Hi I'm New, Not Sure I Belong Here

[Maru]

Lauren,

Sometimes the only way you *can* fight is to withdraw. Defense mechanisms exist for a reason. Now your job is, with the help of your therapist, to replace those defense mechanisms with other ways of thinking and behaving that are more in line with the life you want to live.

I only just joined tonight, but I have no doubt you belong here.

Be well.
Maru

 

[Shelly]

Lauren, I'm twice a bank robbery victim. My father was mildly schizophrenic and bi-polar and couldn't show me love for most of his life. Looking for male affection I was seduced and raped at the age of 12 by a youth volunteer at our church. He convinced me that we were in love. As soon as someone caught onto his game, he hauled buns faster than a bread truck. It took me eons to get understand who he truly was and accept it. Although I doubt I'll ever get over it.

Believe me, you DO belong here. When my father died, I imortalized him; treating him as though he a superior being and a fantastic father. He was neither. Super smart, worked for NASA and the US Navy for the Trident Submarine program. Brilliant in work, but he couldn't handle people. Neither could his dad, his dad before him, and his dad before him. It's been running through our family for years. Thankfully it skipped over me, but I am mildly bi-polar and my daughter has mild schizophrenia and heavy bi-polar disorder. He was wonderful to my mom, but she had no where to go and was always trying to protect me from him. And the suppressed memories started surfacing in dreams and in conversations with my mother. Horrible, painful things that I didn't want to remember but needed to so I could put things into proper perspective.

We as humans aren't promised that bad things won't happen to us, and for some it seems as though we get more than our fair share, but after the fact it is necessary to hold each other up and have each other's backs so we can heal.

That's what forums like these are for. I'm a new member. I'm suffering PTSD from a violent bank robbery that happened 2 years ago. I didn't get shot but the guy threw me to the floor and had a 9 mm against the side of my head and screamed for someone to empty my vault. I'm not afraid to die but I didn't want to die like THAT. I was fine for well over a year and then slowly it began to creep up on me. Loud noises, shouting, video cams on the nightly news that show thugs leaping counters to rob cashiers...I can't stand any of it.

What I'm trying to say is that we both belong here.

Hang in there...and I'm here if you want to chat.

Blessings,

Shelly

 

[Shelly]

Lauren, one more bit of advice if I may...

Going off of anti-depressants if you are chemically depressed can not only be debilitating but dangerous. I'd revisit that with a psychiatrist. I've had clinical depression since I was little and anti-depressants have saved my life. We all have a happy drug in our brains called "seratonin." If you don't have enough of it, you can become terribly depressed or even suicidal. At the very least you can have severe anxiety and be unable to swim through the fog enough to function.

People are always trying to get us off of medication - especially if we're feeling better. But if the meds are doing that for you then take them. Go to someone who specializes in your condition and have them evaluate you. Not a psychologist. They are for counseling. I'm talking about a psychiatrist who can prescribe meds.

It's one thing to confront your feelings, but it's quite another if you really need medication to help you cope with every day living. That's like taking insulin away from a diabetic and could be just as harmful.

Thanks for letting me ramble!

Shelly