Relationship He Shut Me Out

[Mariposa Verde]

I have been reading this forum for about two months. He shut me out since Feb 22. We are not in a relationship, we are friends but are very very close. He told me that he wanted to take things slow but he has proven to me that he is interested, loyal, caring, etc. I know that he is not with anyone else. I am sure of this. Only twice before he stopped communicating but for a little over a week and during that time he texted me to say that he needed space and it wasn't my fault. Anyway, we were planning to go on a trip together on Feb 22 and I did not hear anything from him during the day. I was already worried because since the days before I noticed something was up because of the way he was talking and the things he was saying (for example he started talking about a Navy SEAL that died and how now he has to honor him) but of course he said everything was ok (we only talked on the phone those days). Then later that day he called and said he wasn't going with me because he was sick, Anxiety was through the roof, and his life was breaking apart. He didn't sound like himself at all so I know he wasn't lying plus his airfares were already booked. Anyway, he told me his dad was taking him to the VA bc he "needed someone to take this away from me," those were his exact words. I didn't know what to do even more so because I was already at the airport. I went on the trip by myself and sent him a few texts as support. I didn't hear anything from him for over a week. Then he texted and said that he had a life breakdown and when he is ready he will contact me to discuss it all. Then about three weeks later I received a similar text plus he said: I need to get back to me first before I talk to you. I need a littke break from society.
It has been a roller coaster of emotions for me. Sometimes I feel really angry at him, sometimes I feel I understand but most of the time I just miss him very much. I have no idea if he will follow through and contact me after he is better or how long will take him to get better. Going from talking everyday a few times a day to not knowing anything about him is hell. I only told two of my closest friends about this and both of them think he is just a jerk. I disagree. I think he is wonderful and I truly care for him and of course have deep feelings for him. So reading some posts here gave me some sort of hope but honestly I don't know if I should have hope!
I apologize for the length of this reply, I just needed to tell this to someone who can relate and understand. Have a good day! :)

 

[holdenmonty]

It definitely isn't easy for either of you. I like that you know that he isn't a jerk. In the relationship with my wife I am the one with PTSD so I can't give you the supporter perspective but the fact that he has been going to the VA is a good thing because he wants to be better, but there is no set time frame on getting better. I really want to thank you for writing the post. I really like getting the supporter perspective so I can try and be better for my wife and my boys, and see things from the supporter side.

 

[Sweetpea76]

If you're sitting around waiting on him to get better, you're in the wrong mindset.

PTSD isn't curable. It can be treatable. It can be managed, but it's not going to go away. Even if he improves, PTSD can be cyclical, and he can deteriorate again.

You need to figure out if you want to be in a relationship with somebody who has a mental illness. Can you handle it if he is always like this?

 

[Mariposa Verde]

@holdenmonty Thank you for your words and for your service. It speaks volumes that you are giving your best for your wife and boys. :-)

@Sweetpea76 Thank you for replying to my post. I appreciate it. I definitely not just sitting down waiting for him. I have continued to live my life but I have hope that he will come back someday. However, I wonder if I should have hope.
I can handle being in a relationship with him but I know that I need to learn more about PTSD so that's why I decided to join this forum. It is very helpful to hear and learn from others. Thank you again :-)

 

[Coco80]

its so hard!! If you have a good support team, it's not so bad!! My Hubby suffers from PTSD. I've had some hardship in my life but this icethe cake! He chose his family over our marriage! It kills me, I've had his back but it wasn't good enough . It's so hard

 

[Mariposa Verde]

@Coco80 I am sorry :-(