Sufferer Healing Well

[LeanneR]

Hi folks,
I am doing great now, but I had a really bad experience years ago. I was drugged and kidnapped by a guy out of my grandma's house in the middle of the night. I had no help from others and didn't deal with the experience emotionally at the time. I have been doing a lot of work to heal in the last few years, with good success. A few of my reasons to connect with folks here are 1) to talk to others who understand my experience, 2) to get some ideas about ways to heal faster, and 3) maybe get some suggestions about how to identify the guy who did it.

The folks I'd like to connect with are not just other rape survivors, but also others who've experienced violent trauma from any cause. Since I nearly died during this experience, a lot of my issues have been delayed shock coming out years after the fact, although I've had the usual dose of shame, embarrassment, etc - but that has been easier to heal than the traumatic reaction to the near death experience. I reckon I'd be more forgiving of myself and my reactions if I sometimes communicate with people who've had similar reactions to mine.

Regarding finding ways to heal faster, I am nearly totally tapped out financially now, so I am looking for suggestions to get funding to help with further counselling, etc. I am lucky to have a well paying job - which I had to work heroically to hold onto through several bad PTSD-insomnia years - but I'm doing better lately. However I have spent all my spare income on PTSD healing stuff for the last 5 years, and it would be nice to be able to start saving for retirement, etc. Also I find it hard that everybody thinks I am rich when I'm not, or sees me as wastefully spendthrift. Telling them that I'm broke because I got kidnapped and tortured by a lunatic tends to put an embarrassing damper on the conversation as you can imagine.

Thirdly it would be nice to try to track down the guy who did this to me. I am not really expecting much after all these years, but it would be really nice to find out even a little information about him. I did report this to the police a year ago, but they closed the case after 2 months and weren't able to find out anything. Has anyone else on this forum tried to locate a criminal decades after the fact, and do you have any advice or ideas as to how to do this?

Thanks folks, great to find a nice active forum, and I hope to have some good chats with you folks out there.

Cheers,
Leanne

 

[PointlessExistence]

Hi, Leanne. I'm sorry for what you went through. My backstory is not similar so I have no advice about the healing, etc. I just wanted to say that a private investigator is one option into finding out who did that to you. But as you aren't in a great place financially at the moment, I suppose it isn't a realistic option. Anyway, welcome to the forum. I am sure you will find it helpful, as there are a lot of helpful people who know firsthand what you're going through.

 

[Suzetig]

Welcome to the forum, it sounds like you've had an awful time of it.

There are lots of folk here with good experience of supporting and working on their own healing using trauma diaries, exploring distorted cognitions etc so do have a look around. There are lots of things you can work on while figuring out how to afford therapy, and if you've done a lot of work on yourself you may find that the tools you've learned plus work you do here makes therapy less of an issue.

Here are some places to start.


Reading Forum Increases Symptoms!

Name That Distorted Cognition (thought/perception)

 

[Deleted member 35429]

Gosh that is awful, I'm so sorry.

I was not kidnapped but my trauma is from a sadistic lunatic and I definitely was close to death from strangulation at several points. The rape element gives me a similar disgust and shame but the trauma, I mean, the raging PTSD symptoms are all around the violence. I don't really have any sexual dysfunction. I think the violence trumped that in my mind...not to say that a non-violent rape isn't horrible. Just for me I can relate to what you say. When PTSD kicks in for me, I tend to watch a lot of war movies and I feel like I can only really relate to soldiers or others that have been in combat. I spent a lot of years doing martial arts and that really helped.

I am impressed you have held down your job and done well. I highly recommend finding a way to get into therapy and establish a relationship with a counselor and just stay in therapy for a while. It will give you a place to put all this trauma.

Glad you are reaching out here. There will be others that can relate to your story.

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome!

I don't advise trying to track down a past assailant. It usually doesn't bring much closure, at least not the type you're wanting/expecting. But hey maybe that's just me.

 

[LeanneR]

Thanks folks for the responses and kind comments. Orion, thanks heaps for the feedback - I have had very similar responses to those you describe. Likewise, I feel that I have much more in common with soldiers or others who've been in combat. I am not sure how to connect with such folks, since they have all sorts of free help programs available to them, whereas it seems that if you have a "combat situation" while not actually being a solider, there are no resources or support networks in place. (Or maybe it's just that I haven't found such things yet). Like you, when I get stressed out, I also watch a lot of action TV and movies, especially ones with a gallant hero who comes in and saves the day. A very clear case of attachment to my Dad - who never knew about what happened to me until a couple of years ago.

I have done a lot of counselling, probably averaged about 40 sessions a year for the last 3-4 years, which has really helped. (Helped my mental health, but not my bank balance!) Eg that's why I am now capable of talking openly on this forum now.

I was thinking about taking up some kind of martial arts soon. I had a guy come into my house drunk and shouting at me a few weeks ago, and I had to call the police to get rid of him - a very triggering experience for me (to say the least!!). I think I have now healed from the original kidnapping experience to the point where at some point I might be able to see myself as strong enough to consider fighting back in a situation like this. (In the past any attempt at martial arts or self defense training just made me feel more weak and helpless, not less so.)

Thanks again, and I hope to chat more with others who've had similar experiences.
Cheers,
Leanne

 

[bluepassport]

Hi folks,
I am doing great now, but I had a really bad experience years ago. I was drugged and kidnapp...

...Stopping by to say that you are INCREDIBLY brave for sharing your story and for taking steps to get help.

I recently quit my job (and said goodbye to a steady paycheque) to deal with my PTSD (childhood sexual abuse and abandonment), so I can relate to the lack of financial resources to help in the healing process. Therapy can be so expensive, but I was able to get a referral from the hospital for a specialist that operates on a sliding scale and charges only what I'm able to pay for therapy each week. It takes a bit of digging around and research, but perhaps there might be something similar where you live?

There are also some community social services like the YWCA that can help with finding free/affordable legal and personal support if you need it.

Sending you comfort and light in your journey and thank you for sharing.