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Sufferer Hello Im New

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sasperella

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Hello, my name is Sarah I am 32 and live in the UK I was diagnosed with PTSD early this week, I ahve thought I have this so its not a shock really. I was sexually abused from the age of about 4 till about 6 and then again at 11 and 12 by separate violators and my dad has emotionally, physically and sexualised me from a very young age.

I got into drink and drugs very early teens, amphetamines, ectacsy, coke - was heavy into into the house music scene. had a string of abusive relationships - have managed to become general manager for a web designers though through all this somehow

I overdosed on amphetamines in 2012 after 5 days no sleep - started having horrific flashbacks - i didnt even realise what I had been through was abuse - that was 4 years ago, have had councilling, have stopped drink and drugs, still get triggered really bad and now I am here. I am a member of an survivor forum too an this has really helped me so I was hoping to get the same support and friendship from a forum specific to PTSD.

Thank you xx
 
Welcome, Sasperella (nice name).
You've been on a very rough journey.
I'm sorry that you find yourself here, but am also glad that you are here.
I'm also a member of a couple of survivor forums, but can agree that having a PTSD forum to call "home", is so so wonderful.
Welcome, and I hope this place gives you one more cushion in life; an extra breeze in your sail towards healing : )
 
Hi Salad,

Thank you for your reply and nice to meet you! I am sorry to here you are on a survivor forum too but they do help massively I dont think I would of got this far without it so I am hoping to find the same here! I can see how I have attracted all my abusive relationships but now I am dating someone new who is lovely but becuase he is lovely i have been shutting down its very strange to be able to see this but its good i can recognise it I suppose. They are sending me for CBT level 3 and EMDR I am on the waiting list for both, have you had anything similar?
 
Nice to meet you Sarah, too.
I've heard wonderful things about EMDR, but haven't had it. CBT is really good for coping, as well, but I'm not familiar with Level 3. I'm sure you'll hear from more forum members in a few hours, and maybe they will share.
So sorry that you went through abusive relationships :( I've been in them too. It hurts horribly. But one of the perks about all of this healing business - I've come to see - is that quality of romantic relationships improves along with the healing :) Your shutting down with this new person in your life is normal. You had so much pain before! I think the body's processes need to be honored and acknowledged, like you are doing... before it can transform into something else
 
Thank you Salad, im sorry for you too its not nice at all and just adds to the tramua we have already been through, I know so much about narsacists now though that i am pretty confident I would run a mile if i encountered another one! Thats good to here that it improves along with the healing its just so strange that I shut down, I know I have done this before with nice bfs - its like i get paralysed and have to run away from them, i just switch off and have to get out its weird! I am learning to sit with the triggers and feelings untill they pass but its so frigging hard - the guy im dating knows I have PTSD and he is very good he lets me be in charge so to speak like i see him when I want to and he doesnt mither me when I need a few days alone which is important to me as the whole smothered feeling makes me wanna run for the hills - this is all so new to me its feels like a mind field - I know i have come so far but then something else will happen and i feel like the rug gets pulled from under my feet and im back at square one
 
Welcome to the forum. I hope you find the information here helps you even further along on your road to recovery. :):hug:
 
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