Supporter Hello!

[Bowiejcecc]

Hi
I am a new member. I am the main carer for my daughter who suffers from c-PTSD. She is 15, and was diagnosed 18 months ago. All we seem to do is fight the authorities for support - for treatment, schooling etc - while helping her to recover and try and get her life back on track. She has been out of school for over a year. I am amazed by how many people do not understand PTSD, and especially how many people think it is only adults who can be diagnosed with it. I am on here to learn from others in order to help my daughter, and also seek advice and support through our battles.

 

[EveHarrington]

Welcome!

Sadly, I'd say that 99.9% of people don't understand PTSD outside of those who have it, are specifically trained to treat it, or have a close loved one who have it.

 

[WillyKat]

If there were only more parents like you. I think you're doing quite well already by giving her love and support. There may be a lot of other things you can do, but that alone is absolutely crucial.

You can learn a lot here. There are books available too. Search the forum for book recommendations and for other supporters and their stories.

I agree that very few people understand it. And the media doesn't help. About the only time you hear about PTSD is when something bad happens. One thing I've heard that may get the point across is this: imagine a time when you were frightened. Not just surprised or startled, but afraid for life and limb or for that of another. Now imagine that feeling never really going away, but lying just beneath the surface, just waiting for some little thing to trigger. it. Imagine all the life changes that happen if you have to deal with that much anxiety and fear. You stop doing a lot of things, like going out, in an attempt to avoid the things that trigger you. You learn its difficult to trust others. You learn its embarrassing if you get triggered in front of people. So you isolate and isolate more.

Bless you and welcome to the forum!

 

[hodge]

Welcome! The PTSD Workbook can be a good starting place. You can find it on Amazon. Prayers for you and your daughter.

 

[Gina Kate]

Hi
I am a new member. I am the main carer for my daughter who suffers from c-PTSD. She is 15, and wa...

Hello, I am Gina. I am mother to my 20year old daughter who was diagnosed with Complex PTSD when she was 14. I totally understand and relate to what you have written. My daughter was never able to return to school and we are still fighting to get her consistent, good therapy 6 years later.
I'm guessing you are from the UK, the NHS here are appalling at treating PTSD, services have been cut to the bone and there seems to be virtually no therapy for trauma. Her school was totally unsupportive and despite being predicted A* in her exams, she now has no qualifications. I'm sorry to be so negative, but it has genuinely been a constant battle with school, mental health and the police. My advice to you is to keep complaining. If you have an issue with mental health services, write an official complaint and send it to the chief executive of the trust and your local mp. I know that it is exhausting but keep fighting, loudly to the people in charge of whatever service is not helping. Google the names and telephone number of chief executives and ring them directly, you would be amazed at how services suddenly improve when you contact the person in charge! If you need help and support, there are some charities that may help you, again, Google them. The best and most reliable charity that has helped my daughter is our local Rape Crisis. Ask to be referred for counselling yourself, you need help, support and someone to listen to you.
I truly hope that things get better for you and your daughter. Please stay strong and know that there are people here who care and understand. xxxx

 

[Bowiejcecc]

If there were only more parents like you. I think you're doing quite well already by giving her love a...

Thank you, and thank you for your kind words. Today is a difficult day and I needed that!

 

[Bowiejcecc]

Hello, I am Gina. I am mother to my 20year old daughter who was diagnosed with Complex PTSD when she was 14. I total...

Thank you Gina - I am so sorry to hear about your daughter - it seems such a similar picture. I am so challenging and argumentative to others that I'm sick of myself! We have completed a stage 2 complaint to CAMHS, and are still unsatisfied with their response so we are now supposed to be having a meeting. And as for education......there is a battle with 'the powers that be' nearly every day, which is exhausting, never mind the exhaustion from supporting my daughter on bad days. I am sure the authorities are so awful in order to get you to give up the battle. I haven't though about phoning chief execs etc from health, though I have from education, so thank you for that. I am just glad we have a solicitor now, but it is so expensive, just worth it if we can get her the right provision.
The hardest hit for me is keeping strong for her, as there are times, especially on her really bad days, that I just want to curl up and cry because I can't help her, and because I get the brunt of her anger.
Thank you again xxx

 

[Sparkle]

