Hello - A Self-Diagnostic Effort so Far

[Sean]

Concerned that some mental cognition maybe brought
on by either my current Ross River Virus or a couple of
recent head injuries, it occurred to me this morning that there may be some sort of denial over the past
couple of years, of the actual accidents and
subsequent hospitalisations, possibly causing some
sort of stress. I remember referring to it as
"auto-phobia" last year, but it may have a better
name.

I hope that reading over some of the threads and posts here that I might learn from others accounts of
PTSD what if any symptoms I may or may not share,
and how to treat and overcome some of these
mysterious anxieties and eccentricities. I maybe
wrong, and must consider the causes of RRV and normal brain-damage as contributing factors. Perhaps am just worried about nothing.

Excuse me while I go for a read now. I hope to get
the time to come back and elaborate after reading a
few examples. Thank you. BRB.

 

[anthony]

Hi Sean, welcome to the forum.

 

[Sean]

Thank you for the forum itself.

Thank you Anthony. Until today I could see myself
starting to become the most cynical person I had
ever met or read about. The professional manners
I have so far gleaned from reading through some of
the threads on ptsdforum.org remind me that while
my attitude has often been at fault in recent times,
the subject was probably on target, somewhat,
albeit generally misunderstood.

Not having thought to yahoo! PTSD until this afternoon
in Perth, WA, I am almost speechless after such a
discovery as this forum. I feel it appropriate to
refrain from further reply until the morning, and hope
to elaborate, as mentioned, on the journey to get
here. That's not so urgent now. Still have two legs
and arms working.

Thank you again for the forum. Even your sense in
browser choice rings true to a most rare note...

TTY tomorrow, and well done,

Sean.

 

[Sean]

Self-absorbed elaboration on introduction.

Quote: WildfireWild1...

1. I AM NOT GOING CRAZY!!!!
2. MY BODY IS WORKING ON PROTECTING ME!!!

Thank you Wild'. This is one example of the kind of information I have found, and hope to continue to find here.

It can be a complicated jigsaw to piece together, and so I registered here to search for
some of the missing shapes. I must admit that my purpose of joining is quite selfish,
and I blame this motive on the frustration and anger I feel toward whatever it is that
continues to make me ill for so long. I understand that not all of the pieces may fit my
puzzle, but still must leave no stone ...

I awoke from a nervous-breakdown yesterday morning and found this website in the
early afternoon. I maybe barking up the wrong tree with PTSD research, and that must
be the first question that I ask myself. That's probably the answer I most hope to gain
from the forum at this stage. Am I one of youse, or just another pretender blown in on
the wind?

Prior to yesterday, I had no knowledge on this condition, other than occasional news
reports, most recently regarding British veterans of recent international conflicts. I can
offer very little help to other members of the forum - only anecdotal personal experience,
possibly the result of physical injuries, or this nasty little mosquito-borne virus that lasts
around a year and is non-fatal.

Being ill for a few weeks is part of life. When it extends into years, it becomes frustrating.
I am afraid of recovering from this Ross River Virus, only to find other remaining issues
that need to be dealt with. It leads me back to the previous "interesting" times before RRV,
when pain was isolated to the abdomen, chest, right arm and cranium. RRV is not fatal nor
stressful as head injury, but it does seem to like to find new and creative methods to focus
somatic pain. I had no reason to fear or stress over motor vehicles before the first accident.
It came as quite a surprise. I have absolutely no fear of mosquitos whatsoever, except that
typical compulsion to fear all things great and small on the same planet as the car wot hit me,
asteroids and lightning included.

It is not the RRV I fear. It's the injuries.

Having noticed the first symptoms of the virus at around 12:15 on October 11th, 2006, I can
only recall the events of that previous twelve months (27/09/05-10/10/06) for reliable remem-
brances of head injury / PTSD without our parasitic little nuisance variable. I hope in future
posts to mention anything questionable that may possibly be related to a cause outside the
scope of this forum.

My goal is firstly to determine whether I might subconciously suffer from PTSD, and if so,
how I might learn to manage the future, particularly socially. After a single day of reading a
few posts, this forum looks like a fairly good place to find some answers, and it has been a
privilege to obtain membership.

Whether a long-winded explanation of my life-history would be appreciated below has got me
concerned. I feel I owe it to the forum to succinctly describe the causes, (plain motor-vehicle
accidents), and the perceived symptoms. Please read no further if the following rant is self-
absorbed pointlessness. Essentially:

CAUSES:
Accident #1: Tuesday, September 27th, 2005. 21:30pm.
Rode motorcycle into car sans headlights on new moon.
Unconscious 5 days, head, spleen, right arm.
Hospital: 18 days, cranial/abdominal surgery.
Injury #1: Frontal-lobe bleeding. Ongoing cognitive dissonance.

Accident #2: Friday, May 26th, 2006. 20:30pm.
Motorcycle struck by vehicle running through red-light.
Unconscious 3 hours, head, lhs abdomen, ribs, shoulder rhs.
Hospital: 3 hours, no surgery.
Injury #2: Facial laceration, broken rib/s causing heart/breathing pain.

