Sufferer Hello....is There Anybody Out There? Just Smile If You Can Hear Me

[Paul Merrifield]

So, I was sexually abused as a child, repeatedly, by an older cousin. I carried this alone for 20 years.

2 months before I got married, I told my wife and my best man. I kinda exploded it all over the place being beligerently drunk and angry at the time. Not my best moment.

For the last two years I been trying to reach out to different people and very possibly in inappropriate ways. As with most of my life I find myself once again drowning in a sea of despair and loneliness.

Once upon a time when I began to feel like this I would hit a bar, go out with friends, start a fight do something exciting and fun, well I left my home town 8 years ago, my bluntness causes me to be unapproachable, so I haven't made any friends.

My best man and my now wife didn't know how to respond to that how could they? My best man lives across country now, and while my wife is a wonderful woman, she doesn't get in to deep intellectual conversation and thinking.

The only thing that can take your mind of of the shit that has happened. So I find myself in my off hours sitting in a box, watching the cats, drinking, smoking bud, and contemplating the universe in between torturing myself with my past.

<Edited for basic grammar>

 

[wife of]

Well you have fished up in the right place then...plenty of tortured souls here who can show you the paths to some semblence of "normality",choosing to take those paths though is your choice.

Here you will find sympathy,empathy and at times tough love.

Are you exploring the fact that you think you may have ptsd or do you have a diagnosis?

Hoping you find some peace of mind here and the reassurance that you are having normal reactions to extraordinary events.

 

[wdkywomys]

Hello there. I also carried mine alone for years. It can be so hard dealing with it alone. I hope that you can find your way through it.

 

[Beverly G.]

A therapist is a wonderful thing and it feels good to know you are not a freak just someone who has been badly injured. It was eventually going to come out so don't bad about the way it did.
hugs and prayers, Beverly

 

[Zef]

Love 'The Wall' reference in your subject line. I get to go to Roger Waters The Wall concert in about a month. Life would be so much poorer without that album.

Welcome to the forum,
Pretty sure you can find some relief and support here. Wouldn't hurt to look for trauma therapists in your area, if you haven't already. Having a professional assist can make a big difference over time.