Having To Go Over Old Ground With New Therapist.

[Hashi]

Hi, I don't know if anyone else can relate to this or has any thoughts?

I had to stop seeing my last therapist because it was time limited. I've started seeing a new one, and am thankful that I like her and she seems very good. It's hard to start talking about the trauma, though.

One reason is that I don't feel we know each other very well yet. But I can't afford to spend a few months first talking about more general things - I can't afford it financially or emotionally. There are things that are on my mind and affecting me now and they need/want to be talked about. I can pace myself as I need to, rather than trying to say everything all at once, but I need to make a start.

The second problem is that it was hard going through everything with my first therapist, but it was what I was actively working on all week outside T. I feel like I'm starting off with a backlog. I need to start explaining the older stuff to my new T so I can process it more and she understands something about what happened, and also I need to talk about the current stuff.

I don't know how to talk about the older stuff. It's still painful and difficult to say, and with my first T I took art or writing with me to help me talk. I think it would feel weird to take in some art or a journal entry I did a year ago, to help me explain to my T now. I think my feelings have moved on since then. I can't imagine how to talk without a "prop" like this, but the art and writing I'm doing now is about the current stuff.

I also feel very weary at the thought of going back through all that again. I know I have to, I still have to work on it, but it makes me feel I'll never be done with all this.

Any thoughts? Or just understanding would be appreciated too!

Hashi

 

[maddog]

Hashi.

Not too many thoughts I'm afraid, but a lot, an *awful* lot of understanding.

I can thoroughly appreciate everything you have said and am afraid that this is one of the really difficult and troubling things about changing therapists. I have partially done this several times. While my primary T (the first person to whom I ever spoke about the trauma and the one who I trust and truly work with) has remained unchanged, I have seen 3 separate psychiatrists throughout the past two years, and with each of them have had to go through a version of what you are going through.

Granted, it is critical to bear in mind that they have never been my primary T, which has decreased my need to cover all of the details of the past, but has also unfortunately significantly decreased my motivation to do so.

Is there any way you can have your old T write a report or send some summary information from your file that could at least get the ball rolling for the new T on some of the really key stuff? I know it would only be a drop in the ocean, but it might at least give her some prompts and ways in which she could help guide you to the critical older stuff without you having to take all of that initiative yourself and figure out what is most important on your own etc.

I don't think there is necessarily anything wrong with taking in stuff you did a year ago as it relates to old events/experiences, even if you do include the disclaimer that some of your feelings may have evolved since then because of x y and z, which might help you to build a bridge between some of the older stuff and x, y and z and make it easier to identify what is most critical from both the past and present stuff... I don't know, it's just a suggestion.

I'm sorry this has been so unhelpful, I really wish I knew an easy way to do this myself. Disclosure fatigue is enormous and can feel utterly overwhelming, not to mention the sheer complexity of finding a way to very quickly convey very difficult information that can't, by its very nature, be dealt with quickly.

Wish I could help more.
Really glad that you have a positive early feeling about your new T though.

Hang in there.

Maddog

 

[Nighthawk]

Oh I can totally relate I am freaking out cause my T is leaving at the end of April. All I can offer is work on what you can when you can. The fact that you went to a new T is a good start in my opinion.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Hang in there, (((((Hashi))))).

I'm not sure I believe in 'old ground' anymore, though I'm sure my T. and others get tired of us having to re-establish safety and go over and over certain things.

I do trust myself to take a 'bubbling to the top' approach. My brain seems to pick whatever hasn't been examined enough to allow itself to safely 'sink' down well into my psyche so pretty much anything I bring up is ok.

Talking still never feels normal to me. I struggle with feeling like I'm betraying the family...in danger...putting myself at risk with revealing too much. But hey, even if we just talked about picking our nose every danged appointment, it's our time, our dime, you know?

So allowing ourselves to talk as we can, trusting ourselves to reveal as we need to is all a part of the process.

Not judging ourselves is the secure ground to stand on during this.

 

[EloiseLandau]

I just finally settled on the idea of typing out my basic story and sending it to a counselor by email so they can look over it before I meet them. That way I'm not going over every itty bitty detail to someone fresh.

 

[squidge]

Hi Hashi,

I have taken in some of my old art with my current T. I did feel strange bringing it in, as i had already talked about it with my ex-T, and felt I had processed most of it back then. But the nice thing was i was able to get another perspective about it from him and it helps my T to better understand where I am coming from. If you have some powerful pieces that you think would help your T understand you better, then I say take them in and by all means share them.

 

[Arctic]

Totally relate,because of the way funding works for me, there are status reports every XYZ # of sessions. I tend to refer new people to "status reports" or "That's been previously well documented by so-and-so, go read it. I'm honest to God tired about having to go through everything from square 1 with people. It hurts. and too, I forget stuff, not on purpose, you just tend to assume someone knows everything already...
E

 

[Hashi]

Thank you for all your replies and thoughts. It feels better knowing I'm not the only one who feels this. Maddog, I love the phrase "disclosure fatigue". Yup.

Unfortunately, getting a report from my last T is out of the question because it's a rule at the centre where I saw her that they "won't do anything a survivor can do for themselves" so thanks to that I had to disclose in person to my doctor about 18 months ago and I still haven't got over how bad an experience that was.

I've thought about giving her something written out by me, but I always found with my last T that it was important for me to say it aloud, even if it was me reading out what was written down. I'm not sure why that is, and I'm going to keep in mind the idea of giving her some writing.

I decided to try telling my T how I began to recover memories and had to find approaches to healing (like starting therapy), and I can show my art and writing in the context of where I was at the time. That way, I feel more like I'm telling a story which gets gradually more detailed (I have a strong storyteller archetype so that's in my comfort zone) and less like I'm having to dive into a catalogue of horror. It can also help me introduce some of my rather off-beat approaches to healing, too, hopefully. There are many and although she seems accepting of anything I worry a bit how some of it sounds.

I think it will be helpful to do it that way. I said a bit last week that was small enough not to overwhelm me but was still a step forward. It felt right and I trust my instincts so that was a relief.

Thank you again, I appreciate your replies.

Hashi