Hello

[Kati]

I started posting in the PTSD forum and was directed here. Even though I have not tried this on this forum - I have had problems fitting in anywhere in group therapy.... So here goes.
1. I am female.
2. I am a 25 year Army veteran.
3. I have deployed to Bosnia twice, Kosovo once and Iraq three times.
4. I have been shot at in every deployment. I have returned fire in four of them. I have been in rocket/mortar attacks, bounced twice in two IED attacks and have been in a chow hall bombing. Ihave been on patrols and have been part of operations where I did on site interrogations after named operations.
5. I have nightmares because of the combat activity and many of the personal missions I was assigned to do as an interrogator. I have heightened startle reflex. I am afraid of crowds (detainee riots....) I have problems with loud noises, gunfire/fireworks and helicopter. I hate leaving my house.
6.I do not have PTSD from sexual assault.

So in group therapy - the combat PTSD groups are usually male and they look at me like I do not belong. The female groups are usually from assualt of some sort and we really do not relate. I am not saying that what I am going through is better or worse, more severe or less - it is just very different.

Anyway.... hello all!

 

[Anglesachse]

Hi Kati, and welcome to the family.

Yeah I can se you don`t fit in with the Civvie site, With a girls Abuse group and get looked at funny in some Mil groups.

Simply put, welcome to your life with the Beast. I must admit, group therapy sucks in my opinion. You allways feel presured into stuff.

If you can let us know where in the world you are, and who you served with, we will ba able to help you better. No point a Brit squaddie giving telephone numbers to a US Gi who has no use for them kind of thing.

As in, in the US, 92 to 2000 Us Inf, or UK, 95 to 2012 RE or whatever will be fine. The places you have mentioned Bos, Kos and Iraq cover a lot of nationalities thats all.

 

[Jimmy1]

Welcome Kati, we have a few chicks on here. As Angle said, if you can let us know who you served with it will help us out. We have people on here from all over the globe and who have served in conflicts dating back to Vietnam.
You don't have to if you don't want, we will get by.

Cheers

Jimmy

 

[Zipperhead]

You know, I have noticed a few times with people who "don't fit in" that they tend to look for confrontation. If you are not comfortable in the group because you are "the only girl" then you tend to take offence even when none was actually intended. Don't give up on that group session thing. You have just as much right to be there as they do.

 

[Zipperhead]

Computers doing funny things today. Just editting a double post here. Welcome Kati

 

[Squaddiedave]

Welcome Kati

 

[Kati]

hmm.... in both groups the confrontation was on the other side. Each time I tried to stay and work it out - but I do not go to therapy to be attacked and belittled. It was actually kind of funny in a wierd way. In the group with the guys - they assumed I was there because of some kind of sexual assault in a combat zone because I HAD to have stayed on the FOB - therefore, I would not understand what they are going through. For the female group, because I had not been sexually assaulted, I did not belong in the group. Again because I would not understand what they were going through. I realize that I belonged there as much as they did but I hate the "my PTSD is worse than yours" game. And once people start playing it - nothing helps anyone.

 

[Kati]

Okay....I was in Bosnia from Jan 1997 to Jan 1998 (1st Armor Div) and then from July 1998 to July 1999 (1st CAV). Both times I was a lone deployer out of DLIFLC who was attached to the units there as a Serbian/Russian linquist. In Bosnia, I was at Camp Dobol both times and often commuted to Demi. I was again a lone deployer in Kosovo (1st ID) out of Ft Huachua as an interrogator from June 2002 - Jan 2003. I was at Bondsteel. I moved to Ft Lewis and deployed to Mosul (Diamondback/Marez) with 1-25 Infantry from Sep 2004 - Sep 2005. I deployed as part of the surge to Taji/Warhorse with 4-2 ID from April 2007 - Jun 2008 and then again to Mosul (Diamondback) with the 201st BfSB from sep 2009 - Sep 2010. I am currently in Lacey WA on terminal leave.

 

[Squaddiedave]

Some career there Kati! I'm the same with group therapy, just not my thing. I'm at that early stage where even one on one is hard to say the least.

Can understand where your comingn from with the hostility, experienced the same a couple of weeks back. I spent the last tour running an HLS, had a couple of bad ones if you know what I mean. My hierchy, and members of a group therapy sessions attitude were, " you was in a MOB, good food, showers toilets etc etc, you've got no reason to be ill"

They are right this time, first tour I've not put rounds down or taken incoming (Directly IDF'd more than once, even my birthday, bast*rds! Lol). However they weren't there doing the job me and my guys were doing PEDRO,TRICKY and DUST OFF were regulars to our place.

After talking to guys here, I've realised that even though PTSD or "the beast" as it's known here is the same, it's also so different for everyone, which means treatment,reactions ( I've started glass engraving and writing poetry,,,really!? Even my wife laughed lol) triggers alsorts are different for us all.

Stay strong hang in, and use this place to vent, it's a good safe place to rant, vent and as I do ramble lol.

SD

Theyvate

 

[Kati]

Thank you.... Part of it is that with the guys trying to explain that I have never been a Fobbit in my life and some of the things that I have seen and done .... well they suck. That is the easiest way to explain it. Believe it or not - they were easier to deal with. But the women - one would do little snide and snarky comments and it got to the point that I was ready to literally tear her and the group administrator apart. Her because of the comments. The administrator because she let this lady attack not just me but many of the women there. I was not the only one who left.
I appreciate the words.

 

[Squaddiedave]

Can believe the frustration and anger there, ultimately it just breads mistrust in the treatment processes, and others you have to deal with.
Never done the FOB,MOB thing before, past 2 tours have been PSD for various people, based out and about. Loved the HLS job, just hated where it was, give me a PB any day.
Well done for NOT ripping her apart! And the fact others walked out proves a point

 

[marc and honey]

welcome kati, I am from a field artillary batallion and know woman on the battlefield work hard. this is a site with meny veterans from several countrys, races, and genders. from your intro, I can see you have been through alot. So hang in there, read a bit. If and when you feel comfortable. maybe share info on what has helped you cope. once again welcome to the group