He Can't Give Support

[Viwur]

So I've had a lot of bleeding for a long time and my Dr said it's not normal. Of course my sufferer knew about it. I'm having a D&C. They're testing for cancer. I may need a hysterectomy. I told my sufferer and he was nice about it, but now I haven't heard from him. I knew he was in a bad place before I told him and I know I made it worse. I just had to tell him. Of course I was hoping for support, but he doesn't have any to give.

 

[Cumavad]

I'm sorry, that sucks. It's hard to do so much supporting with no support in return.

 

[Bida]

I feel for you. I have fibroids which cause heavy bleeding and should really have a hysterectomy but I haven't even seen a surgeon because I do not think my sufferer would cope with caring for me post-surgery.

Hugs if you accept them.

 

[Lajavu]

Ladies please take care of yourselves. A sufferer who cannot support you is not an excuse for letting your own health fall by the wayside.

 

[Fudi]

I will be taking care of myself. My D&C will be scheduled for Jan, they are just waiting for bloodwork. Depending on those results I will get a second opinion or whatever additional treatment is needed. My sufferer was more in contact with me before I saw the gyn, before cancer was mentioned. I know he's not in a good place, I just wish he could check in. My mother will be the one helping me. All I need from him is emotional support and I guess he can't do that.

Of course I'm concerned with how all of this will affect me sexually. I don't know if that's something he's thought of, and if it is, that's making it worse. I'm so tired and achey and so upset over how it will affect us.

 

[Wesised]

I had CIN 3/CIS cervical dysplasia, which is a fancy way of saying the step below cervical cancer. My sufferer melted down and said that it was all his fault. It was bad karma because he was a killer and now the ones he loved would suffer and die. Then I had to talk him down from hurting himself.

All this while going through surgery and waiting on biopsy results.

PTSD is a selfish disorder.

 

[Bafa]

All I need from him is emotional support and I guess he can't do that.

As a sufferer, speaking purely for myself, this is usually the hardest part for me. In no small part because emotional support doesn't even occur to me. I don't really even parse what that is most of the time. And when I do I see it very much through my own lens; if someone is holed up & hurting? Don't bother them. If they need me, they will reach out. Until then, respect. They have some shit they're going through.

 

[Ojive]

So I had it done. He was in touch with me that day but nothing since. I get the results in a week. I'm so scared and feel so alone. I read endometrial cancer is actually very common. It's not even the thought of the fact that cancer is a killer that scares me, but it's the surgery. It will effect my sexuality. It will change everything. Having him shut me out during this is so hard, because I think about this part of it with him. I don't know how to put it into words. I'm just so sad and scared and lonely.

 

[Ipaj]

So sorry to hear you are dealing with this alone. Hugs if you accept them.

 

[Imimij]

Hugs

 

[Etin]

Same! CIN2, procedure done, awful experience. Initial support and sympathy from my partner when we attempted sex a few days after (I wasn't given any post op info telling me not to) and I bled horribly. I think fight/flight instinct really helped the situation there actually, because I was scared and very embarrassed and he was much more sympathetic and understanding than I could have imagined. Since then, when escalated, he will say mean things about my situation saying cancer is hereditary and it's not his fault. (I wasn't directly blaming him, but it is very possible he contributed to the circumstances that led to this.) And for what it's worth, it's not hereditary. Post procedure check up revealed the CIN is back so I may have to have the procedure done again and we may have to make changes to our sex life moving forward. This time around, I gave him the bare bones of the information so he would be aware, but I have since learned not to go into detail about this stuff with him, especially not too far ahead of time. I'll tell him about an upcoming appointment a week or so ahead of time. If I need him to drive me to the appointment because I won't feel up to driving afterward? I'll tell him the day before or the day of. Otherwise? It seems to be too much info for him to know or too much emotion about it to process.

Still sucks though.