I have been derping around this forum for a couple of days now and I figured I ought introduce myself. I want to cement the trust this community has earned from me. I have been fighting my demons now for about a decade or so. That was f*cking amateur hour. I learned more about myself from weeping over a single forum post, than I ever did from all these drugs, lonelyness, and downright nonsense. In short I want to say thank you.
I'm also gonna write a bunch more shit.
Couple days back I was in a dark place. I've been suffering a long time now and I've found my own sort of broken peace. It wasn't the best of lives but I had found ways to be happy, and find happiness in another. I don't begrudge the way I live, because I remember the way I used to live, and I do see hope and positive change. Well untill...
I saw my girlfriend. I had been holed up in my room for a couple of days watching cable news, smoking weed, and angrily muttering to myself. I finally gathered the strength to go out into the world, and there she was. But instead of being happy to see her I was frightened. She looked different. She was ready. She was careful. She was deliberate. I looked in her eyes and they looked like my eyes. I really think I'm hurting her mentally. She angrily denies it.
Now my gal is the most well adjusted, strongest person I know. After all this time, I know what it looks like to break down. She was falling into my dark place. This was too much for me to bear. No need to dig in the weeds to much, but I found myself on a really dark website. It turns out the webmaster of this particular website figured; if I'm going to describe to people how to do these things, maybe I should describe to them how not to. I took that off ramp.
A few links later I found myself here. Here, this place. Where there are other people. People like me. I was not ready for that. Kind of feels like spending a decade locked in a room, then coming out to a surprise party. I've been up for days now just sharing and crying and all that hippie shit. My old walls are falling down quickly today, and it's not scary this time.
I thought everything was roses up until this morning. It turns out that it takes more then reading a few forum posts to cure a complex mental illness. But this ball is rolling now thanks to you and I have no intent of rolling back it to the top of that hill. Metaphor's aside there are some very real obstacles to good health, and one of mine is a lack of appetite.
I've lost 45 kilos this year and it's not stopping. I try my damndest to shovel food in but it all tastes like ash and vinegar. At first my gf(and me until I figured out what was going on) were excited. Weightloss is a good thing if you're obese right? Well after my little cryoarama on this website it would appear as though I am finished. I am staring at a bowl of cereal and it is about as appealing as the toaster next to it. I haven't eaten in days.
Thanks to everyone here, I'm done. I'm done suffering. If my gf comes home today i'm going to stick this article in front of her and say "help". If she's still gone by tommorrow I'm going to get my ass on a bus, and go to the va. I am finally ready to seek real treatment after suffering for, well pretty much my whole life. It's all thanks to you guys(you too sue).
I'm also gonna write a bunch more shit.
Couple days back I was in a dark place. I've been suffering a long time now and I've found my own sort of broken peace. It wasn't the best of lives but I had found ways to be happy, and find happiness in another. I don't begrudge the way I live, because I remember the way I used to live, and I do see hope and positive change. Well untill...
I saw my girlfriend. I had been holed up in my room for a couple of days watching cable news, smoking weed, and angrily muttering to myself. I finally gathered the strength to go out into the world, and there she was. But instead of being happy to see her I was frightened. She looked different. She was ready. She was careful. She was deliberate. I looked in her eyes and they looked like my eyes. I really think I'm hurting her mentally. She angrily denies it.
Now my gal is the most well adjusted, strongest person I know. After all this time, I know what it looks like to break down. She was falling into my dark place. This was too much for me to bear. No need to dig in the weeds to much, but I found myself on a really dark website. It turns out the webmaster of this particular website figured; if I'm going to describe to people how to do these things, maybe I should describe to them how not to. I took that off ramp.
A few links later I found myself here. Here, this place. Where there are other people. People like me. I was not ready for that. Kind of feels like spending a decade locked in a room, then coming out to a surprise party. I've been up for days now just sharing and crying and all that hippie shit. My old walls are falling down quickly today, and it's not scary this time.
I thought everything was roses up until this morning. It turns out that it takes more then reading a few forum posts to cure a complex mental illness. But this ball is rolling now thanks to you and I have no intent of rolling back it to the top of that hill. Metaphor's aside there are some very real obstacles to good health, and one of mine is a lack of appetite.
I've lost 45 kilos this year and it's not stopping. I try my damndest to shovel food in but it all tastes like ash and vinegar. At first my gf(and me until I figured out what was going on) were excited. Weightloss is a good thing if you're obese right? Well after my little cryoarama on this website it would appear as though I am finished. I am staring at a bowl of cereal and it is about as appealing as the toaster next to it. I haven't eaten in days.
Thanks to everyone here, I'm done. I'm done suffering. If my gf comes home today i'm going to stick this article in front of her and say "help". If she's still gone by tommorrow I'm going to get my ass on a bus, and go to the va. I am finally ready to seek real treatment after suffering for, well pretty much my whole life. It's all thanks to you guys(you too sue).
