Help! Should I Stay? Or Should I Go.

[anthony]

Ken... you have obviously thought about the work aspect... in that you are aware atleast that you may be functioning because of workaholism. The decision though can only be made by you... because you may just crash with more time on your hands. It is like a veteran, in that after combat they feel more comfortable in a combat zone than they do at home, a civilian environment. They actually still require the trauma around them to function.

Is it right to function that way? Not likely... but if it works then you use it. If it doesn't work, you don't.

 

[Frankie]

Ken, your memories will always be with you. You would not be leaving anyone, you would not let anyone down !

Ok, I will be mushy here :) ....but Iggy left his legacy with what you both created. When your "brothers" at the firestation look at the shirts and the white spade....they will always remember :)

I truly believe that the people we lose, are still there looking down at us.....and I truly believe iggy would tell you to follow your path, and do what is best for you.

Hugs....Frankie

 

[Nicolette]

Hi Ken

I am a little late to say too much as a lot of good advice has already been given.

I would like to say I am sorry for the loss of Iggy and I hope the shirt and the Band of Brothers have good memories of him to treasure.

From a workaholism point of view, which it sounds you thrive on, I will say that I really do think you may find you will fall over more than you do now until you re-fill your life with other things (and you will need to find positive things). What is also difficult is to learn how to "just be" with nothing planned or scheduled....free time! If you find a lot of worth in what you do and it becomes a part of your identity you may find it a struggle to find the non-work Ken aspects of yourself. I know you teach football/soccer or the likes which is great but the whole point of what I hear you are saying is that you want to take off stress. Taking off stress means not taking on so much responsibility in some respects.

IMHO you have to decide if you know who you are outside of work and can you be that person or at least want to find them. I really believe that people who take on too much learn to feed off the adrenaline and it is like coming off a drug learning to work less. It also may mean finding value in yourself in other ways. There will be a void to fill if you choose less work but you don't want to refill it to the same level but with other things.

Whatever you decide; I wish you happiness.

 

[midi]

Change is scary for us PTSDers. Sometimes you just gotta jump into the void, let go of control, try out the other place, and see what happens.

 

[pegasus]

I have 14 years in EMS. We all have are own perspective of whether it's better to be in a busy or slow system. I'm in a busy system now with low acuity. I'd take the acuity over the volume any day, but thats my personal preference. That said, I will leave you one thing to think about, at some point you have to stop, depending on where you are you could potentially retire in 4 years, whether it's 4 of 15 at some point you will stop. Is it better to stop cold turkey from a fast station to nothing or move to a slow station and get out of the frying pan for a bit but occasionally get your feet wet. I don't know, I'm not a sufferer, I'm a carer, but I think it's something to think about.

 

[Mercy]

Dear loyal Ken,
On this site, I have known you to be big hearted, and very thoughtful. Those are rare gifts. You can apply them in many different ways.

After 16yrs at the 9's, you may be finding that young men have so much more energy and strength than those in their thirties and forties(just guessing). I think you might find a slower pace good physically and for your family. Working nearer to where you live lets your kids walk by and boast to their friends,"That's my Dad."

For me, I would guess that you might fall apart probably not. But if you do, then you will be in a situation to do the work you need to do so as not to be an adrenaline junkie. I'm not saying that lowering your level of hypervigilance will happen. I think you will be exactly who you are where ever you are. You are strong.

I had a difficult time changing my work place too. The same issues loyalty, responsibility, comradery. I hope my christian faith will not be a problem for you. So you can take this next bit any way you like.

There is a line in one of the psalms that says, "they will raise up like eagles..." I read an article from the Smithsonian magazine about how eagles migrate from Turkey to the Sinai. They ride the thermals. When the psalm was written, it would be common to see towers of slowly circling eagles. As an eagle rises on a thermal current, the air starts to cool, not giving him much lift. The eagles are very far seeing so he could just look over to the next column of eagles and soar down to the bottom of that column and rise up again....migrating more than a thousand miles without even needing to beat his wings much.

Maybe you are at the top of your current and can float down, easier than you think, to the next column of firefighters the way the eagles do. There is a time for everthing under heaven. Is this your time? Only you will know and the change may be scary. H#*l, you've been scared before right?

 

[Cate]

Hey Ken.

From one workaholic to another, it may be time for a break.

You're not getting any younger, you're wife's not and your kids are not. The station will get along without you and you can make life easier for yourself and your family.

But, at the end of the day, you have to make the decision that works for YOU. We're all behind you no matter what.

Cate :occasion:

 

[zoe]

I some how related to this thread, but just couldn't find the words until thinking about my job. I don't know how to slow down either. It scares me. I fall apart on the weekends. I am afraid of work, but I thrive on it. I am afraid of crumbling without it.

When I didn't work for awhile I did crumble some. Actually a lot. But I think I am healthier for it because it forced me to look at me. I am working again and not sure I can pull it off, but if I don't, it will just be another of those life adjustments that we all must go through - they usually have both good and bad aspects to them.

I hope whatever your choice, it is a healthy one for you!

Zoe

 

[Noone.]

Ok I put my bid in.
I thought the change would mean a better quality of life for me and I wouldn't be
surrounded by so much unbearable sorrow.
I will find out shortly if I get a chance at a normal life or if I am destined to spend
the rest of my time left in a hyper state of vigilance.
Wish me luck.

Ken.

 

[amethist]

Hi Ken

Good luck, good for you on deciding to go for it.

When you get it, enjoy all that it will give you.

Your kids will enjoy having better times with their dad too.

Take care of you.

Amethist

 

[Claire]

Hello Ken, haven't been on here for a while but saw this thread last night and I've been thinking about it.

I think you've made a good choice. Potentially an easier life but with the risk. My favorite saying is 'Fortune favours the brave'. You are brave in many ways, in work and in your personal life. Good luck with the bid.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Best wishes and I hope things go well for you.......