Help! Advice

[edgar]

I am a sufferer of ptsd.

A girl at work started talking to me, I told her I had ptsd. She told me she liked me and we exchanged numbers. We started talking and you know how it is, took for ever for me to open up to her but she seemed so persistent. That attracted me to her so I started to open up to her.

6 months in now I see her Facebook and turns out she had a boyfriend the whole time or something. I don't know if she was trying to get with me but was too scared our relationship wouldn't end up working (so she wanted to play safe?).

She seems so sweet, I don't think she could be the type to want two men at once but I don't know. So I seen her Facebook and felt betrayed. I sent her a text about a week ago saying we can't talk anymore because I know she has a boyfriend. She says her Facebook is old (which is a lie), and that she was always there for me.

Basically it's been a hard week for me, even harder having to work with her and her acting like everything is okay. I know it's the smart move to make but just right now her boyfriend called me, He wanted to know why I was stealing his girl basically, I told him what was going on how this has been going on for the past 6 months and that she came on to me not the other way around and that I have letters to prove it. He basically said you know what I don't care about her anymore you can have her. I feel like shit because now shes fcked both ways I assume.

Should I have just denied it, am I a bad person? Any input on this situation is appreciated.

 

[PineappleCigar]

Hey Buddy...

You probably can't see it because of your PTSD state, but this is a pretty unremarkable thing for young people. You have nothing to feel bad about, that's for sure. You broke it off when you saw she had a boyfriend. A lot of guys wouldn't let that stop them, believe me.

I don't see her as being "f-cked both ways"... this might be your opportunity to really engage someone who is interested in you, and someone to whom you can open up to boot. Things have started out rocky, but you know what... that's pretty unremarkable too.

If you are still interested, and if you think you can overlook the now-former boyfriend thing, you could give her a shot. Just start out as friends and make sure you can function non-romantically. That would be my advice to you.

P.S. - Her being sweet is a good thing... but proceed with caution, because people are not always what they seem.

 

[Delta62]

My best advice as a guy to you is to break off contact with her because there can be a dependency created on another person. Your not responsible for her recovery, she is. That's why therapy exists and she needs to utilize it. Although PTSD causes depressive and anxiety symptoms, it's not worth the trouble that can become of or comes with in getting involved with a person that's in a committed relationship. And if the guy did break it off with her, you can become the rebound.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

If she's f-ed both ways, she did it to herself. You handled yourself well. Move on. If she was trying to pick up a guy while she had a boyfriend, she'll do the same to you. You're not a bad person. She is the one in the wrong.

 

[Loveneverfails]

It seems to me like the advice that would apply here would be the same with or without PTSD. She lied to you twice. First about not having a boyfriend(maybe not a lie, an omission really but one she absolutely should have shared), then when confronted with the truth instead of opening up and admitting to it and giving a reason, she chose yet again to lie. Sweet people don't lie to the people they care about over such vital information. That is not the behavior of someone you can trust and depend on.

Not to say she is a horrible person, few people are that simple. Far more likely she's neither as sweet or as horrible as the situation makes it seem. But either way, she sounds like she doesn't have her act together enough to be a trustworthy and successful partner. At this stage given the current facts, maybe it might be more prudent to slow down on the romantic aspect and get to know what she's like as a person. If this is an isolated incident you will undoubtedly know it soon enough. Proceed with caution for the sake of your own wellbeing. Good luck, whatever you choose I hope it works out to your benefit.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Your not responsible for her recovery, she is.

*confused* What is she recovering from? Cheaters syndrome? Lol. The original poster is a sufferer not the supporter.

 

[edgar]

Thank You all for the feedback, I don't like that I'm thinking about this situation so much.

 

[pie]

It seems to me like the advice that would apply here would be the same with or without PTSD....

I agree with your statement, ptsd has nothing to do with it. You are going through something that many others w/o ptsd go through and in my opinion you have a natural reaction. It is a difficult time to feel betrayed and such but im sure you will do whats best for you. So good luck.

 

[nursenurse]

Wow, Edgar, drop her like a hot potato, she is bad news and worse. PTSD or not, the woman is already a player. And a liar, and many other things you don't know about probably. Faithful and loyal are two words that do not come to mind. Why take a chance on that? You deserve better. And yes, please let the door slam her in the butt on the way out!!!!

 

[rightkindofme]

Well of course you are thinking about it. It happened to you and you need to think you are important. You have to think about it. I know we live in a culture where people want to "just get over" things instantly but that isn't how brains work. You need to process.

If you are still thinking about her obsessively in a year that will be a problem. If you think about it for a month so you can figure out how you want to behave differently next time then you are doing healthy processing. Seriously. You have to think about the situation and decide what you would change next time. You can't fix this one. She sounds like she can't be honest so you need to keep walking. But that's not a huge negative statement about you.

 

[nursenurse]

We all want love, but not at all cost. And the benefit of the doubt is the one gift we always want to give when it comes to love. And most of us have been played by someone. It's called "The School of Hard Knocks" and it isn't a bad place, unless you never learn, and some of us never do :) Edgar, you seem like sweet and genuine guy, who just happens to have PTSD. I hope that someone special who can see within you will come along. You are worthy of nothing less.

 

[quaintpapercut]

Agree with the others. A broken heart takes time to mend. Your going to think about it, talk about it...write lots of bad poetry and listen to sad music. Give yourself the time you need to grieve the relationship . It's really tough to learn that someone you cared about wasn't being truthful to you.