Sufferer Hello... childhood neglect, abandonment, bullying.

[Timepassingby]

Middle aged male who has suffered from depression entire life. Happily married with grown children.

Came from a mom/pop who were happily married to each other but both came from dysfunctional families. But neither knew how to parent, so I basically raised myself.

Long story short, got the hell bullied out of me from about 5th grade through high school. Parents did nothing to help me (but I'm not sure they would have known what to do) because both caught up in their own issues. There was alcoholism that I realized in my adulthood.

I separated myself from that family in my adulthood and seemed to have everything "in control"...meaning that I kept that life in the back of my head and did not allow it to enter my life with my own family. Not easy. But then my dad got sick and I ended up with him as his caretaker...though not in my home...but down the street. To me that was one of the main triggers that threw me into a spin of no sleep, flashbacks, etc.

I am in therapy, both talk and medicine...though I do feel it's helping, I'm struggling with what I now know to be triggers. I am hypersensitive to criticism, hypervilligant, and jump between flight, freeze and fawn.

I am a senior administrator, which has its own share of stressors, and I'm realizing that I am putting myself in situations where triggers set me off. But I'm good at what I do, I know that.

I'm also really embarrassed that I've got myself in these situations knowing that there are so many distinguished veterans who really did experience horrific situations and are suffering...and my issue stems from childhood neglect/abandonment/bullying and I'm here whining.

Off of my soapbox. Thanks for listening.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

Glad you decided to become a part of the community and share your experience. Many are here who managed to shelve things for much of their lives, but it always finds its way back out into our lives in some form or fashion. No need to ever diminish your suffering by comparison. Each struggle is very real, regardless of the cause. May your chosen methods of treatment bring you much more understanding of self and ongoing relief as you grow along. Welcome.

 

[ladee]

Welcome, and one of the many beautiful things about this community you just joined... we don't compare trauma here..... if it got us here, It's real and it matters... and we still get to heal... PTSD is not just for Vets... if you read around the forum and the many threads here, you will see that there are myriad of reasons we are here....and you joined a club none of us want to belong to..

But we are here for each other in a way that will help you to understand... that no one will understand you like we do... regardless of our experiences.... the feelings are the same...

How wonderful that you kept things at bay and are a professional and managed a family and career.... that says a lot about your character... and you will get thru the healing too... we are here for you... you are not alone.... and you are not whining, you are sharing.... so take that 'whining' word and throw it out the window.... and if you do whine... we will still care and support that part too....

Very glad you found us, hate it that you ended up here, because it is pain that brought you here.... but you will soon find this to be a very healing and supportive community..... takes courage to step out here and let us know why you are here... and we recognize and honor that....

WE even have FUN threads.... who knew, right !!! They will be under the heading.... Social.... this is a huge place... with many people.... and now you are part of us.... glad you are here..

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Hi @Timepassingby I'm jut going to echo @ladee .

Everything she said is very true. I'm not a vet and haven't experienced what so many people here have. If I try to compare, well I'd keep my head in a rabbit hole.

But I do have my own story and its led me down a path that I wish I could wake up from. I'm learning a lot, but it takes courage, strength and being humble enough to admit you need support.

So far you're 3 for 3. As has been said, it's unfortunate that you're here, but better for the rest of us to have the opportunity to welcome a new member and help to support you in whatever way we can.

Climb aboard.

 

[Efus Pitch]

Hey Man.

Even if you were a vet, you still could still sit there and play the "who had it worse" game. Fallujah VS Second Gulf War. Kandahar VS Mosul, You get the idea. Every combat situation is different, subjective in its own right.

It's great your not disappearing down into the "Woe is Me" swamp that can swallow a person (I'll been guilty of wallowing there myself a few times), but try to not swing too hard in the other direction too. Cut yourself some slack mate. You found a problem dogging you and started correcting it almost as soon as you realized what really happened. That takes guts.

 

[Timepassingby]

Appreciate the welcomes and the support.

I'm a very structured person and wish there were a defined way to address a solution. Sometimes I think my sessions do me some good, but more than anything it's a lot of talking.

Maybe I'm looking for the wrong thing in therapy. Like I said, searching.

And honestly, being brutally honest with me is probably the best way to approach me. Almost like a reality check.

Appreciate the welcomes and the support.

I'm a very structured person and wish there were a d...

I also wish there were a way to truly know if the Therapy was helping as well as the Cymbalta.

 

[ladee]

This might be a good question to ask your T... because sometimes, by helping, it doesn't always mean we feel better, sometimes it means we are finally looking at the hard truths of our lives and feeling things we shut down a long time ago...

What does 'helping' look like to you.... what would show you it was helping... to each of us it is different...
But you are at least going thru the motions... some of us do that for awhile until we get caught up with where we are in life, if that makes any sense.....

Glad you are still here... looking for answers....

 

[Deadman]

I'm a very structured person and wish there were a defined way to address a solution.

I'm afraid we are a long way anything like that for PTSD. Sometimes you just have to embrace the chaos and grab the bits that work for you as they fly by.