Change is very hard Beth. I have a difficult time with it even though I know the stages like the back of my hand.
1. Pre-contemplation: The denial that we need to change or can change to make our lives better. It's the part where we think, maybe it's not me, but everyone else.
2. Contemplation: The acceptance that we do have a problem. I want to change, but fear takes over (its easier for a victim to remain in distress that to face the unknown.) When you have enough and are willing to risk the familiar in hopes of better.
3. Plan-making: That honest self inventory of what we do to remain the same, admitting our fears, and making a plan for change, including all tools and resources we will use when we begin to slip back into old thinking and patterns. This is very hard work and time consuming. Helps to actually write it out.
4. Action: Putting our plan into action and using all of the resources and tools we listed to assist us.
5 Maintenance: Might be the hardest part. Sticking to it, even when at times it feels the most painful, fearful, etc.
Often times, we have to go back and repeat steps 3-5, re-evaluating as we make new discoveries.
These 5 stages of change apply to any kind of change, from quitting smoking, to staying away from toxic people, to developing a healthy sense of self esteem.
I'm struggling with a change right now. I have felt incompetent and lack value in my employment abilities. I don't know that its true, but have myself convinced. Self esteem has declined over past 4 years to the point that I feel stupid and useless. I pushed myself to take a job. The job turned out to be pretty stinky-lacked resources, but I kept doing it. Then I was asked to falsify a record. I resigned. I was done-no going back. This rigid attitude came from fear. The Director contacted me and asked me to reconsider. My mind was made up (out of self preservation), but I agreed to meet. It was clear that she wanted to make it right and have fresh start. I was still hesitant and fearful (maybe of proving I am worthless), but I challenged myself and agreed to a trial period of 90 days, at which time we will re-evaluate together, and decide if both our needs are being met (employer and mine). Want to quit like all get out. If I do, I will have accomplished nothing and reinforced my worthless theme. I have the opportunity to change that thought-scary as it is. Fact is, working has forced me to see some value in self. Why so tough? I guess so we appreciate things in the end.
We must keep trying, and never give up.
1. Pre-contemplation: The denial that we need to change or can change to make our lives better. It's the part where we think, maybe it's not me, but everyone else.
2. Contemplation: The acceptance that we do have a problem. I want to change, but fear takes over (its easier for a victim to remain in distress that to face the unknown.) When you have enough and are willing to risk the familiar in hopes of better.
3. Plan-making: That honest self inventory of what we do to remain the same, admitting our fears, and making a plan for change, including all tools and resources we will use when we begin to slip back into old thinking and patterns. This is very hard work and time consuming. Helps to actually write it out.
4. Action: Putting our plan into action and using all of the resources and tools we listed to assist us.
5 Maintenance: Might be the hardest part. Sticking to it, even when at times it feels the most painful, fearful, etc.
Often times, we have to go back and repeat steps 3-5, re-evaluating as we make new discoveries.
These 5 stages of change apply to any kind of change, from quitting smoking, to staying away from toxic people, to developing a healthy sense of self esteem.
I'm struggling with a change right now. I have felt incompetent and lack value in my employment abilities. I don't know that its true, but have myself convinced. Self esteem has declined over past 4 years to the point that I feel stupid and useless. I pushed myself to take a job. The job turned out to be pretty stinky-lacked resources, but I kept doing it. Then I was asked to falsify a record. I resigned. I was done-no going back. This rigid attitude came from fear. The Director contacted me and asked me to reconsider. My mind was made up (out of self preservation), but I agreed to meet. It was clear that she wanted to make it right and have fresh start. I was still hesitant and fearful (maybe of proving I am worthless), but I challenged myself and agreed to a trial period of 90 days, at which time we will re-evaluate together, and decide if both our needs are being met (employer and mine). Want to quit like all get out. If I do, I will have accomplished nothing and reinforced my worthless theme. I have the opportunity to change that thought-scary as it is. Fact is, working has forced me to see some value in self. Why so tough? I guess so we appreciate things in the end.
We must keep trying, and never give up.