Hello, sorry, only just read your reply. Don't forget to involve your local mp they are obliged to help and it just adds a little more pressure to whoever you are complaining to. Ask for family therapy, we never got it,but there's no harm in asking. Would your solicitor not work pro bono ? As in, take a share of whatever financial compensation you may receive. When it comes to the anger, when she has calmed down again, write her a letter explaining how the things she says make you feel, that you know she's suffering and that you try to help and that you both need to come up with a plan to identify triggers that spark her anger and ways she can help calm herself down and how she would like you to help. My daughter has a pretty box with a colouring book, nice smelling relaxing essential oils, a happy music setting for her ipod, a sparkly, glitter and coloured oil filled stick ( from Amazon, for autistic children) that she watches to calm her down, photos that make her happy and basically anything that distracts her in a positive way. She uses this whenever she becomes very anxious. Yoga and breathing techniques can also help.My daughter only occasionally gets very angry now it was much worse when she was younger. Remember the lack of control your daughter must feel she has over anything on top of being a teenager. It's really hard, but try not to take anything she says personally. Remember to look after yourself or you won't be able to help her. Again, go to your gp and ask for counselling for yourself. Keep fighting. Gina.xxx

 

[Bowiejcecc]

Hello, sorry, only just read your reply. Don't forget to involve your local mp they are obliged to help...

We can get legal aid (well my daughter can) for one bit, but the other is an SEN tribunal to get her in the right school - no compensation involved. Good idea about the MP.
We have started family therapy - 18 months too late but hey ho! It was the bizarrest thing - no direction, just 2 people in our room and 2 people watching through a window as my husband and I spoke (my daughter refused to engage)! We'll try the 2nd session and see what happens there.
I'm on meds at the moment, and am likely to have to go off work sick, partly because she still won't be in school. I have had counselling but that was mainly after her trauma, for me to try and come to terms with it. That's a really great idea about the calm box - I will chat to her about it. Does your daughter access it herself, or do you guide her to use it? Xx

 

[Sparkle]

My daughter accesses it herself. When she is very ill she needs to be left to deal with it herself to an extent. I stay nearby, but she won't talk or be touched. When that phase improves, it is easier to prompt her to do breathing or distraction. It's so difficult but your daughter needs to accept what is going on with her and attempt to help herself, otherwise her recovery will take even longer.I wonder if she has disclosed all of what happened to Her? My daughter has researched a lot about her illness with her psychologist and that appears to have helped her. I have also read loads about it since her diagnosis. I was a mental health nurse, but gave up work 6 years ago to care for her. Gina. X

 

[Bowiejcecc]

She keeps being thrown curve balls which set her back. The person who caused the trauma pleaded not guilty so we had to go to trial to give evidence. As she was about to give evidence he then pleaded guilty. His sentencing was then postponed after we'd all turned up at court as the CPS hadn't asked CAMHS for a report, and then the day before he was due to be sentenced after the court received the CAMHS report, he committed suicide. So not only has she had to deal with the initial trauma, but then all the fall out afterwards. Plus the local authority are messing about with her school provision. My heart breaks when I think of what she has gone through - I think most adults would struggle never mind a child.
I will explore the calm box with her definitely.
Your daughter sounds very lucky to have you X

 

[Sparkle]

Hello again, have been talking with my daughter. She says that if your daughter is very angry she shouldn't be having EMDR, she needs to be taught lots of coping strategies before she has to cope with more stress. Beth, my daughter, says that EMDR is like opening Pandoras box and that you need to be taught skills to cope with that before EMDR is even started. She also says that it's a natural reaction for your daughter to be so angry and that should be recognised by her therapists, but they should help to deal with the anger she feels. Beth has been taught by the one good psychologist that she saw (who's now left the NHS) that CPTSD is a totally natural reaction to a totally abnormal situation, your daughter should be helped to validate her feelings and reactions, but also helped to cope with them when they become overwhelming. Another one of Beth's therapists told me in the early days that I needed to give Beth as much control of her life and desicion making as possible as she had no control over the abuse, and then felt out of control of her CPTSD. It is important to let her feel that she has some control over some areas of her life. Beth also said that she is happy to talk with/message your daughter if she feels it will help. Gina.x