Help Me, Help My Brother

[brenda]

My brother was diagnosed with PTSD a few months ago. He is 25 years old and newly married this winter. His PTSD is a result from his work in victims services and paramedic work that he participated in as a teenager. He no longer works in that field. He is on medication but has stopped seeing the councellor. I haven't been able to really be there for him and his new wife in the way I would like to have been as I live on the other side of the country. In speaking to his wife tonight though she has decided to try and encourage him to come and stay here with myself and my family for awhile. She is terrified that she will come home to find him dead. I am in a position that I could take some time off work to support him and I am intimately familiar with depression, but I was wondering if any one had any advise or suggestions on how best to support him.

 

[revelry]

I dont know all the details, but it seems as if he very stressed, and she is very deperate, so there is clearly a lot going on. If he's willing and she she feels helpless, and scared, maybe some 'family time' might be good for him. Do the research, read, and then read some more. Hopefully you will find things here that will help. Welcome.

 

[CraftyCath]

Hi Brenda and welcome. I have CPTSD from childhood trauma and work (I was a nurse). There is a supporters section that you might find helpful. There are many other supporters on the forum who can give you some solid advice but I will say this. Thank you for wanting to help him, even at such a distance, it will mean a great deal to him.

 

[Froggie]

Welcome to the forum Brenda. This is so hard on a family when a member is feeling that depressed. Is you sister-in-law able to get him to a hospital or a councellor ? He may also need some adjustments on his meds. Keep posting and thank you for supporting your brother and his wife.

 

[brenda]

Thanks everyone, I am exploring the different categories here and learning as much as I can. I REALLY appreciate that I was able to find a site with this much information and support!
He is going to come out and stay with me after his next doctors appointment which is on the 15th. He was in councelling for a bit but is refusing to go back. (not sure why) He is on meds and it is my hope that the dr will make some adjustments as he has been on them for more than a month and should (I believe) be feeling some better...
Thanks again and I will post as I have questions

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Brenda, I hope you can make the decisions that feel right in your heart.

I don't know what relationship you had before this, but obviously you care very much.
Being familiar with depression you know what you cannot do, however, maybe he will open up and talk to you.
Similarly, a 'geography-cure' won't work for ptsd, however he may be more receptive to your suggestions than he is at this time with his wife. Or at least will express why he doesn't want to go to counselling etc.

He may get a better picture of the gravity of the situation, or it may interrupt his mindset of doing something drastic. But it still has to be up to him to pursue treatment and face it.

Please take care of yourself.

 

[brenda]

I know the geography-cure won't work LOL but here is what I am thinking (with a little background)... please let me know if it is flawed... He has been off work and spending too much time alone. His wife bought a beauty salon before this "****" all hit the fan and is currently trying to get this business off the ground while taking night school business classes. All of her extra time goes into caring and worrying about him. She is the one that got him to go to the doctor because he wasn't sleeping and having violent night terrors when he did. She is the one who insisted on him getting help both with medication and councelling. She is my HERO for her love and strength, but she needs a break too.

My brother lately has been withdrawing to the basement and not talking, not sleeping, not doing anything and shutting her out. This is not helping either of them.

I am familiar with depression (not PTSD exactly but there seems like there are similiarlities)
I have a heriditary disease that hit in my early twenties and mixed with fibromyalgia, I spun out of control with feeling like my life was over. In a sense it was as I had to rebuild a new life, which I have :). During that time I was blessed to have several friends in the community in which I live who used to drop by to chat and listen. Sometimes just scooping me up and taking me with them to watch them work... (lol) I feel as though I owe them my life in lots of ways. There was never any pressure to talk just someone to be around and it brought me out of myself. ( I also had medical support)

My husband also struggled with depression about 15 years into our relationship so I was also a carer. (Thankfully not at the same time I was in such a bad place, cause I can't imagine how that would have worked ) He refused to get help and I was simply unable to convince him otherwise but I did eventually learn that boundries were important and when all other rational attempts to find solutions failed I did finally get him to see what his crying and anger was doing to our son which was enough to set him on the road to self help recovery.

That all being said...

my sister-in-law needs a break in order to gain some strength back... I can be the primary watcher for a time to help give her that.

When my brother is here, he is under no obligation to talk but I will gladly listen should he want to.
He is under no obligation to "do" anything but there will be opportunities to participate in family life and they will be encouraged.
He will be a member of the family not the only family member and I will protect all members of my family to the best of my ability. (My son has seen a lot and is very empathetic which is a good thing but I will not have my brother upsetting him continually as he is only just turned 13 and only has so many coping skills.)

Does that sound fair?

 

[CraftyCath]

Hi Brenda, I cannot answer as a supporter but I just wanted to say that you seem to be a really loving and strong person.
Bless you. x