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Sufferer Hi - Concerned About The Effects Of Trauma Therapy

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You just put your head up and march into that office and show yourself how strong and resilent you are. Once you are there you can express your fear about discussing the trauma, as others have said.


That is exactly what I tried to do! My therapist is great. She somehow sensed I'm a meltdown waiting to happen. How I don't know..I'm a very strong calm natured woman. She's stressing to take it slow. We've covered grounding. Ice helps. I can catch my thoughts and focus my energy on a canvas. MOST HELPFUL! Problem is one memory triggers another memory. It's to overwhelming to find words. Mainly because the new memories have unlocked the existing memories. It's a horrific picture. I'm in the shock and disbelief stage. We've used pinterest. She has an idea through pictures. I get disappointed in myself for getting upset. It's most unsettling your body has the ability to relive the abuse and once it takes over..there's no stopping that one! Most frightening. Ohh I'm going to get through this! I'm just trying to avoid a total meltdown in the process.!
 
I also think you should be talking about your concerns and fears, before you talk about trauma and related feelings.

Yes. I fear an actual heart attack! You sound like my therapist. Yes I need more work on grounding. My therapist specializes in sexual assault.
 
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Are you physically safe from the psychopaths? Do you still see them? Everything you say to a therapist is confidential. I guess I am confused . . .

Nobody is safe from psychopaths. I went no contact with my family years ago. Crimes are not confidential. My abuse largely stems from my efforts to out my family's secrets. As long as I keep my mouth shut..I'm relatively safe. Crazy is crazy. They are capable of anything.
 
I hesitate to describe Somatic Therapy, but I will tell you my experience.

First if I may recommend Waking the Tiger by Peter Levine. That describes it best. He is sort of credited with discovering that kind of release.

You know how animals in the wild face mortal danger on a daily basis? They instinctually know how to physically release the stress hormones that naturally flood their systems when faced with Freeze, Flight, Fight (or Collapse) once the danger is passed or they wouldn't survive.

When human beings are exposed to a threat to survival particularly over a prolonged period and do not have the opportunity to release, the theory goes that the incompleted act of release stays bound up.

When a PTSDer is triggered, etc., it is as if it is all happening again in real time - according to the information the limbic or instinctual brain has. What then?

So in Somatic Therapy - at least for me - an incident of trauma might come up. I go near it peripherally sometimes, like seeing it for a second or feeling what I can't remember but have an idea of. I sort of stick my toe in the water by talking in an oblique way about it. I will feel the build up inside like I felt it then. I will feel very cold in my chest pre-release, but not from the environment. Blankets or heat don't help. And I start shaking. I can't stop the shake. Usually I will stand up and walk around. (I am no longer trapped.) Maybe I will talk, maybe not. Maybe I will yell or cry. If it is too overwhelming I will describe what is real in the room - ground myself. Or maybe I will go into detail about a memory of safety with my grandmother when I was young.

When it is over, sometimes I feel supremely good. The best one brought a feeling of silk laid against my back. I have literally had the sensation of my face and fingers and feet coming out of a freeze, like when you come in from the cold into the warmth. I feel the thaw.

The Body Remembers is another great book describing what happens in safe release therapy.

That's a little of what it is for me.
 
I am sorry that you do not feel safe.

A friend of mine had to go into a very secretive network of safe homes to get away from her abusive family/satanic cult. She had to change her name, appearance, have contact with no one for years, and move regularly within the network. It is not easy and that is an understatement, but she is safe now. Married with five kids and thriving.

Good luck in your journey of safety and healing. I swear it can be done!
 
Thank you everyone for your kindness and encouragement. It's very comforting to hear from people who understand. I've tried to quote a few comments without any success. They wont post! Thank you for sharing your experiences and Thank you for the book suggestions. Very helpful. :)
 
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Welcome to the forum, though I am sorry you have to be here in the first place. Even if this is the best place to be. You should find a lot of support here.

I go to my therapy sessions wondering what we are going to talk about and the next thing I know are tears are streaming down my face. I think I block things out until I get there. When you are ready to feel you will feel. Try it in small bits. Fear is a good start. As a heart patient I have to tell you hearts are pretty tough. Think, they've already endured all that trauma. However, to ease your mind it never hurts to get it checked out.

I'm sorry for all you have gone through. But you sound like you can do this. Thank you.
 
When you are ready to feel you will feel. Try it in small bits.

That's the problem. It's not coming in small bits! There's no stopping it. I'm left stunned and speechless. Numb. Feeling my heart wildly beating sends me straight into a flood of memories. I was 8. My heart was pounding so hard I thought it was going to explode!!! I have to learn to focus. I have to "want" to focus. I have to start writing it down. My therapist gave me a journal. To date I haven't used it. For one thing it's too small. LOL I silently laughed to myself when she offered me to choose "one" from a large box. I need the whole box. I use it as a focusing tool. It's brightly colored in sunshine rays with the words "Reach for the sky!" Most helpful considering sunflowers and sunshine are my buzz words back to reality. ~Sigh.. Breathe....
 
Thank you all for your kind words. Unfortunately I've been avoiding this thread. Trying to express how I feel triggers unpleasant memories. My mind keeps jumping from one memory to another. Much like my post on this forum. I'm unable to focus. I was hoping someone....any one would rather discuss how to process all this negative energy by helping others instead. Volunteering to help @ churches and/or social services sounds much better than a stroll down memory lane.

The reality is I need to help myself first. I have to fully process my timeline. It's difficult to do with so many partial memories. Combined with the need to ground myself which halts the whole process. This is going to take forever! I'm on system overload. I've been doing a lot of reading on this site. On one hand its a blessing and the another it is bringing everything to the surface..perhaps to fast. Today I walked in to my therapist office for my appointment. It wasn't today..it's not even the 19th as I previously thought. It's the 30th. Again thank you for listening. I'll be quiet until I can fully focus.
 
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