General Help! New To Ptsd

[Mrs. T]

Though I have been with my husband since 2005, knowledge of ptsd is new to both of us. He thought he was just different from most people. He did such a good job of NOT dealing with his childhood trauma, that he actually told me several times he "dealt with it in his own way". I was never really convinced but now that ptsd has come to light, he is realizing he had not dealt with his traumas.

Anyways, he is out now, which is one of his ways of trying to deal. He sent me a text saying that his past keeps haunting him.

ok, problems in my life are miniscule compared to his. I can offer advice and support to anyone with problems on the same scale as mine, but I am realizing I just can't do that for him. For me, with my small scale stresses, I can talk to someone and walk away feeling fine and thinking, "wow, I feel so much better now". He talks to someone and he walks away feeling worse then before the talk.

What the heck can I do for my husband? How can I be the best support?? What can I do when he's having a panic attack??

 

[Eleanor]

Hi Mrs.T has he been diagnosed? Are either of you seeing a therapist about it?

My husband doesn't have panic attacks per se - when his stress gets too much he dissociates. I try to stay very calm and not to engage with the "pattern" as he gets very very negative about me when he is having an episode. Not easy for sure. But it at least doesn't make it worse. Don't know if that helps.. You might read around, and search on "panic attack" to see what other people have said. Lots of experience in these threads....

Best wishes for you and your husband.

 

[Mrs. T]

Thanks eleanor.
My husband was diagnosed a bit over a month ago. The diagnosis hit him hard.

He has met with a therapist once, and will again tomorrow. From that session, he realized he has a lot to work through...I think that hit him hard as well.

He has been on antidepressants for about three weeks now.

His panic attacks are new. They seem to be his hardest symptom lately, perhaps because it's new.

Last night he talked about his childhood. I was surprised, but went with it. I was expecting him to ask to change the topic any time, but it didnt happen. I think it's a good sign.

 

[Eleanor]

Talking is good. My understanding is that the only way "out" of PTSD is "through" the trauma. So the more he is willing and able to confront what got him here, the better off he will be - although it is painful to go through without a doubt. It may be (almost certainly at some point will be) hard for you to hear and process what he is telling you. Make sure you get help too.

Could the panic attacks be a side effect of the drugs? Everyone reacts differently to stuff, and anti-depressants (some of them anyhow) take time to build up in the system. I am an obsessive reader of information about drugs.

Have you read Anthony's explanation of PTSD and the stress cup? It is a model that may be very helpful for both of you. Best wishes...

 

[Mrs. T]

Thanks again. I wonder if the panic attacks could have something to do with the meds. I'll keep an eye on that and ask him what he thinks. Don't think he had them before.

I did read anthony's "understanding ptsd" and it was incredibly helpful. Haven't had a chance to explain it all to H as the topic was stressful at the times I tried explaining. Maybe now, he may be ready for the topic.

I hope to get help at one point for myself. at this point, I dont feel that I need it, as communication with my husband has been good and I only really need information right now. I think my husband somewhat fears some of the stuff that comes up will be hard for me. With that, I do think I will need to talk to someone at one point.

 

[amethist]

Hi Mrs T

It is good that your husband feels comfortable enough to talk to you about his childhood. Knowing that he trust you enough to do that is a big thing to know.

You have no need to comment on anything he tells you, just being there to listen is one of the best things you can do for him. If it gets too much for you in one go, suggest a break for a coffee, then carry on if he wants to.

When you explain about PTSD to him, try to beak it down into small understandable bits. Too much information in one go could overwhelm him, and he will forget. So be prepared to repeat it often.

If you find it getting to much, then find someone you can offload on too. Also remember you are his supporter not his therapist, they do forget that sometimes.

Take care and keep going.

Amethist

 

[Mrs. T]

Thanks so much for the wisdom. I need as much as I can get! I really appreciate any advice and I think this will definitely help me.