Help, Please Read! I Have Distant Boyfriend All Of A Sudden And I Dont Know How To Deal.:(

[Rockergirl]

Here's my story.... We have been together just 2months. The 1st month and a half he was a 100% prince, perfect in every way. Then 2 weeks ago he started being distant, which hurts me so bad. I feel he doesnt like me, I'm insecure about relationships obviously. My past was full of my ex lying & cheating. Him & I hung out a lot in the beginning & now its like once it twice a week which is ok but when were together he's a different man. Distant & quiet which he never was before. He barley calls, today is going on 3 days. Before we saw eachother daily & now this. I have brought up to him the 1st week of him being distant & I asked has something changed between us & he said no not at all & if my feeling change or something is wrong I will come to you. Now obviously something has changed & sitting here I have no clue on his feelings or anything and I don't wanna bother him bout it cause it could push him away & that's the last thing I want. But feeling he's just not into me hurts & is all I think about.
He has said he has a lil bit if ptsd. He just got out if army June 1st. And started being with me 20 days later. He has read on ptsd a lil but mostly avoids it. He has said I have helped him being out in all and being back home. But now I'm not feeling like I'm anything to him. I'm so supportive about his ptsd & what he's been through.
ANYONE please help me & tell me the best way to go about this & how to be the best gf to a ptsd man.
And why would he be wonderful & normal & just one day b different & disconnected from me? Maybe its not his ptsd, I don't know. Thank you for reading :)

 

[Army_Brat_88]

Rocker -

Been there, done that, know how you feel. Jump onto a thread I joined with some other girls in our boat - "Combat PTSD and Triggers". Read it, hopefully you'll get some quick answers and insight so your head doesn't fall off in the process of trying to figure everything out alone. :D

See you there!

 

[Rockergirl]

Thank u Army Brat!

 

[Rockergirl]

I still need help.

 

[Gemini Lady]

hi hun. i know what ur going thru my hubby is in the army and suffers from PTSD which after many arguements with him saying nothing is wrong with him i finally got him some help. BUT it has backfired with his theripst saying that im not worthy of him,
i put up with his shit,
i held him wen he cried,
i bore the brunt of violence,
i put up with him yelling at me,
i put up with him being distant,
i put up with "its not you" its me for not wanting sex
so babe it is a very long haul and there is no quick fix. they will be like this for a long time yet. if you can handle it then stay but if you cant then dont beat urself up over it. they have to want to get help to.
good luck

 

[Army_Brat_88]

Ok Rocker -

Have you gone onto the VA website for some info on PTSD? This is going to be a long road with no easy answers. I wish I could tell you otherwise. But if you're interested in having as much info as you can, PM me and I'll give you some links - K?

AB

 

[Prettysmile]

Rocker girl. Army Brat is right. And I too been there done that and can write a book about it. Your introduction on this thread sounds like every girlfriend or boyfriend of someone suffering from ptsd. They start off real strong and loving and even mention marriage in most cases. Put you on a pedastal and without notice they are gone. That is PTSD hun. He is feeling numb and he wants to be alone. Its nothing you did. Its all him and he is aware.

 

[lona]

@Gemini Lady Hi, I know this post was some time ago... but does the "its not you its me" for not wanting sex change??

When I started dating my bf he had already been back from Iraq for 4 years. He told me he had ptsd, but you would never be able to tell because he makes himself seem so fine all the time. He said its something he cant change so its not a big deal.

We were having sex all the time, every day sometimes multiple times a day. Its the most amazing sex I've ever had, not just the way it feels but the emotional connection with it as well, I've never had that with someone I'd had sex with. It was truly "making love" and it was amazing. We've been together for a little over a year and a half now...

He used to initiate sex frequently, and would want it if I initiated it.

Now if I initiate it most of the time I get rejected. He hardly ever does anymore...

He also has a hard time falling asleep and staying asleep. Being a nurse I know this can greatly effect libido, but even when he does sleep nothing changes in our sex life. He gets mad if I bring it up, and I end up feeling guilty.

I feel like I shouldn't feel bad for wanting sex with the man I hope to someday marry. Don't get me wrong, he is the most amazing man I've ever been with, and sex isn't everything but to go from him telling me he could have sex at least 3 times a day because he has "such a high sex drive" and having sex that often to hardly ever is such a change. He gets upset if I ask if there's something I can do to seem sexier to him, to turn him on or to make him want me more, saying its not my fault, its his.

At this point I'm lost. I understand PTSD and have done research on it, because my mom was diagnosed with it after being in a physically and emotionally abusive marrige with my dad for 16 years. I was also in an incredibly emotionally abusive relationship for a year, though I have learned to cope and get rid of the negative feelings I had about myself.

If anyone has any advice that would be so wonderful!

Hugs,
lona

 

[lona]

Also, he's not on any medications. The only thing he WAS on was tomazepam to help him sleep. Which worked, but he didn't have to take it all the time. The VA stopped prescribing it to them because it was found to be addictive. (DUH)

And another also, when we do have sex, more often then not lately he seems to have no emotion with it..he'll close his eyes or when they're open he just kind of has a blank stare..he used to look at me so lovingly and intimately, he'd say things to me during..now he says nothing..I'm just so lost..

When I brought it up to him this morning he got mad saying he was doing something wrong, acting like I was attacking him, I wasn't, I was just trying to have a normal calm conversation, he was upset because I've brought it up more than once...

Does he not see a problem with only having sex 1/3 times a month??

The guys I've dated before him (and any guy that tried to "date me") only wanted sex. So I thought all men loved sex. I used to not like it as much because it was never good until I met him...its like the greatest pleasure I've ever known and its just taken away...

He had appts at the VA, the last one he went to they told him he should bring me. I thought it would be a good idea and was planning on going to the next one! He cancelled them all, and refuses to go back. He told me he told them there is no lack in sex drive, but obviously there is. I guess he just wants to pretend he's not damaged?? I have no idea.

I'm sorry if i sound like I'm rambling...I just found this site, and I would like some advice, or someone to talk to who understands what I'm going through, as none of my friends have been through this.

Hope to hear from someone!

Hugs,
Lona