Hey - Fiancee Has PTSD

[pru696]

Hello,

My name is Prudey, I am the fiance of someone with PTSD, I live in Brisbane and am looking for some support on how to assist in his recovery.

It has taken two years for my fiance to be diagnosed with PTSD. During the two years I have attempted to assist him in improving his well being although not being very successfull. Since he has been diagnosed he has been given coping mechanisms to help him improve. Unfortunately these are the very things that I have tried to install during the two years prior.

I am trying very hard to keep myself together and be very supportive, although I have had a 'kick in the guts' as one would say. If anyone has any ways of coping that may assist me it would be greatly appreciated. I have looked through some websites to search out support groups but am unsure as to what to do or when I can attend.

Prudey

 

[anthony]

Hi Prudey, welcome to the forum. There are certainly plenty of carers and such around here to give you some solid advice.

 

[cherryblossom]

As Anthony has said, welcome to the forum. There is a lot of information here for both sufferers and carers. We're a friendly bunch and someone will always offer advice when you post.

Welcome,
CB

 

[AdamAnt]

Welcome Prudey. Take a deep breath and then spens some time getting to know the site. Check out the stickies at the top of the page in the carer section, and just jump in where you want...This site was made for people just like you.

 

[Marley]

Space is a big bonus. Sometimes a person with PTSD wants you to stay away from them, sometimes they need to know where you are every second of the day. They might turn their cellphone off from you for days at a time, or they might call you with questions like "Where are you, when are you coming back?" like a father or mother would.

The most I've learned in my 2 year relationship with a PTSDer is ... life is unfair, get USED to it. But also, just keep in mind that the person you're in love with is NOT normal. They are like a wild animal. I found a couple wild cats a few years ago, and we caught them and took them home. It took a while to show them that we really did love them and we wanted the best for them. Months later, instead of hissing at me and biting, one of them actually jumped up on my bed and started purring, sleeping on my bed! It was the BEST feeling in the world that I had gained trust with a CAT. Now, it's not exactly this easy with a sufferer ... but reading the 5 Love Languages book might really help you and him to both figure out what your strongest and weakest love languages are, and how to respond to them.

I'm glad you've found some methods to help with him, and I'm sure it's frustrating to go through the motions AGAIN with a counselor to back you up. But just PLEASE try to be patient! One day the process might click with him!

I'm really just giving general advice here that's worked for me based on my situation, so it'd help if you kind of went through a bit more of what kind of PTSD he's got, MAYBE how he obtained it (not entirely necessary), just a bit more for us to work on! What do you think? :) The more I read, the more I can relate!

 

[T.J.]

Hi Pru, welcome I have only been here a short while but have found alot of information
available, but most of all the knowing you are not alone. That helps me heaps.

 

[Deleted member 541]

The most I've learned in my 2 year relationship with a PTSDer is ... life is unfair, get USED to it. But also, just keep in mind that the person you're in love with is NOT normal. They are like a wild animal..

I really take offense to this statement. I DO NOT consider myself like a wild animal, nor have I ever. We are NOT WILD ANIMALS!!!!!!!!!! We have been beaten, abused, raped, shot at, shot, injured, endured war and all of it's atrocities, been held captive against our will, kidnapped, manipulated, brainwashed by our abusers, ect, ect...........I could go on, but I think you get the picture.

In my opinion, you really need to get a dose of empathy for what we have gone through and SURVIVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God this just pisses me off, some one coming here and calling us wild animals, or even implying that we act like a wild animal.......Jesus get a life will ya!!!!!!!!

 

[Grama-Herc]

I must agree with She Cat. I am extremely offended by the above description of someone with PTSD. Especially when it was written by someone WHO DOES NOT HAVE PTSD.

I might be able to accept the statement from someone who suffers from PTSD--note I said 'might'--even though it would still be inappropriate ! ! ! But this has actually left me speechless---and it takes quite alot to leave me speechless.

The description is simply insensitive, rude, callous, and to be very blunt----ignorant.

 

[pru696]

Hey

I do not agree with this at all, my partner does not act like a wild animal.

Fortunately for my situation we do not have any relationship issues, we have always kept an open conversation about anything.

 

[pru696]

IGNORE THIS ONE SEE BELOW



Im not sure how I say thank you, but thanks.

This is not the way someone with PTSD should be described.

Yes they do have good days and bad days but they should not be referred to as animals.

 

[pru696]

I really take offense to this statement. I DO NOT consider myself like a wild animal, nor have I ever. We are NOT WILD ANIMALS!!!!!!!!!! We have been beaten, abused, raped, shot at, shot, injured, endured war and all of it's atrocities, been held captive against our will, kidnapped, manipulated, brainwashed by our abusers, ect, ect...........I could go on, but I think you get the picture.

In my opinion, you really need to get a dose of empathy for what we have gone through and SURVIVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God this just pisses me off, some one coming here and calling us wild animals, or even implying that we act like a wild animal.......Jesus get a life will ya!!!!!!!!

Im not sure how I say thank you, but thanks.

This is not the way someone with PTSD should be described.

Yes they do have good days and bad days but they should not be referred to as animals.

 

[Marley]

I said LIKE a wild animal, not IS. I'm sorry I'm coming off as so insensitive. I'm actually a pretty downright nice guy, and for you to critique something as small as that ... good luck with the real world!

Maybe correcting what I said is a waste of time, but my cats were wild, as a result they weren't sure how much I loved them. That's how some people with PTSD feel, they feel insecure, that no one loves them, low self-esteem etc. They need someone to show them they love them, and treat them with respect.

Other than that, after 2 years of dating someone with PTSD, I guess it's very clear that i have no respect for you people. Why did I join this forum? To see if I could relate. Am I succeeding at it right now? Obviously not. Because what I'm typing is being misread, misunderstood, misconstrued. That's not my problem. But I will try to do a better job. Did you hear that, I said try ...

I'm not a jerk, I live a nice happy go lucky life. And maybe you're jealous, well that's fine! You can live it too! Just go watch Sesame Street or Mr. Rogers or Spongebob for a couple hours, lighten up, come back and tell me something NICE.