Supporter Help...supporting New Girlfriend That Has Ptsd

[MSupport]

I am new to the thread and have been reading pages non-stop to try to find out more information. I have a new girlfriend that suffers from ptsd and have know each other little over half a year and have been dating for about 3 months. She has been very open about her ptsd and has always been completely honest with me.

We have been spending lots of time together and have never had any problems. I am very aware that she does not want a full blown serious relationship for obvious reasons. She has had ptsd for over a year and has medication and does see someone for help. We do not live together but we do live very close. She is doing everything she can to cope with it and has a huge support system behind her. We are both very busy with school, however, she tends to be more busy than me (not replying to texts often to try and stay focused on what she is doing). After a very good valentine's week we were both relieved to have the stress of school and work off our shoulders for a bit but she again has a rough work load. She now rarely texts me and I send reassuring texts to her but do not receive any.

I am aware she may be overloaded and I am trying to step back and give her space but my anxiety has been going crazy for the past couple days. When I don't receive a text for a while I worry uncontrollably about our relationship and how she is doing. When I do get a text it is normally very short and brief but never as playful as before. All I ask of her is to be completely honest with me so I do not get hurt as I have been hurt before. I feel as though I am making this about me so I have not said anything to her about my anxiety issues that are affecting my health, school, and social life because it may make things worse for her (being hurt before has cause my anxiety).

I do not have a big support group and tend to have lots of time to myself which doesn't help the problem. Another thing about my anxiety is that I do not eat or sleep and tend to break over any stress load. It eases my mind a little when I see her or receive a text. Last thing... This past weekend we got a little off page and sent very long and serious texts about how we felt about each other and we agreed that it is a very special relationship and neither of us want the pressure involved with a serious relationship, but we love spending time together and neither of us want or are looking for anyone else.. Although nothing seems to be wrong with our relationship I have not had time to talk with her in person because of our busy schedules and me not wanting to add stress to her life. All of this is causing me anxiety and I feel she is pushing me away and I have no idea what to do to help cause I feel she is overloaded but I am not functioning very well because of my own anxiety... I am soon to see someone about my issues but I feel this may be beneficial for me (I can help her and help me). I do briefly see her after classes but it is nothing more than smiles and a potential kiss goodbye.

 

[Toria]

Hello MSupport and welcome to the Forum. There is a whole section for the supporters of PTSD sufferers and you will find a lot of help and advice in there.

I am glad that you are seeing someone about your anxiety issues - it can be very hard to help someone when you are suffering yourself - especially when her symptoms (isolating etc) seem to be the triggers for your fears.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Welcome to the forum. :)

 

[KP the nut]

Hi and welcome to the forum.

 

[arae]

I'm going to give you my honest opinion. As someone who suffers from PTSD, this relationship may be overwhelming for her. I know you both agreed on the relationship terms and have also agreed you are mutually happy, but it seems like there is more to it. First and foremost, I think you need to talk to her about this. Especially if your anxiety is so bad that it is interfering with life, it needs to be addressed. She could very well just not realize that she is being short- or that it is causing you so much anxiety. For me, I get overwhelmed very easily, especially doing episodes I have, flashbacks, and etc..and I tend to seclude myself from everyone..that's how I deal with it. I know it's not healthy but it's what I know to do to get past certain things. I don't want to talk your ear off..I guess my biggest point is..talk to her. I wish you the best and keep us updated!

 

[dms]

I've been in your shoes, and from my experience, you will push her away with your emotional neediness. I use to be you. I suggest that you get a life, your own therapist and turn to GOD, to help you through. I got really hurt. I'm not trying to be rude. I felt all of your emotions, for a year, up until a month ago. It's hard. I have now been diagnosed with PTSD too, from prior traumas. PTSD is a very selfish disorder. Be Blessed!

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to the PTSD Forum! :)

 

[ISupportHer]

Hi, I see you have gotten some good honest advice already. I hope that you can realize that good advice IS offered in all honesty. I have found that it sometimes is a bitter pill, so to speak, but yet is well intentioned.

I hope , no, I know that your searching here can help.

ISH

 

[shoulderblades]

Hi MSupport, welcome to the forum. :-)

Your situation sounds very tough. I sympathise and empathise on many levels. I have C-PTSD (complex PTSD) and I completely understand your girlfriend's position of constantly feeling overwhelmed. I also completely understand your own position and have experienced many of your emotions about relationships I was in.

I disagree that PTSD is a selfish disorder, as someone mentioned further upthread. How it manifests may result in selfish behaviour, but doesn't always manifest in selfish behaviour. It can manifest in many different ways, in many complex ways and on many complex levels (particularly if you have C-PTSD - it's called "complex PTSD" for a reason, heh).

I do agree that perhaps it's important for you to take a step back yourself. It seems that your anxiety issues are out of control from what you're saying - this is not your fault. But it's in your power to get help with dealing with that. Perhaps you are projecting too much of your own issues into this relationship than is healthy. I will admit that is what immediately comes across to me, because I've been in your position or have felt the things you're describing.

Reaching out here is a really good starting point. This place is very helpful and supportive and useful. Do not be afraid to even start your own diary to write about your past and your feelings and your thoughts - you'd be surprised what kinds of things can arise from merely writing them out. It certainly helps to clarify things and to sort out chaotic thoughts.

Good luck and I wish you well. :-)

 

[MSupport]

I just wanted to say thank you for the posts. All opinions are very helpful and I appreciate them greatly. I will continue to update as the relationship progresses.