Relationship Help Please. Tired,sad And Frustrated!!

[Ambed]

So like alot of our stories,The beginning was perfect, we felt so in love, his charm was striking, he'd of bowled me over with affection, he argued with me to take me places and show me off to the world. I fell for him hook, line and sinker, "I found my soul mate" i remember telling myself.

Fast forward.... I can't get him out of bed, he has lost any desire for me or spending time with me, intimacy is virtually non existent, affection, what affection!! His PlayStation and our sofa sees more of him than I ever will. I feel as though my every action irritates him beyond measure.

Up until very recently, any knock back.. Isolation, being yelled at, being treated like sh*t or ignored.. There I was, his #1 right by his side.. Reassuring both him and myself... Telling us look we made it through another stint.
There he would be. My perfect, handsome man.. There for an hour, laughing, carrying on, kissing and cuddling them BOOM.. Ptsd crept in and snapped him out of it again. And it's that hour or day, or if I'm really damn lucky two days of bliss that remind me why I was doing all of this!!

This time I don't know what's died inside me. I am just like here we go again.. I may sound selfish here.. What about me???
What about every time I look in the mirror I dislike what I see because he makes me feel as tho this is me.

I know he loves me, bit I don't remember the last time he wanted to take me to bed, or told me "you look nice"
Or I appreciate you!!

I do everything!!! I'm a young woman, working alot, keeping everything
Aspect of our home running.. Reassuring him and encouraging him every day.. And i just feel as though I have nothing left to give!!!
I dont know where my chirpy little personality has gone??

I've lost me!!!
And I know it's not his fault, but all I want to do is cry, how have I let things get to here?? My eyes are full of tears typing this post!!

Do I tell him, or does that set him off??
I feel him pushing me away and usually I didn't let myself be pushed.. And slowly but surely I'm letting him push me Each day. I feel myself not wanting to fight ptsd any more..
I feel like letting it win!!!

Have I had enough?
Am I just not strong enough to carry both of us any more??

What do I do, if I talk to him he gets mad, if I take to my friends or family they don't understand and tell me the usual.. He's being a brat, don't u put up with that etc.. But they don't understand its not actually him!!!! I know its not. I know he doesn't choose this!!!!!

He's currently at weekly counselling.. But I guess my question is how do I find me again?

Which little part of me has died.. What do I do?

 

[julzzze]

So like alot of our stories,The beginning was perfect, we felt so in love, his charm was striking, he'd of bowled me over...

I know your story as a supporter....I live it too. Bottom line..you have to decide is the payoff worth the sacrifice. I think we all struggle with those same feelings. Sometimes there's so much damage there's nothing left to hold on to. We keep hoping it will get better or more manageable.....and it can. But, he has to be willing to do the work

 

[adm]

I know your story as a supporter....I live it too. Bottom line..you have to decide is the payoff worth...

I take comfort in being reminded that it isn't just us that's struggling with Ptsd as a couple. Thank you for making that post!! And i appreciate your advice.. I have to think alot about it. I'm not ready to walk away from us. On the other hand I understand how detrimental this is to my self esteem lately! (rock and hard place scenario)

Thanks again!! :)

 

[A13]

This is my post, if anyone will reply I can see it. I'm unsure why I posted as a guest. It must have signed me out!!!!

Thanks guys

 

[queen]

I know he loves me, bit I don't remember the last time he wanted to take me to bed, or told me "you look nice"
Or I appreciate you!!

Do I tell him, or does that set him off??

I'm currently struggling with this myself. I've been trying to hard to give him his space, to not to be clingy or annoying or demanding, but at some point, my needs are not being met and I feel tired and sad and lonely. I can't tell you what to do, but for me, I had to tell him (via text because he's refusing to speak to me unless I ask him a direct question that has nothing to do with us) that I'm not going to keep reaching out to him like I have been, and when he's ready, he needs to let me know. And in the meantime, I'm going to live my life and be as active as I can. I don't know when, or even if, he'll reach out to me at all, but I feel like lately I've been spending so much time trying to read his mind, decipher his cryptic code, or anticipate his needs and wants, that I'm not doing anything for myself. And that's not healthy or right at all.

