Hey - Forum Provoked Symptoms and Hospitalized Me

[mac]

I've been gone for a while. I think writing my problems here took a nasty toll on me that led me to have to be recently psychiatrically hospitalized. Therefore I don't come back to this site much since then... although this is a great site and you all are great compassionate people. I decided to check in tonight though and see what's going on. I read two "Intro's." One from 'Michael Lake' and one from 'Remnarc,' as they are prior vet's like me. I feel so bad for them because I know what they are going through. I know what its like to be mistreated in the military for mental illness as Michael Lake has stated, and I know what its like to experience extreme anger and not want to seek help in the military because of stigma and possible career loss like Remnarc. Unfortunately, I have no solution to provide for their or my problems. I wish them and you all the best. Thank you Anthony for doing so much here.

 

[Deleted member 3]

Welcome back Mac. Are you on the road to recovery? Was the hospitalisation a 'speed hump' from trying to do too much to quick?

 

[mac]

I became severely apathetic and was contemplating suicide when the time came that I regain my energy. My wife brought me to the hospital... I'm so fortunate to have her. I don't know what to think anymore really; I'm too lost and confused, I think. I realize that life is short anyway, especially for me due to my present physical health, so why speed things up? Thanks for asking, and you're probably right in that maybe I was trying too much too quick. Thanks.

 

[Deleted member 3]

Lucky your wife was onto you. Lovely creatures aren't we? Baby steps are the best way Mac, baby steps. Its hard to deal with the depression and despondency I know from seeing Anthony with it. Dealing with what gave any of you PTSD in one big chunk is just not possible, besides your mind will only let you deal with what you can handle. Baby steps and share the load. Get on here and chat, read or vent...it will help!

 

[Deleted member 93]

Mac, I am sorry to hear that but glad the wife got you what you needed! I do hope you are feeling better! I had wondered where you went... Please take it slow.

 

[purdyamos]

Hi Mac. I've had a sabattical from the forum too. A lot of it was triggering me off. I've just snuck a peek round the door again. I hope you can carry on opening up here in a way that's constructive rather than aggravating. Glad you're on the mend anyway. :hello:

 

[anthony]

Mac, welcome back mate. As a veteran myself, I know exactly what your referring too, and in all honesty, I think you might have needed the jolt, though unfortunate as it was and you may not see it, I think the impact might have made you look at yourself a little differently. I know for myself, the pride from the military, stigma of mental health and so forth, and thinking I was still 10ft and bulletproof, made it very hard for me during my recovery to really open up and let others in. Actually, it was down right demoralizing to my self confidence, because I thought I could handle everything myself, cause lets face it, the military brainwash us that way, we are bulletproof, we work as a team, etc etc...

Mac, don't giveup on yourself mate, please... It is never too late for any off us to face our fears, face ourselves (usually our biggest fear) and get moving in a better direction for our lives. I am extremely greatful to your wife mate, in that she could see what was happening and get you to immediate help. Facing our fears has huge repercussions for us, and those we must accept, though even when we think we do, often they bite us on the arse more so than we ever expected. I know I broke during trauma therapy far exceeding what I ever expected... but walking the path and knowing the path are two very unique things I guess.

I am sorry mate that you had such a reaction, but do you think Mac that it has helped you any at the same time? It was definately too much for you in one hit, I have no doubt, and am sorry you had to go through it mate.

 

[anthony]

Welcome back purdy... always good to have you here.

 

[YoungAndAngry]

Two familar people I haven't seen in awhile!!
HI!!

 

[mac]

I just wanted to say Thank y'all for the words of encouragement.

 

[Boo-Damphir]

I'm really glad both of you came back. Lurking about is akin to putting a toe in the water. That's a good thing! The only way we learn our boundaries is to push on until you hit a wall; then dust yourself off and keep trying! Good luck Mac & PurdyAmos!!