to be as patient as possible. And I realize that this is his illness and that I can' let it effect me mentally or physically. We are just dating and don't live together. But I usually go to his house about every night. And there are some nights that I won't go to his house. Only because if I talk to him on the phone and can tell that he's had a bad day, I will give him space. I don't want us to ever get to a point to where if we are together for a while we don't look back and stop and think that we should've ended our relationship a long time ago. It is definitely hard somedays. Only I have to realize that I need to keep an open mind and not be offended or take it personally if he doesn't talk to me or whatever. But I really appreciate your reply. It makes me feel better since I have found this forum. Because I know that I do need to have a place to talk about things.

Thanks Again..