If he's willing to get help and is actively participating in counseling for himself, it wouldn't be a bad idea for you to as well. And to take a little breather from the intensity and chaos that is the relationship, and spend some time re-discovering the you that has been pushed aside and sacrificed for it. You have to be you, and you have to get your needs met somehow. Maybe in time he will be able to contribute to those needs, but right now he's not, and the only person who can get you in a better place mentally and emotionally is yourself.

 

[Deleted member 17302]

I know this sounds weird, but it seems like ALL the supporters of PTSD sufferers in relationships are fighters in that they want to fight for relationships instead of thinking relationships are easy peasy all the time. Would be interesting if supporters that got bailed on all started talking and find relationship partners within that pool because they would know those people fight to keep relationships strong and well protected. Just an off topic thought.

 

[admmm]

I'm currently struggling with this myself. I've been trying to hard to give him his space, to not to be cl...

It really is a tough one. I usually just bounce straight back but just the last couple of times as you say I'm playing the guessing game, tip-toeing around him.. It's a tough one. My sufferer will listen if I have to talk, but I'm not sure if he's paying me lip service and just letting me talk to try and be reasonable. The problem is I don't know if hes thinking about my needs. I mean, he used to. What amazes me is, before we lived together, when we were just dating, he was like this different guy... I ask myself how can he be so dramatically different. How was he able to be so happy and chirpy and friendly then??

 

[queen]

What amazes me is, before we lived together, when we were just dating, he was like this different guy... I ask myself how can he be so dramatically different. How was he able to be so happy and chirpy and friendly then??

The funny thing about this, is I read this all the time on this forum, it seems to be most supporters' experience. But mine was very different. He started out so much more closed off than he is now. I mean, I could see the person he was/is, and all of the strengths he has behind his GINORMOUS walls, but he was so emotionally closed and much more physically closed in the beginning. I mean, he still is to an extent, but it took several months of dating, then one long isolation (5 weeks), for him to come around and start opening up, being more affectionate, etc. If things were reversed, I think I might lose my mind. Because from my experience, I'm seeing progress from where we were, as opposed to regression.

Except, however, when he isolates. It's been probably 4-5 months since the last one, my god does it suck. I was almost thinking that it wouldn't happen again. Or at least not be as bad as the last time. It's been 2 weeks of very spotty communication, until yesterday when I just had to take a step back and let him know the ball's in his court. But you know when I do see him more chirpy and friendly? When he's talking to his buddies. He can be pretty quiet or even non-verbal when we're hanging out around the house, but he gets on playstation, or a buddy calls, and he's laughing and joking and funny and charming. Then as soon as it appears, the phone call ends, and POOF. He's griping at me leaving a towel on the floor. :O_o:

 

[EveHarrington]

Are you involved in activities that do not involve him whatsoever? I am a sufferer, but have spent a lifetime building a disjointed support network. Yes----disjointed is best as if one segment fails, the whole structure does not collapse.

Just my thoughts----we all need space away from stressful situations.

 

[GrapplingGrief]

I know this sounds weird, but it seems like ALL the supporters of PTSD sufferers in relationships ar...

Empaths meeting empaths. A great idea with the caveat that we aren't all codependents who then get preyed on by narcissists or willfully seek out the emotionally unavailable/injured.

 

[GrapplingGrief]

The funny thing about this, is I read this all the time on this forum, it seems to be most supporters' exp...

That used to drive me nuts. I would see the awesome version of her emerge with others, even relative strangers! But then I would get the PTSD version. It was like come on! they're not getting you up in the morning, making you breakfast, packing lunch, taking care of the dogs, prepping dinner, picking you up, training you, doing the laundry, cleaning, etc... Where's my sweet, charming gal?! I didn't get it and it lead to resentment, my fears she was just unhappy and would leave... and then she left, came back, then I was told one of us had to leave... I get it now because of these forums but too little too late.

 

[A13]

Are you involved in activities that do not involve him whatsoever? I am a sufferer, but have spent...

Come to think of it not really no, work and work colleagues is about it!!
Perhaps that's something to think about spend more time apart. Maybe that was selfish on my part I obviously like spending time with him but food for thought.. Thank you!!