Having trouble with believing it wasn't that bad so i should be able to hold it together.

[saraemerald]

I know what I went through growing up was pretty harsh but sometimes I feel like it wasn't that bad and then feel horrible for reacting so badly to everything these last couple of years instead of continuing to hold it together and stay strong.

 

[saraemerald]

For one, when you leave a strict controlling religion like the Jehovah's witnesses that practices shunning, the response you get when you leave that religion is that it's all your fault. You must have done something wrong to get disfellowshipped or they say it was your choice to leave and you know the consequences of leaving Jehovah. And then you lose all your friends you ever knew.
But I wohld reason when I left, they are not a cult because they don't practice weird satanic rituals or something extreme like that, that other cults do. And then I think well, everyone for the most part was so nice to me growing up, in my congegation and they do try to practice good bible priciples in their lives.
But when you try to explain some of the religion's doctrines and practices and how much control they actually have over your life, other people don't get because they never experienced it themselves. And many people think the Jehovah's Witnesses are always sooo nice but they don't know what it's like to actually be a Jehovah's Witness and how you are essentially treated just for leaving the religion which often entails being disfellowshipped which is a cruel form of shunning.

 

[saraemerald]

For one, when you leave a strict controlling religion like the Jehovah's witnesses that practices s...

Sorry for all the mistypes. It wouldn't let me edit it for some reason after I posted it.

 

[saraemerald]

I have felt more shame from leaving my religion than for leaving my family after all the years of abuse from them growing up. And I have lost a sense of myself since leaving the religion, that I never lost when I left my family. I used to believe in a God that I was both scared of but also felt was watching over me through hard times and people in my congregation I was part of, became more family to me than my own family. And even though some things that we had to do in the religion used to cause me anxiety, I took pride in trying to overcome my anxiety and be strong for my faith in God and persevering in my faith despite hardships. Then I stopped wanting to be strong all the time and persever despite hardships and remain faithful. I got sick and tired of it ecause it got me nowhere except constantly waiting for the great tribulation to come and armageddon and thinking we were the only ones in the world who knew "the truth" and we would be bloodguilty if we didn't continue faithfully knocking on people's doors and bothering them on Satuday morning or on weekdays to share the good news about the inpending end of this world, " Satan's wicked system of things". And you can't be friends with or have "close association" with anyone who is not a Jehovah's Witness because they are worldy and a part of Satan's wicked system of things and they could lead you astray.
Ugghhh!!!!