Relationship He Is Withdrawing Again.

[OrangeJulius]

Hello,

I'm new here. Well, I finally made an account. I've been lurking for a while. It's been SO beneficial to hear other people pretty much tell my story sometimes. It's really hard when your friends and family don't quite understand that your significant other isn't necessarily ignoring you for days at a time, but is going through his or her process. Its been nice to have this forum to read and feel more normal I guess. Other people having the same kind of relationship problems as me.

My, hmmm....what is he at this point?...let's go with exclusive-friend-but-not-quite-boyfriend. My EFBNQB is withdrawing again. Day 1. Its just been one of those days in general and now I can't even get advice from him because he requires space right now. Its a real bummer sometimes. Just a waiting game now. Just hoping it'll be a quick one this time round. I always continue with my life just fine during these periods but its hard not to miss the random joke texts throughout the day. Its also hard not to send the random joke texts throughout the day. Especially when I know how much he'd love it if he wasn't going through his process. And then I have to fill up the time that I usually spend with him (physically or on the phone) and to be honest, I just don't have that many hobbies. Thank goodness for Netflix I guess!

Anyways, I'm just missing him today since it was a mutual day off that we would have normally spent together. At least I got some good spring cleaning done though!

 

[Nicolette]

Welcome OrangeJulius :)

 

[dms]

Welcome to the forum.

 

[KimberleeMarie]

OrangeJulius, I am feeling in a very similar situation right now. My (fiancé about a month ago) and now turned into EFBNQB since he said he can't deal with a relationship right now, though he is the father of my daughter, is moving out of our apartment and going three hours away to live in the same city as his parents. He has gone through times where he's wanted time alone and left for the weekend but now he's really withdrawing completely. He says give me a year, you never know what's going to happen. I feel that I'm going to also struggle with filling the time where we usually do things together.. We still have until the first of June in our apartment together so I'm just trying to make the most of it. Of course we will be coming up and visiting him because he wants to see his daughter, but once again like you, it's going to be hard to not text the funny things I see throughout the day, and to not see him whenever I want.. Not trying to turn this post about me (sorry) just want you to know you're not alone and I know just how you feel.

 

[OrangeJulius]

Thanks for the welcome everyone!

KimberleeMarie, you totally didn't turn it to you. Its nice knowing other people get it. Misery loves company right? ha And your story also helps because at least there's no kids for me. And it just reinforces that it doesn't have to do with me at all. Your guy has a great little reason to try and stick it out, and even so he still needs his space. Him and I aren't super serious to begin with but this just reminds me that even if we were it wouldn't matter much. This would still happen.

 

[KimberleeMarie]

That's exactly right OrangeJulius.. I had a man who wanted to marry me and was helping planning our wedding. It doesn't matter how serious you are, or how in love you are, or how much you try to stop it.. When this horrible disorder takes over a loved one, THEY are the only ones who can change what happens, along with support from wonderful people and professionals.

 

[dms]

OJulius I went through the same disappearing act you are experiencing in December, when my PTSD friend abruptly announced during one of his illnesses, that he couldn't handle a relationship with me/didn't want to see me again. It crushed me because I did everthing to help him!!! Ironically, he finally came by to see me after 5 months the other day. He feels very guilty. I forgave him months ago for my own sanity. However, I will NEVER EVER wish upon a star with him again!!

It was actually wonderful to see my old best friend and lover again. We hugged, kissed, and stayed up most of the night listening to music, talking about what we've been doing during our separation and just laughing. I know he still loves me, and I love him too. I'm not waiting for him anymore. I didn't ask him when he was coming back or anything. It was just a relief to see him looking well again. In my heart, I know that I needed to see him. These past few months I've only mostly received texts messages telling me too "move on or he was sorry". I've starting casually dating a guy from my past now and I go out with other friends and family often now. I'm taking all my relationships real slow. I like having company but I'm still healing.

 

[JessMar0126]

Julius, you are definitely not alone! Give him the space he needs and try to keep yourself busy as much as possible.
It's important for you to keep yourself healthy. Remember, you are number 1.

Perhaps take this time to research this condition as much as possible and determine if this is something you are prepared to deal with. I am learning through this forum and from personal experience that it's not easy. Even so, I have made the decision that I am in this for the long haul if my sufferer allows me to be.

Good luck to you and I will keep you in my thoughts.