Accident #3: Friday, July 21st, 2006. 20:00pm.
Struck merging vehicle while riding motorcycle.
Remained conscious. LH upper arm bruising only.
Not hospitalised.
Injury #3: Unwarranted fear.

SYMPTOMS:
Frequent headaches.
Frequent "false" heart attacks.
Obsession with dates, places, times, grammar?
Irrational desire to return to accident scene/nation/culture.
Fear of noise, crowd, public.
Regular insomnia.
Sleepwalking x once remembered - Sunday May 28th, 2006.
Dream confusions - not nightmares.
(unable to differentiate between some dreams
and some memories of previous days/weeks.)
Forgetfulness.
Improved memory of some past events.
Amnesia of 3 hrs before first accident.
Pointless aggressive emotion at menial things, usually internalised.
Unexplained dislike of automobile drivers, irrational attitude.
( I drive an old Toyota now...)
Strong need for solitude.
Conflicting need for social interaction.
Chronic confusion.

From my reading so far, it appears that some of these problems maybe something related to
PTSD, and I hope I can learn to overcome these things, and maybe help others at some point
in time.

Thank you for taking the time to read what I hope is a reasonable sort of intro'. Please let me
know if I'm making a mountain out of a molehill here. I don't mean to discredit the forum. Must
get back to the reading again. I haven't worked out how to check for "new posts only" on the
forum yet, so please respond here in the Intro category if you have any questions (or answers!!!).
Then I will be more likely to notice the change. Thank you.

Cheers All,

Sean.
:smoking:

 

[Marlene]

Sean,

Welcome to the forum.

Lisa

 

[Sean]

Thanks.

Thank you Marlene L. Your reply is evidence
to me that I am not dreaming right now.

I wish you the very best of luck for all the days
forthcoming. Thank you, and others for your kind
welcome to me. I shall remember.

 

[Sean]

Moderation.

This "moderated member" thing is an annoyance.

Please sort this out by the morrow or expect to find
better members. I understand the problems that you
must face, but so do we all. If you continue to classify
me as a near-to undesirable beyond the point of normalcy,
then I have no choice left but to depart.

I did not register because of too many friends.

Sorry, but fix it, and respect me like I try to for you.

 

[Sean]

Sorry,

Sorry Anthony.


Anger misplaced. I hope my efforts to come
clean and be honest might overcome this.

I allowed my hunger to effect my attitude.

My apologies, and not forgotten.

New member Sean, with bad attitude.

 

[Claire]

Hello Sean, welcome to the forum. You'll find plenty of good stuff to read here. I look forward to seeing you around.

Claire

 

[Sean]

Thank you for welcome.

Thank you Claire. I will take your advice on the
reading material. Methinks I ought to begin with
reading the anger management information thread.
It's a scary thought, that term.

I didn't expect to see my previous two posts
published, and am even more surprised that someone
has the kindness to reply to such antics. I can
accept now why it makes sense to moderate new
members. I'm a good example of that need. I will try
to not let other things cause such silly grievances on
the forum from now on. Second time Mr Hyde has
come out in two days. Not good behaviour.

Sean.
:crazy:

 

[becvan]

Hi Sean, welcome to the forum.

I'm the one that passed those posts, as I felt they would be useful to you, to see how your anger and self-thoughts got the best of you and how you came back to it and realized it was off. I felt it was a great example. :) *don't worry, I do the same thing with all different sorts of things myself*

Yes anger management can be daunting at first but it is a great place to start!

bec

 

[Sean]

My cup runnethed over...

Today I can appreciate your choice Bec. Thank's for keeping to adult, while I was regressing into adolescence,
perhaps. The effort to recount the events yesterday
was rather a strain, but it really is no excuse. I'm just
impatient. I felt like I'd built a lovely sandcastle only to
have the tide come in and wash it away, but this was
just imagination in any case.

The diagrams with the cups of stress make good sense in the anger management thread. Looking at the green part of the cup, one can draw excuses. That's not the point.
The point is to remove the green section from the cup, and keep one's cool, so I gather.

Soon I hope to be able to discuss some of these things in
the correct threads for the forum. It's beyond the intro'
stage. This was possibly the catalyst last night that got
me in a tiz. What I probably ought to have asked was,
is it acceptible to post replies to other threads or begin a new topic while still on probation? That was essentially
my problem to begin with.

I must read carefully first, because while the subject is
not disturbing to me, it maybe to others. I look at the
green part of the cup, and wonder whether my need
to return to the places, to relive the past, is having a
positive or negative influence. Am I removing the green
in such endeavours, or just continuing to top it up? Am
I conquering my demons, or bringing them back to life?

I hope to look for a thread somewhere on the forum
where this might be already discussed. It is not an
introduction sort of thing, and I haven't read every
thread yet.

Thanks again for your wisdom. I'm glad I had the guts
to log on again this morning. Last night was not the
stupidest thing I've ever done, but it gets a rating...

Sean.
:doh: