hello herc 3 of 4
ther are certain post that I have ignored for 1 reason or another ,, ! I read slow ,, 2 I stink at typeing and spelling ,, 3 I really dislike macho bullsh-- anymore ,,
so thank you for catching my attaintion with your last post { misunderstood } ,, I even went back and read your other post , out of guilt and respect ,,
you see I am a proud man and have courage ,, but I am not afraid to say I ned help ,I'm scared , or let my emotions out in somtimes very uncomfortable places ,,
you show courage I admire that , I had PTSD for a very long time before I was diagnossed ,, I drank all my feelings away for many years ,, in my 2nd yr, being sober my lawyers srink opened me up like a tin can and spilled every thing I had hidden for yrs out ,, then said I had PTSD + depression and then she said OK we,re done , I looked at her in teror and said what the hell am I sopose to do now ,, she didn't have a answer ,, I think she was very nervous at that moment ,, I drove away from there cry ,totally out of control almost aiming my car at others in my way ,,, I made it to a councelor I had met ,, he couldn't believe the way this woman left me ,,, It took eric wellover 2 hours to bring me back to earth and calm me down ,
this is now 16 yrs later and yesterday I could not leave my house ,,
tihs dose not happen very often anymore,,, but certain thing have bin coming back hard and heavy ,, I am not so afraid of them anymore but still they are uncomfortable feelings ,,
I have had to tackle things head on while I was filled with fear and just have this blind faith that God would get me threw it one way or another,, he's helped me every time ,, just not how I wanted or when I wanted ,, once I even found myself screaming up at God and the stars { will you please lighten up just a little fu--en bit } ,, well I slept like a baby that night , the next day I was better ,,,
this is very hard for me to deal with ,, I will not prezoom to know what it dose for you or to you ,, I pray you hold on tight enough to get through this horrorfying ilness ,,,
welcome you have tought me some thing that was told to me manny years ago [ never judge a book by its cover }
thank you beatle bailey :crazy-blu
