Supporter Hi, I'm A Supporter Who Needs Some Support

[CMY]

I'm not sure how to begin. I've been dating someone with PTSD for over a year, and it's getting tough. I am a man with a lot, of patience, but some times I feel the well running dry. I think a lot of my frustrations lately is because I just don't know where my place is to voice it. Does that make sense? I even feel guilty, because I know it's not easy for her. And how dare I begin to feel upset that it's been over a week and I haven't seen her. I'm at a loss. I love her dearly. What do I do?

 

[Dissociation]

And how dare I begin to feel upset that it's been over a week and I haven't seen her. I'm at a loss.

This is, to me, quite exaggerated, you look immature.

But this is your problem, not hers.

Peace and love.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Is she is therapy and on medication working on her ptsd issues? If not you will have to wait until she hits rock bottom before she is motivated to get some decent help. I really feel for you with this situation. You may have to cut her loose. Please take good care of yourself.

 

[safenow]

I just don't know where my place is to voice it. Does that make sense?

Welcome to the forum, CMY. Loving someone with PTSD is not easy. But you are in the right place. There are lots of supporters here who will be by to talk with you about things. And yes, it does make sense. This is not an easy thing to work on.

Since I don't know her issues, I can only share with you from my point of view. I suffer with Chronic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) from multi traumas. If I had a male friend that cared about me, and knew I had PTSD, I would want him to talk to me. I would want him to set boundaries for himself, to protect himself. I would want him to know that while I might not always be kind to him, I would need to be held accountable for how I behaved.

I would want him to know, if I ask him to back off that he do it. A person with PTSD needs space sometimes. Time to be by themselves sometimes. It might be an hour, or it might a week, or even longer. It has nothing to do with the partner, it is all on the person with the problem.

it's been over a week and I haven't seen her.

Just be there for her when she comes back. Let you know you care. But don't be pushy. Tell her how you really feel about her being gone that long without telling you that she needed space. Make that one of your rules. If she needs space, she needs to tell you.

I wish you good luck. I'm sure others will make much more sense than me. I'm in an episode myself right now.

 

[CMY]

This is, to me, quite exaggerated, you look immature.
But this is your problem, not hers.

Peace and love.

I can understand your opinion about a certain aspect of my post being "exaggerated", but immature is a strong word to call someone whom you don't know, or their situation. I Do not appreciate being insulted.

My meaning is that I feel it is selfish of me to feel neglected when she has so much more that she is dealing with. Me missing spending time with her pales in comparison to what she is going through. I cannot begin to imagine how that feels. I do understand her condition. And I support her with everything I have. But it does get tough. I thought, maybe, just maybe, here I could voice my opinion and not be judged. But I'm not so sure now, Doctor.

Peace and Love

 

[CMY]

Welcome to the forum, CMY. Loving someone with PTSD is not easy. But you are in the right place. There are lots of supporters here who will be by to talk with you about things. And yes, it does make sense. This is not an easy thing to work on.

Thanks. It does make sense. She has been very good in telling me what she needs. And I do understand. I just don't want to overload her with how I'm feeling at the time. I think I just need an outside perspective to make sure I'm doing everything I can, and taking care of myself too. I've learned a lot reading different posts, and the internet about PTSD. It's definitely helps get my feelings in check.

Good luck to you.

 

[Tinyflame]

CMY hello. I think it says a lot you'd care to research it.

I think like any relationship, understanding and love and compassion and putting that in to practise goes a long way. Do not walk on eggshells, like any relationship you have to care for yourself and it's not unrealistic to be expected to be treated with respect and concern, no matter whether the other person has ptsd or not.

It does take an incredible amount of patience.

Remember that avoidance and distance aren't necessary personal. Be yourself. For her part, if she's working on herself she too can only juggle so much, and I would expect doesn't want to burden you with her own struggles.

It helps to know you're strong and saying things will be ok, staying calm and acting with faith they will be.

Welcome to you.

 

[ptsdmarinegf]

Hi CMY,

Welcome to the forum. I completely relate to what you're going through. I haven't seen my boyfriend or had any meaningful conversation in about 2 weeks. It's so frustrating because you know that you're being treated unfairly, but at the same time you constantly are concerned about them and hope they're ok. I have felt like I'm going insane with this relationship, but after finding this forum and reading as much as I can find on PTSD, I feel like I'm getting a better understanding.

I'm by no means as knowledgeable as a lot of the people on this forum, but I do understand where you're coming from. It's really helped me to get out and do stuff for ME. Exercise especially makes me feel much better, unfortunately I don't know what the guy equivalent of getting your nails done is haha. My next step is to make some boundaries in our relationship. I think I have been maybe too patient with his non-communication? I sometimes struggle with being assertive so this one will be hard for me. I wish you the best of luck!

 

[Dissociation]

but immature is a strong word to call someone whom you don't know, or their situation. I Do not appreciate being insulted.

Hey hey.. slow down, man. I said that you "look" immature, to me. You wrote 4 lines, with no information about facts. The only information you reported is the feeling that I stressed in my quote.

Now you are adding other informations, but one more time about you and about you feel...... nothing about her, or about, at least, the relationship that you two have. And, again, you look, to me, weeping.

I am sincere. This is a forum, don't write here if you only want to be indulged. You asked for an opinion, that's mine. I am sorry you don't like it.

 

[CMY]

Question: What pertinent information about her do you need to make an informed opinion about our relationship? All I wrote was a short introduction. If you have specific questions, so that you can offer up some advice, you can ask. Just like everyone else did. But instead of help, you decided to correct me in forum manners. I don't just openly just start rattling off personal information about my gf to people I don't know. I got into this forum to have an open dialog with others who are in relationships with people who suffer from PTSD and how they cope with their own feelings while remaining steadfast to their partner. Obviously, this is about her.

I'm surprised you can't see that, Doctor. You think I need someone to rub my back and tell me everything will be ok? No, I get all the feel goods I need from her. She's doing the absolute best she can for us, and I intend on doing the same. I'm committed to this woman. I want to be a better man for her. And will do what ever it takes to help her. But there has to be some supper for the supporting. And that's why I'm here. I don't know a lot about PTSD. She just found out that's what was happening 8 months ago, and I need some information on what to expect and what to do for her. So unless you actually have something helpful to say...maybe you should just skip this thread.

 

[timid_flower]

Hi CMY, welcome to the forum. :)

If I may ask, have you tried talking to your girlfriend about this?

I ask because I think sometimes supporters completely stop telling us how you feel to avoid stressing us. Which can end up doing more harm than good for everyone involved.

Yes, as a sufferer, there are times it is greatly appreciated to be left alone. During bad days, it can take all we've got just to try to keep it together.

However, there are other times we can handle and actually welcome hearing what supporters have to say. At least some of us do. :)

I'm not sure where your girlfriend is in terms of recovery, but maybe there are days when you two can discuss how you feel and can set boundaries for your relationship. Boundaries that work for both of you. You have your own feelings and needs. I don't think it's healthy for her PTSD to completely define your relationship. If so, you may end up resenting her. And I don't think you should wait until your patience has ran out to address the situation.

Best wishes.

 

[CMY]

This is a helpful forum. I don't know a lot about PTSD either. My girlfriend went to a therapist about 8 months ago and found out that she was suffering form PTSD. So it's been an lot of learning for her and trying to make sense of it all. She's doing better. I can tell every day is a struggle. Researching and reading about it has definitely opened my eyes to a lot. It is very helpful to see that there are other people in the same boat. She's kind of a private person so I can't really talk to my friends about what's going on and why sometimes she doesn't come to social events with me. It's nice to be able to connect with people who will understand.