Having A Rough Night

[zeropoint]

It's 3 AM here now, and I'm still up, feeling sensitive and scared.

A lot of things are coming at me at once. The biggest thing is that I found out today that my landlord won't let me renew my lease when it ends in August. i've had a lot of traumatic housing situations, and looking for an apartment, while terrible for anyone, affects me in ways that it doesn't hit some people. Plus I've been thinking about moving to an altogether new city and not just a new apartment anyway, and now that puts pressure on me to decide and plan accordingly.

I went to a support group tonight for bipolar/depression (I'm bipolar II). It was helpful in a lot of ways but also just kept reminding me that people don't like people who are mentally ill, that we have to constantly fight just for basic dignity.

I can't sleep tonight (I'm also just starting a cpap, which is a big change) and I'm trying to find helpful things to do, but nothing's really working, especially since it's so hard to just visit a website or watch a video or whatever without witnessing some form of bigotry or another. I have far too many writing projects going right now, but I knew if I tried to work on them I'd just be spinning my wheels.

Thank you for reading this. It's lonely here now, and it's lonely in my life right now, which is why I want to move. It's so hard to fill the hours late at night.

 

[mrsps]

Just wanted to say you don't need to be lonely we are here!
The middle of the night is the hardest when you cant sleep :(
Sorry you are having a rough time, I hope you can find something to comfort you and help you feel safe

 

[zeropoint]

Thank you. It helps to remember that other people are out there, especially ones that know how it feels to be scared and alone.

 

[shimmerz]

i've had a lot of traumatic housing situations, and looking for an apartment, while terrible for anyone, affects me in ways that it doesn't hit some people.

This touches me in ways that you have no idea. I feel you. It can feel so hopeless can't it? This is perhaps like the pot calling the kettle black, but this may well be an opening for you to get on that move you have been thinking about, opening up many new and wonderful opportunities. Have you a T to help you through the transition? Maybe help you explore how to get to some of the trauma of moving?

 

[Dana1010]

I was dreaming of leaving town again last night, going on Craigslist in different cities and towns seeing what the rent would be, imagining myself arriving from the airport. It started feeling so lonely and hopeless looking at those empty rooms, which is weird because I don't have friends here so it's not like I'd be lonelier technically if I moved to Antarctica. I guess I could just see how meaningless a life without relationships is. It's too bad they don't have a zoo for humans I could offer myself to--I'd be well adapted to a life of solitary captivity with just basic survival needs provided for.