Healing Reins
Gold Member
Hi!
First of all, I'm really bad at introductions. I'm that kid in class that says "I don't have an interesting fact" When we go around and share an interesting fact about ourselves...so with that said.. I'm Taia... It's pronounced like Tae-ah (Don't make it harder than it needs to be :) ) I have a middle name but I never use it..for anything, and I'm not giving out my last name :) I love everything classy and southern, and I'm obsessed with everything Lilly Pulitzer.. If you don't know who she is, take a moment to look her up and see of her loveliness that she has created! I'm also obsessed with Monograms, sweet-tea, and Jesus! I also have competed at pre-national level for swimming...and then I quit big mistake, but that's for another time!
So now for the real stuff- why I'm here. Well, a year ago...almost an exact year ago my ex forced himself on me.. I've come a long way since then I finally don't feel like it is my fault anymore, and I've come to terms with the fact that it's happened and I can not change the past..."lets just hope I don't repeat the past"...(The Great Gatsby- love that movie so much!) I've also come to terms with it isn't my fault..but I still seem to struggle with nightmares and flashbacks. However, I've made some significant progress with the flashbacks...before I wouldn't be able to pull myself out of one, now I can pull myself out of one, maybe not right after I go in, but I'm working on doing that quicker... As for the nightmares, I don't really know what will stop them, I'm currently in therapy and my therapist doesn't know I have nightmares...partly because I feel embarrassed, and partly because every time I don't do an EMDR session with her I forget to tell her because we end up talking about college! (I'm a senior in High school...) So all of this is really stressful for me. (I would say rape...but I hate that word..and hate what it makes me feel..)
I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was six, after I witnessed a traumatic event happen...I really don't want to go into it, so I wont. But know that it was traumatic. At least once a year I ask if my PTSD has gone away, and it hasn't....My T now says I have PTSD from my ex forcing himself on me...she may very well be correct. but part of me is hoping she's wrong.
I'm also here because just recently- like last month-, I had a friend shoot himself in the head during a class. I wasn't in the class, but I was at school when it happened, the whole school was on lockdown for like 3 hours. It was one of the most terrifying experiences I've ever been in. I thank God everyday when a kid doesn't shoot him or herself during school....i know it sounds stupid but it really does effect everyone involved.
Some of you are probably wondering if we were actually friends or just what everyone calls someone who is dead like "Oh he was a great friend of mine..." And they had no clue who he was..
He and I were close. Close enough that he knew all my secrets, and close enough that I knew most of his secrets...I'm sure that there were some that he wasn't wiling to share...but I guess that's life..we all have our secrets..right?
So that pretty much sums up why I'm here..
Oh! I forgot to explain what I want to get out of being here..
I hope to find ways that I can deal with my flashbacks better, and cope with nightmares better...I also want to find a way where I can stop thinking about Zack and start thinking about more productive things! I don't know if this website is going to help or not, but it's worth a try!
I've already started talking to some of you out there, and for the most part it's been helpful and a positive experience, so to those I've talked with - Thank you! And to those I haven't talked to- I hope all is going well for you! And best wishes on your recovery and well being! :))
Best of luck to all of you!
xoxo
Gossip Girl
Just kidding..I just really wanted to see what it felt like to write xoxo gossip girl.
But for real,
xoxo
-T
First of all, I'm really bad at introductions. I'm that kid in class that says "I don't have an interesting fact" When we go around and share an interesting fact about ourselves...so with that said.. I'm Taia... It's pronounced like Tae-ah (Don't make it harder than it needs to be :) ) I have a middle name but I never use it..for anything, and I'm not giving out my last name :) I love everything classy and southern, and I'm obsessed with everything Lilly Pulitzer.. If you don't know who she is, take a moment to look her up and see of her loveliness that she has created! I'm also obsessed with Monograms, sweet-tea, and Jesus! I also have competed at pre-national level for swimming...and then I quit big mistake, but that's for another time!
So now for the real stuff- why I'm here. Well, a year ago...almost an exact year ago my ex forced himself on me.. I've come a long way since then I finally don't feel like it is my fault anymore, and I've come to terms with the fact that it's happened and I can not change the past..."lets just hope I don't repeat the past"...(The Great Gatsby- love that movie so much!) I've also come to terms with it isn't my fault..but I still seem to struggle with nightmares and flashbacks. However, I've made some significant progress with the flashbacks...before I wouldn't be able to pull myself out of one, now I can pull myself out of one, maybe not right after I go in, but I'm working on doing that quicker... As for the nightmares, I don't really know what will stop them, I'm currently in therapy and my therapist doesn't know I have nightmares...partly because I feel embarrassed, and partly because every time I don't do an EMDR session with her I forget to tell her because we end up talking about college! (I'm a senior in High school...) So all of this is really stressful for me. (I would say rape...but I hate that word..and hate what it makes me feel..)
I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was six, after I witnessed a traumatic event happen...I really don't want to go into it, so I wont. But know that it was traumatic. At least once a year I ask if my PTSD has gone away, and it hasn't....My T now says I have PTSD from my ex forcing himself on me...she may very well be correct. but part of me is hoping she's wrong.
I'm also here because just recently- like last month-, I had a friend shoot himself in the head during a class. I wasn't in the class, but I was at school when it happened, the whole school was on lockdown for like 3 hours. It was one of the most terrifying experiences I've ever been in. I thank God everyday when a kid doesn't shoot him or herself during school....i know it sounds stupid but it really does effect everyone involved.
Some of you are probably wondering if we were actually friends or just what everyone calls someone who is dead like "Oh he was a great friend of mine..." And they had no clue who he was..
He and I were close. Close enough that he knew all my secrets, and close enough that I knew most of his secrets...I'm sure that there were some that he wasn't wiling to share...but I guess that's life..we all have our secrets..right?
So that pretty much sums up why I'm here..
Oh! I forgot to explain what I want to get out of being here..
I hope to find ways that I can deal with my flashbacks better, and cope with nightmares better...I also want to find a way where I can stop thinking about Zack and start thinking about more productive things! I don't know if this website is going to help or not, but it's worth a try!
I've already started talking to some of you out there, and for the most part it's been helpful and a positive experience, so to those I've talked with - Thank you! And to those I haven't talked to- I hope all is going well for you! And best wishes on your recovery and well being! :))
Best of luck to all of you!
xoxo
Gossip Girl
Just kidding..I just really wanted to see what it felt like to write xoxo gossip girl.
But for real,
xoxo
-T
