Supporter Hi New Here !!

[catlover26]

Hi!! I have posted several times but have not officially introduced myself. After my divorce 1 1/2 yrs ago I met my Vet by accident as I wasn't looking to date anyone. He was always upfront and honest with me about his past marriages, ptsd and Alcoholism. He was in Vietnam so is 16 yrs older than me. The age didn't seem to be a problem for the first 6-8 mos but he has changed a lot since then and started having more mood swings that started about last November.

He had been sober 29 yrs but unfortunately plays the 'scratch offs' to win money probably daily. So gambling is not something he should be doing. So I am worried he does not have his impulsive behaviors under control. Although he doesn't 'physically' leave as some men do I read about on here, he will mentally seem to be in another place many times and can be hard to talk to.

Because we have had some conflicting opinions about things he doesn't want to talk on the phone at all anymore. So the only contact we have is usually 2 maybe 3 times a week when I go over there to see him. He doesn't want to go out anywhere anymore. But gradually this past week we have had some happier moments when he was making some jokes and seemed to be more happy. It is like a roller coaster. But I do love him and want it to work out. So glad to have found this forum.

 

[intothelight]

@catlover26 Welcome and I hope you find the information here helpful.

The thing about PTSD is that YOU can't fix it or make someone want to fix it. It is entirely up to the individual with the disorder to make that choice. The relationship will always be hard unless you are willing to accept him just as he is and not hold on for "someday...when". I am not saying that you make excuses for bad behavior, but understand that he may never be comfortable with going out or the times may be few and far between. Assess your own needs in a relationship and don't discount those needs.

 

[Ghostybear73]

Welcome to the forum :)

 

[catlover26]

@catlover26 Welcome and I hope you find the information here helpful.

The th...

I have realized that the way our relationship started off was probably not the 'real' him. Hard to say. Some things have happened in his family and health over the past 6 months or more that have made him more depressed. I have over the last several months worked on accepting that he will not change much if any from how he is now. So many things factor into this. I am going to a counselor and we have talked about my needs in the relationship. But overall we do have great communication most of the time and we still enjoy our time together.

We are very close and I do realize with his age and health problems that our relationship could evolve into more of a friendship/companion type of relationship. I think I could learn to accept that.

 

[catlover26]

I also decided to start going to Al-Anon to start focusing on my inner strength and issues. I have many problems also from my divorce that I need to work on finding peace and being able to move on.

One more thing I wanted to add. The way I met my Vet was so unusual I believe God had a hand in it. For what purpose it is hard to say. But he had isolated himself for 16 years which he thought was the best way to keep himself sober. So I thing we both need each other. Although now I realize through church and other ways I need to find some additional support elsewhere.

 

[catlover26]

Welcome to the forum :)

Thanks!! So glad to be here!!