Justmehere
Sponsor
Everything was great until you found out he was cheating is a distorted view of the relationship. It's not a great relationship when one party is cheating on the other and the other person thinks everything is great, because they don't know.
You were in a relationship with someone other than his true authentic honest self. You were in a relationship with who he was pretending to be with you. A man who was with you, and only you.
Now you have the real authentic him. You know what the truth was all along.
And you keep trying to change him, help him, change you, change your feelings. You are focused on trying so hard to trust someone who still acts unworthy of trust. (This is probably part of why you feel like you are going crazy.)
He is making big changes, not out of taking responsibility for his behavior and recovery, but out of a desire to not lose you. He is changing his career in some drastic ways, just to not lose you. You are trying to change you and ignore untrustworthy behaviors, while trying to help him. He is also trying to control and change you.
Healthy relationships involve compromise, give and take, and a willingness to bend. There are times where strong boundaries are needed, and times where we call the other person out on their stuff.
This happens in a context of general acceptance of who the other person is and what the truth is.
That level of acceptance seems to be missing in this relationship, both from him and you.
Acceptance doesn't mean calling a relationship great when someone is cheating on the other person. Acceptance isn't tolerating the untolerable. It doesn't mean saying things are ok that are really not ok.
Acceptance is facing things for what they are. Acceptance means being willing to face who the other person is, just as they are, without changing them. Acceptance means choosing how we will respond to how the other person behaves, and seeking to control the only thing we have any control over in our lives: ourselves.
Nether of you seems to have a high level of acceptance for the other person. Unless that changes, I think you are both setting yourselves up to be very resentful over the long run when you both experience that neither of you were able to change the other person into what you needed or wanted them to be.
