Having Surgery Tomorrow- Flashes Of The Rape

[honeypie058]

I have been on the forum for awhile but never posted before now. Not sure if this topic belongs here.

I can't sleep, PTSD is here. I'm afraid I will have flashbacks of the rape in front of the nurses and doctors and afraid I'm going to lose it. The rapist is going through my mind constantly and the physical consequence of the rape is there too.

I'm desperately fighting against the flashes using the grounding techniques that my therapist taught me. The anxiety keeps coming back. Am I going mad, is this normal reaction to the horror of being violated? I guess this turned into a rant. Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[Intrepid]

Your reaction is normal for someone with PTSD.

The grounding techniques help with the symptoms. There are other things you can do to help with the underlying causes.

When nothing helps, I rant. Don't be ashamed of ranting. This is a safe place to rant.

 

[Neverthesame]

If ranting is helping as a supplement to the grounding techniques, go for it. There's no harm in that, nor is it unusual. That nervous energy can feel like trying push a balloon under water.

Being as nervous/afraid/anxious as you are right now. Imagine how good it's going to feel after it's all said and done, and you don't have to worry about it anymore.

 

[prayingforpeace]

@honeypie058,
You are most certainly not mad... it's the trauma/ptsd. I deal with similar issues when having any type of procedure. Because of my spine issues, I go for injections and each time I do my anxiety level is very high. My BP is very high, like stroke numbers. For me it seems to bring up feelings of having a person "hurt" me against my will. Now, my mind knows that I'm going there willingly, but my body feels like it's being forced to endure abuse without a choice.

Maybe you can explain to the nurses/MD's what your feeling if they don't know? I'm sorry I don't have the answers but I just wanted you to know that you're not alone.

I wish you a fast recovery and the best of health.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Nope, not mad, you're struggling with the effects of PTSD and the scary thoughts about surgery. I haven't surgery since I became aware of my PTSD, but I have had a lot of testing done recently. I use my ground techniqes and internal messages of reassurance (where I am, what is actually happening, how this is being done in order help me, that this is not the past...). I am honest with the people doing the tests that I have PTSD and am worried about showing symptoms. I don't get into specifics about why I have PTSD, but I put it out there so they will be prepared. The last examiner was extremely kind once she knew and immediately understood why I was telling her and helped walk me through the whole test. So if they don't already know, you should alert your medical team if you can and feel comfortable doing so that you have PTSD because it can help.

Maybe there are other techniques including distraction that you can use when the anxiety comes since it seems to keep coming back so strong. It makes perfect sense why you are feeling a lot of anxiety. Having more than one tool might help.

 

[Friday]

I've learned to chat up the anesthesiologist before surgeries whenever possible so they can front load me with the same anti anxiety meds they use during surgery. Every anesthesiologist I've spoken to hugely appreciates this. Both because it makes me easier to deal with ;) ((from a medical standpoint, they aren't fighting massive adrenaline & other chemical surges burning off their drugs from my panic attacks, no matter how much I lock myself down externally, they're trying to stabilize the internal)), and because it lets them work out their formulas in advance.

I like it because I may be high as a f*cking kite -or dead asleep- for a day or so in advance, but I'm not in hell.

Even if it's only a few hours in advance, it's something that is hugely worth it to me.

 

[Broken Dahlia]

I have been on the forum for awhile but never posted before now. Not sure if this topic belongs her...

Hi honeypie058, I understand what you are going through. I broke my knee in January and had to have surgery. I took Xanax before going to the hospital, but it was still scary. A lovely chaplain spoke to me, even though I am atheist, and was very comforting. I told everyone involved that I have PTSD so that they had warning and also to allow myself to react however I needed; I didn't need the additional stress of trying to act "normal." I cried a lot but it didn't seem to bother anyone. Anyone going into surgery is going to be afraid.

Weeks later, I did have a flashback when I had to be catheterized, not of my rapes but of my childhood. The ER doctor and nurses were wonderful, very supportive and just helped get me through it. Once the procedure was done my reaction was, too. I hope you don't have any flashbacks, they suck, but if you do at least you are around people trained to handle it.

@FridayJones is spot on. I was told to definitely take my normal anxiety medicine before my surgery but could have used something stronger; need to remember to do this in the future.

Good luck, hope everything goes as smoothly as possible. Wishing you a speedy recovery as well.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I hope that all will work out smoothly for you and and wishing you a speedy recovery.:hug: