Relationship Help Supporting Someone With Ptsd Please.

[Peach]

@Sweetpea76 So you are still human??? :p

I have only had one boundary issue with Tater so far (decided he needed a name, instead of guy or vet LOL), it was fairly small and he took it like a champ. As for not taking things personally, I think I am getting much better at that and you're right, it has made a world of difference!:cool:

 

[Sweetpea76]

Oh yeah... I get pissed off, cry, feel insecure and have plenty of WTF moments for sure. Figuring out that he isn't mad at ME, or isolating because he doesn't want anything to do with ME, or that his sex drive isn't being lowered by ME, etc makes a huge difference. I'm not saying that I don't have my moments that legitimately piss him off... but generally if I am not being a shit, and I can recognize he is stressed, I know that it really doesn't have anything to do with me.

Does it mean that I am beyond driving to the gas station alone to get a pack of cigarettes and cussing him out after he lashes out at me? Nope... I still do that. Gotta get it out sometimes.

 

[Losty]

Aw shucks ladies, you make me blush :oops:

I still get confused and mess up all the time... I've jus...

My first post on this site is to say....how do you not take it personally??

When my wife goes off it is not an argument, or a bump in the road, it is an atomic bomb. Things get thrown, and I get reminded of every mistake I have made since the moment we met (we've been together over 25 years)....I get pushed out, locked out, screamed at, closet gets emptied out. I know you are not supposed to argue with ptsd but when every button you have gets pushed and the person you love most in this world is mocking your response to it....well....sometimes I'm going to argue.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Yep... We had a few knock down drag outs before I started reading up on PTSD.

It didn't come over night. I had to learn. I came on here and was given some great advice about setting my boundaries and not engaging. :)

It worked... and it works well. It can't get to the nuclear point if you don't engage. Plus if you remove yourself, and it does get nuclear, you won't be there to be the target of it.

I have a hot-head by nature. Patience is an aquired skill!

 

[catlover26]

Aw shucks ladies, you make me blush :oops:

I still get confused and mess up all the time... I've jus...

Yeah, Sweetpea you know how much I think you are a big help to everyone!! :)

Not taking things personally. I think that must be my biggest problem. He is worried about the fight he just had with his brother and they are not speaking and so many other things have gotten him off kilter. But I still think "why is he not paying as much attention to me or talking etc." And he is thinking about so many other worries he is having.

Lashing out he doesn't do. Withdrawing and having him seem like he is drifting away when you talk to him, that is what happens a lot.

I think a lot about all of ya'll and how you live day to day with ones with ptsd. I only see my Vet 2 or 3 nights a week and it seems to get to me too much at times.
Blessings to all of you!!

 

[catlover26]

My first post on this site is to say....how do you not take it personally??

When my wife goes off it is n...

Of course it's hard not to take it personally. But like a counselor told my sister who was having marital problems... A spouse will take it out on the one that is the 'safest'. She can't really pitch a fit in front of a friend and treat a friend like that and expect a friend to stay around but she feels comfortable that you are not going to leave. You become the unfortunate target of her anger even though she is really mad about what else is going on in her life and what happened to her.

As hard as it is to do you have to remove yourself from the situation and not react. She probably is wanting to fight with you because of all of the anger in her but she will have to learn other ways to deal with that anger.

 

[Purplemunchkin]

A spouse will take it out on the one that is the 'safest'.

Whilst it isn't good, and alternatives should be worked on, it is a backhanded compliment.

 

[Losty]

Well things are pretty much the same. Still the target. Still trying to get thru the days.... Things have gotten worse lately due to some other influences and pressures in life. I am retiring from the army after 22 years and our house is up for sale so... I feel like I am making it worse as we will have a rough couple of days then things will be great for a few days maybe even weeks then back on the train. Trying to look at other counselling options but I can't even talk to her about that now. If I forget to pass a phone msg or something about the kids, here we go. I am then unreliable and a liar or I was keeping it from her. Where does this end? And in response to some, if there is a blowout and I leave....then I am walking away and must be reminded of every other time I went away whether ordered or voluntary with my career and that I am abandoning her and my family once again...
On one hand the last time she kicked me out I actually considered not going back, but she is my best friend and my true love and I found out I don't have it in me to leave my family behind. It might work for some but not me.
Please don't anyone think I am trying to sound priestly here. I have made bad decisions and mishandled lots of situations with her disorder but really? Is it all my fault? When do I get to be a human with flaws?

 

[EveHarrington]

Hi @Losty

Just a suggestion----

You may get a bit more feedback if you start your own thread as this one is a bit old and sometimes people only reply to the original post without reading all of the replies.

 

[hodge]

Losty, I am so sorry you are still going through the same pattern with your wife. I can't imagine how horrible things would be for my hubby if I had not gone to therapy and worked on my anger and everything. Perhaps she needs to hear that she has to go to therapy? You do not deserve to be her sounding board, to put it lightly. I'll give more of a think to this, but I'm late for a TV date with hubby right now. Take care.