Help forbidden love

[mental in love]

Hi I have several mental disorders. PTSD borderline BPD depression anxiety I live in a group home. For 5 years I've lived here. I fell in love with her and she does not know it I've always been kind to her and she's been very kind to me but I think she has it. My feelings are so strong and my mental illness is so bad I feel suicidal. I decided to do this and she doesn't even know I love her by giving her the silent treatment I started it today she was tender and kind to me I completely ignored her and she asked me what was wrong and I walked away. And I'm going to continue to do it to save face and my feelings and get rid of them for her. I believe it's only fair to her too what if she doesn't love me like that she's my group home worker she's only 23 on 40 something years old. My feelings won't go away so I'm going to go into the mental institution. And when I get out I'm not going to speak to her look in her I ever again I just want these feelings to go away it's not fair to her and I'm too old for her I need answers and help please please and thank you very much

 

[Movingforward10]

If she works there she can't have a relationship with you.

But, maybe there are other ways to manage your feelings rather than ignoring her? (Does ignoring someone make us change our feelings for them?).

Can you talk it through with someone else who works there? Ask for someone else to work with you rather than her?
.I'm sure you won't be the first person to have feelings for a staff member and won't be the last. And they will be able to help and work through it with you.

 

[Midnightmoon]

I'm sorry that sounds really painful. Is she a member of staff? I have been in this situation from the other side of the coin and it might help to know that honestly, it's a really normal experience, nothing to feel shame about or to punish yourself for.

I have worked in a few group homes, and have had this situation a few times (including one guy proposing to me) I was still a teenager, he was 5 decades older. We worked through it, my manager helped, it was ok. His love and affection for me was an expression of care. I understood, I didn't blame him or feel upset/ frustrated/ embarrassed. I was really pleased he'd been able to tell me, because it meant we could do something about it that was healthy. I still worked with him, it was absolutely fine, we had a good working relationship and that didn't change as a result of working through those feelings. Try and talk about it to another member of staff there rather than hold onto all this guilt that it's wrong. Feelings aren't wrong, they just *are* but being able to handle them appropriately will really help

Edited to add- if she's a fellow resident then it's even more typical for this sort of thing to be happening. Where I worked we had seperate houses for men and women but that didn't mean that somehow all feelings for each other ceased to exist. Talk to a member of staff, you don't need to go to ' a mental institution', you just need some help to untangle the shame about this and find some ways to manage it.