Relationship Help..... I Dont Know What To Do

[99Phoenix99]

@christine12, I'm glad I could help. And I can understand your confusion of what to do. Most of the time I'm confused at what I can do for myself. Unfortunately I can't give you an end all be all answer of what you can do.

Going at it day by day is likely the best advice I can give you. If you think about it all at once it can be consuming and overwhelming. There's no way to "fix" this however you can help manage it. And believe me.... helping relieve the symptoms is nothing to sneeze at. It may not seem like much to you but for a sufferer? Hell even if you just get them to laugh that can turn their day around. Just be there. Honestly. That's all I've ever wanted from someone. For them to just be there. I don't need them to say anything or do anything for me. Just knowing that they'll stick around is a balming effect.

And it will take time. I wish I could say he could see your sincerity from the get go but I can't. I know with me I get paranoid when someone is first interested in me in a romantic light. I need someone who sticks around before I really open up to them. And I don't want to discourage you. I really don't, but you should know that sometimes it's better to do than to say. It's all well and good to say you'll stick around, but it's another thing whether or not you actually do. And if I was in his position that would probably be running through my head. Wondering just how long it'll take before you change your mind. I'm not trying to throw a wrench at you, question your sincerity, or challenge you but I'm just trying to give you the POV of a paranoid person with PTSD.

I mostly agree with what Over9000 said a few messages ago you really need to talk to him and get a clear answer to where this relationship is going before anything further happens. Because you're a really good person. Don't neglect yourself or forget what's important to you.

Again I really am pulling for you. Best advice is to get all the information you can and as hard as it may seem... DON'T over think it. He may have PTSD but that's not his entirety. It may seem very daunting right now, but the more you learn and the longer you stick around it'll seem less and less imposing.

Enjoy your relationship. Laugh together. Don't get too entrenched into this PTSD thing. PTSD isn't what attracted you to one another. Stick to what attracted you guys to one another in the first place.

@ Celia, I'm not a person who's very comfortable giving or recieving hugs but I'd like to let you know that if I could I would give you a hug.

He treated you terribly. PTSD or not there's no excuse for that. Absolutely NONE. You've already said it all yourself so I won't add anything more just that I'm sending some good vibes your way hoping they'll help :D

 

[The Hermit King]

I don't need them to say anything or do anything for me. Just knowing that they'll stick around is a balming effect.

That is so damn true for me too.

 

[christine12]

@ 99phoneix99 wow the words you expressed and advice you laid out was completely awesome... I really needed to hear them today because I was feeling very confused and lost. The more and more we spend time or talk the more I wanna be with him, but it scares me as well because my past has been wicked and I suffers from battered wife syndrome and I have little bit OCD as well as possible PTSD from the experience. However I have been through treatment and regulate with meds. But my friend is really a good person and as I said he is so sweet and caring and loving when we are together.

I am one of those people who stick around who doesn't give up easy and definitely shows how I care, I just think it scares him and maybe he just doesn't know how to accept that into his life as he suffers from PTSD . He referred to something the other day he said me knowing is different than him telling me that he cares, he said I should know by his actions and he doesn't know if he will ever be able to express his feelings verbally because that's not his way ..... needless to say I understand and respect that he has at least told me what to expect.

I really find this forum becoming a great supportive group and useful tool for me , I appreciate everyone's assistance

Sincerely Chrissy

 

[celia]

Thank you so much 99Phoenix99, thank you so much. That is healing and its validating when I tend to blame myself.

 

[here4him]

My advice is to really research what you're getting into and take things slow. I hate to say it, but it seems like the PTSD relationship success stories are few and far between.

My relationship started like yours. Things were great. He texted me all day and we'd talk 1-2 hours just about every night. He wanted me to really understand what he was dealing with. He opened up to me. I knew exactly how he suffered, I knew what the nightmares were, I knew the things that happened and he did in Iraq that no one else knew. He once told me he had told me more than he had told his therapist. He fully trusted me, knew I wouldn't judge him, and I felt like we had a really tight bond. When we were together, he was a physically affectionate person and we always had a blast together.

Then, out of nowhere, he stopped calling and texting. A few days later, he told me he couldn't handle the stress of the expectations of a relationship and that what he needed was a friend. I backed way off and was going to try to be his friend. A few days later, I sent him a text asking how he was doing and he didn't respond. He ALWAYS responded to me. I've tried texting him one other time and calling once since then (I have a two strikes, you're out rule, but gave him an extra strike). He never responded. Then, about a week later, he blocked me on Facebook. He didn't just unfriend me, that would have been a big enough slap in the face, but he took extra steps to block me which just made the slap in the face sting worse.

