Hi everyone, quick question

[Deleted member 42665]

I am new here and still a bit confused on dissociation. I am going through a rough time right now, my beloved 15 year old dog has bone cancer and it kills me when I think about it or if my therapist wants me to discuss it but then I almost feel numb at times.... for example... normally the idea of cremation etc terrifies me... it makes me ill but my therapist sent me a link for a mobile euthanasia vet (asked for the info) and I was able to look at the website casually with no feelings, like I was browsing for research for someone else or something.

In therapy I struggle to cry, even though I badly want to, and if we talk about it, I sometimes tear up, and then look away and then go on and even laugh like nothing is bothering me. He even asks me if I am doing alright and I said "ya, its all fine" I am not sure if this is dissociation or if its denial or am I just a robot? I am struggling to be able actual express my feelings, it bothers me that I can't and almost like I feel I am helping someone else through this time and not realizing its me...??

 

[Deadman]

In therapy I struggle to cry, even though I badly want to, and if we talk about it, I sometimes tear up, and then look away and then go on and even laugh like nothing is bothering me.

That sounds pretty normal to me. Its easy for strong emotions to get tangled up. Its even easier when you struggle with PTSD.

I remember holding my father's hand while he died. I thought I would cry. I thought should cry. I didn't. I was a rock.

I also remember bursting into tears on a flight over an inflight movie that I can't even recall.