Help I Have A Court Date

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Beth,

I am glad to see you back on the forum! I am always grateful for your prayers. I know they are helping.

Today was the last day of risk reduction class for me. I kinda got triggered when the instructor asked the class to fill out this form and calculate the cost of getting in trouble with the law. It listed all sorts of things like time spent, lost wages, court fees, fines, lawyers, etc. I flipped out and refused to calculate mine. She kept trying to insist it was possible and I started to raise my voice (did not realize it until later) and go off on how putting monetary value on the suffering that bad decisions and unjust legal systems have caused. She moved on to the next student but I kept thinking about it and getting madder and madder. I started to have chest pains and breathing trouble and shaking and intrusive thoughts so I had to walk out briefly. I went outside and tried to calm down and smoke a cigarette... but wound up yelling and kicking the trash can. I am glad she did not seem to hold it against me. I passed the class and got my little certificate proving I attended so I can bring that to my probation officer. I hope to start counseling soon.

 

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Beth,

I am glad to see you back on the forum! I am always grateful for your prayers. I know they are helping. :Hug_emoticon:

Today was the last day of risk reduction class for me. I kinda got triggered when the instructor asked the class to fill out this form and calculate the cost of getting in trouble with the law. It listed all sorts of things like time spent, lost wages, court fees, fines, lawyers, etc. I flipped out and refused to calculate mine. She kept trying to insist it was possible and I started to raise my voice (did not realize it until later) and go off on how putting monetary value on the suffering that bad decisions and unjust legal systems have caused is insulting and I refuse to reduce the value of human life to a dollar amount and ranted on the wasted opportunities and things that I will never accomplish and people who have been hurt... She moved on to the next student but I kept thinking about it and getting madder and madder. I started to have chest pains and breathing trouble and shaking and intrusive thoughts so I had to walk out briefly. I went outside and tried to calm down and smoke a cigarette... but wound up yelling and kicking the trash can. :crazy:

I am glad she did not seem to hold it against me. I passed the class and got my little certificate proving I attended so I can bring that to my probation officer.

I hope to start counseling soon. :occasion:

 

[Paloma]

This is such a great outcome for such a scary situation. I am happy for you on so many levels:wink: You faced your fear and that was maybe the lesson...that and creating circumstances you needed but couldn't find on your own: therapist, validation, reality check, new living situation, way to fire toxic people out of your life. You are on your way! You rock...your courage made it happen:thumbs-up

 

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Not Family

Just found out that my life partner's mother has ovarian cancer. She will be going into surgery later this month. Jo will be asking his probation officer to leave so he can be with her. I am not family in the eyes of the state... so I might have to stay here. :mad:

Also Jo has started bleeding and the doctors do not know why. I cannot get an excuse from community service or anything while he is being treated because I am not family. :mad:

I hate this red neck state. :mad:

 

[anni]

Revisiting Sucks!

Hi again-
I just checked into your thread to see how things were going and so sorry with the new anxieties. Not only is there a family member terribly ill but out of necessity now you've had to go back and deal with the system/be denied various permissions/ revisit traumas. Wow. There'd be a tonnn of triggers for me in one package so can only assume you've been 'hit'. Breathe! The back of my neck tightened up just thinking about what this fresh lot of circumstances would do to a 'normal' person, much less someone with PTSD. Nice that you knew you could come to the forum and we'd be here.

On another note, it seems to me that the blanket insistance on the legal 'family' label enabling you to support your true partner in life is archaic. Attitudes are changing slowly but certainly some states seem to be much further behind a humanistic, realistic approach than others!A more liberal interpretation of family is so needed so that folks like you can aid the families of their hearts unimpeeded. This isn't a political rant, just an observation coming from my heart! :)

I hope your mother in law and partner are both in better health before too long. Reading your concern it's clear that they have a loving supporter in you, no matter what! Maybe you're not feeling terribly usefull and are obviously upset but it is always rather lovely to read about people who care about their partners so much!

Just thought I'd say 'breathe' and Take Care-
Annie

 

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Anni,

Thank you for your support. I have been hit pretty hard by this. I agree that the current legal definition of family is archaic. Political rants are fine by me at this point. I am not too happy with the government at this point... especially in the oh so progressive south! I will try to remember to breathe. Some times it takes a mindful effort to do so, but it is useful. I do love my partner very much. He is so strong.

::hugs::

Liz H.

 

[anni]

HI Liz,
Just checking in. Your situation is just so frustrating I found myself thinking about it. It's so incredibly unacceptable that someone else is in in a position to TELL us who are family is- well just GRRHHH! Unfathomable.

So odd how so many of 'us' end up with strong, loving partners. My husband is- he would be my partner with or without the piece of legal paper 'allowing' this. It's the partner part which matters. In my better moments it has occured to me that perhaps there's some sort of 'pathology' in us. Maybe, and this isn't easy to accept, I'm actually a kind, caring,GOOD person. Maybe my lack of ego because of the PTSD built someone who attracted this lovely man because he thinks I'm wonderful the way I am.
I'm certainly not reading about anyone with self-absorbed, narcisstic takes on life! Anyway, I do keep reading about PTSD sufferers who have strong, good partners. Nice to hear you have one also. I know in my pre-trauma days I sure as heck didn't seem to be attracting anyone who could vaguely be described as kind! :)
Yes. there seem to be pockets of the south where one can tell how conservative the state is by the hair cuts on the politicians. Something about all that gleaming wholesomeness and all those TEETH - well you can tell before they open their mouths that noone in any kind of domestic partnership is getting recognised down there any time soon. :)
Here's to hoping and much healing- but take care!
Hugs back!
Anni

 

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An Update

Anni,

Thank you so much for your support. :Hug_emoticon:

I do find it interesting that people who suffer/survive have a strong desire to help themselves and others. Perhaps it is this quality that attracts the kind and loving people who care for us. Perhaps it is because the good people of the world want to help others.

Jo is doing much better with his health. The specialist said it was minor. He has been talking to his mom. She is still in denial. I am still in a bit of denial about that myself.

I am glad you and your husband are so well. It is good to hear.

I wish you well,

Liz H.