Hi.
I'm unsure what to say. Like I said, I'm hesitantly here. Admitting to my traumas is a very new thing to me, but I want so badly to understand now more about myself and the how everything is still affecting me because it all has wreaked havoc on my insides and out for too long.
Main facts about me.
-Grew up in a dysfunctional family anxious paranoid mother, narcissistic paranoid father, both hoarders
-Older brother developed anger and rage issues during his preteens. My parents put a bolt lock on the door to my bedroom after he chased me with a butcher knife when I was young. I developed disordered eating behaviors around this age
-I was sexually abused for a few years by my brother's only friend pre-middle school and during. When I tried to tell my mother about it she told me that it was important that my brother had this friend because he was having trouble in school and that I must be confused. I didn't speak about any of this for the next thirteen years.
-When I entered highschool I violently sexually assaulted. After this I dropped out of highschool and gained 100+ lbs binge eating. About a year later I lost all of this weight and more through extremely low calorie intake and overexercise.
-Left with extreme excess skin at a normal weight, I developed bulimia as well as severe back pain as well as other issues (general psychological distress and disturbance over the appearance of my body after all of this). Due to my back pain insurance covered a chest reconstruction for removal of the skin on my chest which turned into a medical trauma in a botched surgery
-I got my GED and moved away to college but after two emotionally abusive/manipulative relationships had to move home severely ill from anorexia and extremely underweight. Regained my weight with the help of a trauma therapist but refused treatment for a long time until I began binging and purging daiily sometimes more than once a day for about a year. I finally admitted myself into treatment for an eating disorder. Here I met my second therapist who specializes in EMDR and trauma who finally got me out of denial about PTSD
-I was in treatment all day for 5 days/week for 6 months and normalized eating a bit, but still struggling with restrictive tendencies
-I am still undergoing EMDR treatment and therapy 2x week
-I have a lot of social anxiety and disassociation issues as well as hypervigilance..
I'm trying to navigate all of this and I needed somewhere I could relate to people and feel less alone. I'm kind of on a mission to understand more so I can learn to live the best life I can with the awful symptoms that I have. I want to not have this take my life over any more, but I don't know how.
Thank you guys for being here.
I'm unsure what to say. Like I said, I'm hesitantly here. Admitting to my traumas is a very new thing to me, but I want so badly to understand now more about myself and the how everything is still affecting me because it all has wreaked havoc on my insides and out for too long.
Main facts about me.
-Grew up in a dysfunctional family anxious paranoid mother, narcissistic paranoid father, both hoarders
-Older brother developed anger and rage issues during his preteens. My parents put a bolt lock on the door to my bedroom after he chased me with a butcher knife when I was young. I developed disordered eating behaviors around this age
-I was sexually abused for a few years by my brother's only friend pre-middle school and during. When I tried to tell my mother about it she told me that it was important that my brother had this friend because he was having trouble in school and that I must be confused. I didn't speak about any of this for the next thirteen years.
-When I entered highschool I violently sexually assaulted. After this I dropped out of highschool and gained 100+ lbs binge eating. About a year later I lost all of this weight and more through extremely low calorie intake and overexercise.
-Left with extreme excess skin at a normal weight, I developed bulimia as well as severe back pain as well as other issues (general psychological distress and disturbance over the appearance of my body after all of this). Due to my back pain insurance covered a chest reconstruction for removal of the skin on my chest which turned into a medical trauma in a botched surgery
-I got my GED and moved away to college but after two emotionally abusive/manipulative relationships had to move home severely ill from anorexia and extremely underweight. Regained my weight with the help of a trauma therapist but refused treatment for a long time until I began binging and purging daiily sometimes more than once a day for about a year. I finally admitted myself into treatment for an eating disorder. Here I met my second therapist who specializes in EMDR and trauma who finally got me out of denial about PTSD
-I was in treatment all day for 5 days/week for 6 months and normalized eating a bit, but still struggling with restrictive tendencies
-I am still undergoing EMDR treatment and therapy 2x week
-I have a lot of social anxiety and disassociation issues as well as hypervigilance..
I'm trying to navigate all of this and I needed somewhere I could relate to people and feel less alone. I'm kind of on a mission to understand more so I can learn to live the best life I can with the awful symptoms that I have. I want to not have this take my life over any more, but I don't know how.
Thank you guys for being here.
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