Left Behind Spouse
Bronze Member
sorry to add to this post, but I cannot figure out how to add a new one.
I am struggling with this. My ex-husband left me abruptly a year ago April, and he went on to work around the clock and mostly out of the country from April to December. he gave up custody of the kids during this time.
he broke down in December, started medication and started in a treatment program for PTSD from childhood trauma. He came home in January. Our relationship wasn't really worked on because he kept shoving me off "as he was dealing with a lot". I'm sure he was.
In April he left again. Same as the last time, he was sad and communicative at first, and then he became mean and nasty and now says, "we tried and it didn't work out." Well, we didn't try.
Since he left over a year ago, he has never returned to himself. He has become extremely narcissistic... very self-centered. But his hatred and mistrust seems to only be aimed at me. Will his love remain for the kids as they become young adults?
He remains committed to his children, and he would like me to give him more custody of the kids. I had retracted his visitation because my daughter told me he was sleeping a LOT. She also said they were playing outside alone while he rested or cooked supper.... they are 5 and 6.
He was extremely overwhelmed with pain and the things coming up in therapy before he left. he kept telling me he was having a really rough time.
As soon as I told him this was worrying me about the kids... and maybe he needed more rest, he stopped talking to me all together. He told me I am using his mental state against him...... And he became full on narcissist again!
I know that being with the kids is good for him.... at this point, I told him he can have them every other weekend and visit them and take them on outings as much as possible.
His program has an end state, graduation, if you will.... and I would like to wait until I see him calmer and more like his old self before I can make him officially a custodian of the kids 50% of the time.
any thoughts?
I am struggling with this. My ex-husband left me abruptly a year ago April, and he went on to work around the clock and mostly out of the country from April to December. he gave up custody of the kids during this time.
he broke down in December, started medication and started in a treatment program for PTSD from childhood trauma. He came home in January. Our relationship wasn't really worked on because he kept shoving me off "as he was dealing with a lot". I'm sure he was.
In April he left again. Same as the last time, he was sad and communicative at first, and then he became mean and nasty and now says, "we tried and it didn't work out." Well, we didn't try.
Since he left over a year ago, he has never returned to himself. He has become extremely narcissistic... very self-centered. But his hatred and mistrust seems to only be aimed at me. Will his love remain for the kids as they become young adults?
He remains committed to his children, and he would like me to give him more custody of the kids. I had retracted his visitation because my daughter told me he was sleeping a LOT. She also said they were playing outside alone while he rested or cooked supper.... they are 5 and 6.
He was extremely overwhelmed with pain and the things coming up in therapy before he left. he kept telling me he was having a really rough time.
As soon as I told him this was worrying me about the kids... and maybe he needed more rest, he stopped talking to me all together. He told me I am using his mental state against him...... And he became full on narcissist again!
I know that being with the kids is good for him.... at this point, I told him he can have them every other weekend and visit them and take them on outings as much as possible.
His program has an end state, graduation, if you will.... and I would like to wait until I see him calmer and more like his old self before I can make him officially a custodian of the kids 50% of the time.
any thoughts?
