Sufferer Hello I Need Support

[ghotiff]

As a child I liked drawing, painting, listening to music, crafts, etc. Now, when I try to do them I get very frustrated and I start remembering the insults and the put downs. How did you overcome the criticism?

I am still working on this but this is some of the things that I do...

First realise and accept that it is my mothers voice/criticism, not my own. And, very importantly to me, when someone else like my husband criticizes I need to stay objective and realise that he made a "comment" and did not mean it as a criticism.

Then over time I started to understand that if I did enough self soothing early on (eg after doing something anxiety producing) then I could recover relatively quickly. If instead I denied it pushed through, I would end up in the fetal position not coping, and if I denied it and pushed through that, I would end up with suicidal thoughts which scare me.

Learning how useful and productive taking a self soothe activity was, really helped me be more comfortable using them.

I also used an external reason of my family in the sense that I am a much more available mother when I self soothe regularly and I want to be available as possible to my children. I also want to model healthy self care to my children.

Hope that helps.

 

[AngelKeeperJ]

I go to yoga and I am starting weight training class next week. That helps me relax and sleep better.

First let me congratulate you on going to yoga!!! My therapist has tried for SO many years to get me to go, but so far, I haven't been able to make myself. I have learned some breathing techniques that help slow my thoughts down, and I know that is part of what yoga does. PLEASE keep that tool! Taking the weight training is also a VERY good coping tool! It's physical, and physical activity is one of the BEST for coping! It keeps your mind busy counting, etc. You have made TWO HUGE STEPS at dealing with your childhood!

I also think it is PHENOMENAL that you have distanced yourself from your family while on your healing journey. Families, especially ones with Narcissism, will fight YOU getting well, because it might point to THEM failing in some way. Bravo to your insight!

You are SO in the right place! Here, we all have different variations of trauma, childhood, up to and including adult trauma. Mental and emotional pain have no 'score points'. Suffering is suffering. Period. This Forum is the best I have been a part of. Many people are willing to jump in and encourage you, whether they have similar trauma or not. There is no judgement, but MUCH compassion and empathy. It IS important to get things out in 'black and white'. It can be very cleansing just to tell your story. You are already doing well on your journey of healing!!!

Blessings sent your way!
AKJ

 

[Deleted member 28942]

Thank you for the kind words @AngelkeeperJ/AKJ. I am already falling in love with the forum and the chat. A lot of validation and similar experiences. I feel less alone.

I wish you joy and happiness,
UniversalBeing

 

[Powder]

Then over time I started to understand that if I did enough self soothing early on (eg after doing something anxiety producing) then I could recover relatively quickly. If instead I denied it pushed through, I would end up in the fetal position not coping, and if I denied it and pushed through that, I would end up with suicidal thoughts which scare me.

Yes, it was trying to push through daily activities and not admitting that my anxiety levels were getting dramatic that led to severe PTSD symptoms. Now, I am trying to notice when anxiety levels get higher and do something to soothe levels back down. Unfortunately, this is hard at work. If I stay at work, often the levels just go up and up.

For grad school, it's probably similar. In therapy, learning "positive resources" that work for you could really help. Scents, tactile soothing, with smooth stones, or beanie babies, to roll in the hands, sipping a cool drink, etc. were taught to me.

Sometimes, though, simple things like taking a walk, a candle, a cup of tea, petting an animal, or just looking out a window at a tree or water, will soothe me a lot and just take time. The most soothing is being with my husband. He is the best therapy. If I spent all day with him, I would not notice I had PTSD.

Taking time out for breaks and exercise, like you are doing, will help, but especially if you can go when you need to, as a break from sitting and working that leads to mental stress.

I'm reading that there is some Trauma Sensitive Yoga that has modifications that I'd appreciate, which are the the instructor doesn't come up behind you and touch you. Instead, they stay in the same place at the front. Also, there is more space, less crowded, and other sensory modifications. Mainly, the thought of a teacher being to directive and sneaking up behind me and all around would be hard for me. Here is the site where I found this resource: http://www.traumacenter.org/clients/yoga_svcs.php

 

[Deleted member 28942]

Thank you @gothiff and @Muse. I talked to my therapists today about self-soothing and she suggested that next week we do safe place from the EMDR protocol. I am looking forward to doing it!

Also, I will look into Trauma Sensitive Yoga but I don't think they have it in my town.

 

[Powder]

@UniversalBeing I don't think Trauma Sensitive Yoga is here either where I live, but it was nice to know that the aspects that seemed to not be "doable" for me personally are linked to all people with all kinds of trauma, and not only me. When I watch videos of classes, I feel fear of the teacher moving around the room. It makes me feel very tense.

In other words, I feel more empowered to meet with a yoga teacher prior to signing up for a class and asking for accommodations, knowing that what I'm asking for is documented as beneficial for those with PTSD. I could even see if she would like to be referred to the book or the site by David Emerson. He's working with the Trauma Center, the national center, which enjoys a solid scientific standing.

Why don't I just trust my gut about stuff? I know myself by now. I got Dx'd back in 1998 for goodness sake! But it's nice to have validation. Apparently, I won't try something new without it.

 

[intothelight]

Welcome and I hope you find this site helpful.