princess09
New Here
My mother was abused herself by my grandmother. I don't know what she was formally diagnosed with, but I know she was diagnosed with something and she took medication (or was supposed to, but didn't, really).. I want to say schizophrenia. She was also an alcoholic. She left when I was two, my dad was at a conference for the weekend and came home and found me and my one year old sister home alone. I'm pretty sure she hurt us when we were babies but obviously I can't know for sure. My father suspects that she did, there was an instance where he came home from work and I was on my way to the hospital with a fractured skull when I was somewhere between one and two years old... my mother claims I injured myself, but who knows...
Anyway, we didn't see her for a few years until I was about five or so and began asking about her...he got in touch with her and told her if she agreed to take medication she could see us. I know she was very abusive towards my father and so I know he was very well aware of what she was capable of. Anyway, once we started to see her a huge custody battle erupted that continued for ten more years. My mother was awarded joint custody (WHY?!) so my sister and I spent every other weekend, Wednesday nights, and one month during summer break with her for most of my childhood. I don't remember most of the abuse, I mean I have an idea of what went on but it's hard for me to recall a lot of specific details. When we were teenagers, my sister and I were given the choice of which parent we wanted to stay with/see/ect... my sister chose to never see or speak to my mother ever again. I was so terrified of making her angry that I kept going to see her on weekends. When I went to college I slowly lost contact with her and basically don't speak to her anymore. She has my phone number and sometimes sends me text messages, most are crazy and not very nice. I've thought about changing my number but it seems like a hassle, I choose to just ignore her instead. My relationship with my sister also dissolved because she got into hard drugs, but eventually she stopped and we reconnected about a year ago.
I started therapy in July of last year. To be honest, I had spent my entire adult life (I'm 24) thinking that I had emerged from the situation with my mother totally unscathed. I had no idea what kind of effect it was really having on me. I graduated college, found a decently paying job straight out of college, had a nice apartment I shared with my boyfriend, it seemed like everything was going perfectly. I initially went in to talk to a therapist about my relationship with my boyfriend... I felt like it was an unhealthy relationship and I needed out but I didn't know how to do it. (I'm still with him but my feelings about the relationship have changed... that's another story) What I learned is that I have a lot of issues... lol. I'm kind of blown away that I could have been living my life like this and not even realize it.. Anyway, I feel that I'm a long way from being in a healthy place... it kind of makes me wish I had never started therapy and had continued living in ignorance because being aware of how not normal I am makes everything harder.
Anyway, we didn't see her for a few years until I was about five or so and began asking about her...he got in touch with her and told her if she agreed to take medication she could see us. I know she was very abusive towards my father and so I know he was very well aware of what she was capable of. Anyway, once we started to see her a huge custody battle erupted that continued for ten more years. My mother was awarded joint custody (WHY?!) so my sister and I spent every other weekend, Wednesday nights, and one month during summer break with her for most of my childhood. I don't remember most of the abuse, I mean I have an idea of what went on but it's hard for me to recall a lot of specific details. When we were teenagers, my sister and I were given the choice of which parent we wanted to stay with/see/ect... my sister chose to never see or speak to my mother ever again. I was so terrified of making her angry that I kept going to see her on weekends. When I went to college I slowly lost contact with her and basically don't speak to her anymore. She has my phone number and sometimes sends me text messages, most are crazy and not very nice. I've thought about changing my number but it seems like a hassle, I choose to just ignore her instead. My relationship with my sister also dissolved because she got into hard drugs, but eventually she stopped and we reconnected about a year ago.
I started therapy in July of last year. To be honest, I had spent my entire adult life (I'm 24) thinking that I had emerged from the situation with my mother totally unscathed. I had no idea what kind of effect it was really having on me. I graduated college, found a decently paying job straight out of college, had a nice apartment I shared with my boyfriend, it seemed like everything was going perfectly. I initially went in to talk to a therapist about my relationship with my boyfriend... I felt like it was an unhealthy relationship and I needed out but I didn't know how to do it. (I'm still with him but my feelings about the relationship have changed... that's another story) What I learned is that I have a lot of issues... lol. I'm kind of blown away that I could have been living my life like this and not even realize it.. Anyway, I feel that I'm a long way from being in a healthy place... it kind of makes me wish I had never started therapy and had continued living in ignorance because being aware of how not normal I am makes everything harder.
