Sufferer Hello Everyone

[Rsweaver]

Hello. My name is Robert. I am 19 years old and suffer daily from ptsd. My father committed suicide when I was 3 and then my mother moved on to meet reason for my trauma. Nearly everyday for 7 years this man hit or sexual abused me. Now, I have constant nightmares of some of the terrible things he did and it's ruining me. Each nightmare pushes me farther into recluse.

My day to day consists of evaluating life and questioning if I can make it into my 30s. Everyday is a fight to keep going. To try to hold a job and not breakdown in front of my boss and co-workers. I've never felt so helpless and alone. Whenever I get into a high pressure situation, I start to panic and feel trapped. I have goals, but I see them as futile and worthless. The same goes for life itself. Also, I caught myself excessively lying and manipulating the relationships I was in, which pushed away some very important people to me. In my eyes I'm trapped with no where to go and no one to turn to. Forced to work a job I don't want in a place I don't want to be.

When I was younger it was easier. I was seeing a therapist a few years ago, but I never took it seriously. Now I desperately want help, but I don't know where to start. I'm not sure how much it costs to see someone that could help me, but I assume that a minimum wage job won't cut it. Now, I'm reaching out to strangers because the family I talk to need help themselves and refuse it, so I push them away from me, which makes me feel like a coward.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I greatly appreciate your generosity towards a random kid feeling down.

Robert.

 

[Em C.]

Hi Robert!

My name is Em and I am 19 too so I really do get what you are going through. And it sucks no doubt about that. I'm in the same situation at work too: appearing to have everything together when your mind is doing a million things at once. The amount that therapy costs really depends on where you live. I'm in Canada and it usually ranges from like 80-200 per session depending on what kind of person you see (social worker, psychologist, psychologist with a Phd).

I'm going through a lot of the same things so feel free to message me if you want to talk! And good luck! I also know of free apps and programmes that may help!

*hugs!*

 

[Hashi]

Welcome, Robert.

I'm sorry for what brings you here though. I'm really sorry to read what you've said about your history.

If you feel like asking about therapy options, and don't mind saying the general area pr country you're in, then people here may be able to make suggestions. I'm in the UK and have had help from a charity where it was pay what you can afford, even if that was nothing. There's a subforum for Therapy. But obviously, take your time, read around the forums and post as and when you want to.

I hope you'll find support and help here.

 

[jmni]

Hi, Robert. You have already made a step in the right direction just by joining this forum, so you are not as helpless as you think. There are many people who will be able to help in anyway that they can and a lot of information and discussion to help you through this difficulty. Personally self help books in conjunction with therapy works well for me.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Robert,

Welcome to the forum!

There is a lot of information here you may find helpful and it is a great idea to check out what type of therapy may be available. There is also a related site: MySexAbuse.com you may find beneficial.

Debbie

 

[Rsweaver]

Thanks, you guys. I've looked at a few other posts, and it's already reassuring to see so many people helping one another through very hard times in their lives. I really hope that this helps me find some help.