I hate to say to be prepared for him to just do a complete about face and go from being a fun, loving guy who wants to be with you and wants to share with you one day to a guy who is just gone overnight, but I guess that is what I'm saying.

 

[celia]

Here4him,
I too was blocked and added to the ignore list on the yahoo instant message. I also believe he blocked may have even blocked my email as well, as during his deployments I sent several with no response. I will not call or text him at all out of fear that he changed his number or blocked me there too. This is soooo BIZARRE.
We have all too much in common here. So let's feel assured , this is not about us. Why , why and why.

 

[kabeh394]

Loving him unconditionally and he literally tried to destroy me with no emotion, no remorse, no apology.

I am right there!!!

 

[kabeh394]

Keep reading and learning about PTSD but don't let yourself wither away like a plant unwatered like I did hoping for that Prince Charming to wake up and answer all of your questions...keep watering yourself. In yoga, what has really brought me through it (and GOD first and foremost) , is to learn to detach and let what will be "BE". Ive had to learn to let God handle this mountain because I can't climb it no matter how badly I want to.

You are taking the words, thoughts and feelings right out of my mouth!

 

[99Phoenix99]

@ Chrissy – I’m very sorry to hear that your past has been very difficult. No one should ever have to go through that. However I think what you've shared only proves the strength of your character. The fact that you've been through all of that and are proceeding forward in a new relationship really impresses upon me how strong you really are. And I’d like to think that this may actually bridge the gap you’re feeling with this guy. I feel like you’re in a position that you actually understand or are capable of understanding PTSD than you think.

And it’s funny that you mention that he said he may not ever be able to express himself verbally. I actually have that problem as well. I can express myself freely when I write, however in person? It’s like pulling teeth for me. I get shaky, feel very uncomfortable when I do, and to be honest my mind just shuts down. I become very stilted. (It’s something that really bothers me and I’m trying to work on it but it’s slow going) I understand where he’s coming from. I can’t comfort others well with words in person. But I’m always there to keep them company. Or buying them stupid and silly little gifts/cards to let them know I was thinking about them. The fact that he let you know about that is a good.

But I’d like to stress that even though he told you he can’t verbally show you that he cares (which I totally understand) make sure that you CAN feel that he cares through his actions. Do NOT neglect yourself at his expense. Please. I’ve noticed this is one of the biggest trends from the “supporters” stories I’ve read on this forum.

You’ve mentioned a few things he’s told you about himself, about what to expect from him and what not to expect from him in. He’s laying the groundwork for a relationship and where he stands in it. I don’t mean to be getting too involved here but I really hope you can recognize that for what it is. He’s essentially making boundaries with you to see what you can and can’t deal with. He’s bartering with you so to speak. This is the time for you to speak up. I know you like him and want to make things easy on him to make the relationship work but you need to barter back. Telling him what he should expect from you, and what you expect from him in this relationship. Express to him what will make YOU happy and what you won’t put up with.

It takes two to be in a relationship. Just by being here you’re going to great lengths for him. Please take stalk of that. You really ARE doing a hell of a lot for this guy. And while I feel for the guy, I’m more concerned about you right now. Celia and here4him I imagine are of the same mindset. Make sure he’s going to the same lengths for you as you are for him.

 

[99Phoenix99]

*Please take stock lol autocorrect

 

[AS1975]

Here4him,
I too was blocked and added to the ignore list on the yahoo instant message. I also believe he blocked may have even blocked my email as well, as during his deployments I sent several with no response. I will not call or text him at all out of fear that he changed his number or blocked me there too. This is soooo BIZARRE.
We have all too much in common here. So let's feel assured , this is not about us. Why , why and why.

PTSD is not going to solve being an obnoxious, using prick, conversely even arseholes can get PTSD.

 

[here4him]

Here4him,
I too was blocked and added to the ignore list on the yahoo instant message. I also believe he blocked may have even blocked my email as well, as during his deployments I sent several with no response. I will not call or text him at all out of fear that he changed his number or blocked me there too. This is soooo BIZARRE.
We have all too much in common here. So let's feel assured , this is not about us. Why , why and why.

Wow! I really thought I was alone in feeling this! His birthday is today. I sent a card. Yeah, I probably shouldn't have. I know that, but I did. I'm embarrassed to admit it. Anyway, I could have sent him a text, but I was afraid I'd find out he had blocked me or it would serve as a reminder to him that I could still contact him that way and he would take steps to block me. For some reason, I like thinking that I could reach him if I really needed to. Why? I don't know. He's gone.